Years ago, I worked at a famous-to-Canadians coffee chain.

Customer: “You messed up my order yesterday!”

Me: “Around what time did you come in? I can look it up in the system.”

Customer: “[Time].”

The time he mentioned was when I was on shift the day before. I had no recollection of him. Mind you, there were only two of us working. Before I dove into the orders from the day before:

Me: “What did you order, sir?”

Customer: “You messed up my sandwich!”

Me: “What sandwich was it?”

He responded with a sandwich that wasn’t on the menu and hadn’t been in the last four years I had worked there. And that’s just one of many tales I have of people trying to scam us for free food.

I am a regular at this coffee shop — so much so that they start making my order as soon as they see me walk in. I got my wisdom teeth out, and as my regular drink needed a straw, the barista and I had to do some brainstorming to figure out a way for me to be able to still have my drink.

Fast forward about two weeks. I’m still on the no-straw diet and I go into the shop to see that they are having some kind of corporate inspection.

This new guy takes my order and starts making my drink exactly how I need it. Now, to be fair, this drink looks really weird. It is in too big of a cup, it has the wrong lid, and it is just a mess. This corporate bigwig comes up and starts chewing this poor employee out.

Bigwig: “This drink is all wrong! You’ll be fired for this!”

I’m not a very big person but I lean as far over the counter as I can and get up in this guy’s face.

Me: “Actually, this employee is following my instructions to the letter.”

Apparently, I was scary, because he wilted and mumbled an apology to the employee and walked away.

My wife and our two teenage sons have just finished a two-week road trip in a rented RV around Virginia. We are ending our trip to the States in New York for five days.

On our first morning there, we manage to find a diner that does a huge breakfast, which the boys clearly enjoy. Being British, we are unaware of “bottomless coffee” and the waiter keeps my cup filled nicely.

Eventually, after the third refill, I say to him:

Me: “No more, please. Any more and I’ll be completely wired.”

Waiter: “Man, it’s New York. You need to be wired.”

Me: “Sounds good. More coffee, please.”

I accidentally made a woman a latte with regular milk rather than soy. It was my fault, and I apologized profusely and told her I would make her another drink.

This wasn’t good enough for the woman.

Like a crazed banshee, she shrieked, “I need soy!” and threw the latte at me. The lid stayed on and it totally missed me. Instead, it exploded on impact and got all over the counters, cabinets, and floor.

The bright side is that the owner was in attendance. He made quick work of throwing the woman out, despite protests that she didn’t get her coffee.

Every weekday, I take the train to work, arrive early, and grab a coffee. It’s become a bit of a ritual: same seat, same time, same coffee. I watch the same people do their own little same routines.

One of the people I see is “bossy business lady”. She always looks angry, always wears smart business clothes, and never holds the door open.

She is early and is already at the coffee shop counter when I get there.

Bossy Business Lady: “The coffee yesterday was awful. I have the same thing every day. I’m sure you used milk instead of almond.”

Cashier: “I am very sorry, miss. Do you have your receipt?”

Bossy Business Lady: “No, of course, I don’t! Who keeps a receipt for a coffee? You should be glad that I am not calling my lawyer; I could be allergic!”

Cashier: “I could ask my boss. He might let me make you a free one?”

Bossy Business Lady: “Well, yes, that is obviously what I want you to do.”

Me: “This was yesterday morning?”

Bossy Business Lady: “What? Do you mind?”

Me: “But it was yesterday morning, right?”

Bossy Business Lady: “Yes, but I don’t see what that has got to do with anything.”

Me: “It’s just I saw you leave here and drop your coffee.”

Bossy Business Lady: *Blustering* “Well I, err… I don’t think—”

Me: “I remember it exactly because you just left it. You didn’t even pick up the cup.”

By this point, the manager appears from the back.

Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

Bossy Business Lady looks at me, then the cashier, the manager, and then me again. She screeches something horrible and storms out of the shop.

Manager: “What was that all about?”

Me: “That was someone who doesn’t think their actions should have consequences.”

He gave me a confused look and I ordered my normal coffee at my normal table. I didn’t see Bossy Business Lady there again.