Woke Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed Tomorrow

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | September 13, 2015

(The Saturday issue of the local paper we sell is called the “Sunday Early Edition” since it contains a section of coupons, classified ads, etc. A customer brings one such paper to the counter.)

Customer: “Just a tall coffee and the paper today.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $*.**!”

Customer: *looks down at paper* “Oh, I grabbed the wrong paper. Let me put this back.”

(He takes the paper back to the newspaper rack, and I assumed he wanted one of the national papers, but he comes back and slaps the local paper on the counter.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any of TODAY’S papers?”

Me: “Ah… sorry, what?”

Customer: “It’s only nine in the morning; you shouldn’t have tomorrow’s paper yet!”

Me:“Tomorrow’s paper? Sir, this is definitely today’s paper!”

Customer: “NO! It says SUNDAY on it, right there! It’s only Saturday!”

Me: “Yes, however the [Paper] calls its Saturday paper the “Sunday Early Edition” since it has coupons and such in it.”

Customer: “But it says SUNDAY! See? Every page says Sunday!”

Me: “I see it, sir, but that’s just what they call the Saturday paper. I assure you, it’s today’s paper. Tomorrow’s paper hasn’t been printed yet.”

Customer: “I’m putting this back. I don’t want tomorrow’s newspaper!” *walks off in a huff*

Sales Of The Witching Hour

| MO, USA | Right | September 10, 2015

(It is Halloween time. We have lots of decorations all over the cafe. One is a sign that says, “I’m a real witch with or without my coffee.” It’s all cartoonish with a witch on a broomstick and all that.)

Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

Customer: *points to the sign* “Is that a real thing? Like, is it serious?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

Customer: “Is it about real witches?”

Coworker: “Uh… real witches?”

Customer: “Yeah. Like, Satan worship.”

Coworker: “Uh…”

(So I step in because my coworker was just stunned.)

Me: “Oh, it’s just for Halloween.”

Customer: “So it’s a joke.”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s a joke.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. It’s funny. But, you know, there are real witches.”

Coworker: “Okay…”

Customer: “Like, people who say they’re witches and worship Satan. My brother dated one once. Not that I’m judging!”

Me: “It’s just supposed to be funny…”

Customer: “Okay. That’s good that it’s not about Satan.”

Me: “Yep… not about Satan.”

Customer: *smiles and waves* “Okay, bye. God Bless.”

Coworker: “Was she saying that Wiccans worship Satan?”

Me: “Uh…”

(So now I refer to our employee meetings as Meetings of the Coffee Coven and my coworker and I started saying, “Hail Satan!” before leaving at the ends of our shifts.)

The Munchkin Gymnast Special

| USA | Right | September 9, 2015

(My brother and I work at our family coffee shop, and this happens one morning when my brother is covering the shift of our female co-worker. A middle-aged man walks in.)

Customer: “Where are all the hot girls?”

Brother: “…What?”

Customer: “Don’t all the hot girls work here?”

Brother: “Uh, well, I’m working today.”

Customer: “Man, there’s this one…” *he holds out his hand, indicating how short our coworker is* “…She’s a little munchkin. She looks like she could be a gymnast.”

(He eventually placed his order and left a good-sized tip.)

Be-Laboring The Point

| Seattle, WA, USA | Working | September 8, 2015

(I give birth on July 4th, came home on the 6th, and on the 7th my husband and I go around to businesses our friends work at to show them our baby. There is a new cashier to take our order, and he notices we have a little one in a stroller.)

Cashier: “How old is she?”

Husband: “We had her on the fourth, so she’s three days old.”

Cashier: “She’s sooo tiny!”

(Cashier looks me up and down, and his eyes stop at my belly.)

Cashier: *while speaking to my belly in an excited voice* “OOOH! And you have ANOTHER one coming!”

Tip Of The Stupidity Iceberg

| CA, USA | Right | September 5, 2015

(My sister and I are waiting to order coffee, and there is a high school cheerleader in front of us talking to the barista.)

Cheerleader: “So, um, like, you know the iced coffee? Can you make it… like… hot?”

Barista: “…What?”

Cheerleader: “You know, the iced coffee with caramel? Can you make it hot?”

(By this point, I am looking at my sister in disbelief.)

Barista: “Well, um, yeah, we can make you a regular hot coffee with a pump of caramel.”

Cheerleader: “…oh…”

(She discusses this for a little bit more before simply ordering the iced coffee. It takes everything in me not to laugh at the poor girl. She seemed sweet, but that’s not defying stereotypes!)

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