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This One Definitely Needs Decaf

| Washington, DC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m a customer at a popular coffee chain. I overhear the following exchange between the cashier, who has been there for years, and a customer.)

Cashier: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a decaf latte, with caffeine.”

Cashier: “Okay… so a regular latte?”

Customer: *impatiently* “No, a decaf latte with caffeine.”

Cashier: “Sir, ‘decaf’ means ‘less caffeine.’ If you want caffeine, you want a regular latte.”

Customer: “S***, was I saying caffeine? I meant with caramel. I’m an idiot.” *loudly to the rest of the line* “Don’t be an idiot like me, people!”

It’s Only A Paper Cup

| Canada | Bizarre

(A customer walks up to my till and orders a coffee.)

Me: “Alright, that’ll be $1.65. Is that for here or to go?”

Customer: “For here. Why did you ask me that?”

Me: “If it’s for here, we put it in a mug. If it’s to go, we put it in a paper cup.”

Customer: “Paper?”

Me: “Yep! A paper cup.”

Customer: “Paaaaper?”

Me: “Um, yes, is that what you’d prefer?”

Customer: “Paaaaaaper?”

Me: *thinking he might not know the difference* “Yes, see, here’s a paper cup, and here’s a mug.”

Customer: “Paaaaaaaaper?”

Me: “Paper cup it is!”

(I make him his drink and hand it to him. He stares at it, hands me the money, and nods.)

Customer: “Paaaaaaper!”

Piercing Judgments

| Medford, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

(I have a purple/reddish birthmark about the size of a quarter above my eyebrow. I generally forget it exists. A self-important looking customer in his 60s comes to my register.)

Customer: “Serves you right.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What happened, did it get infected?” *huffs* “That’s what you get for piercing your face.”

(Note: I have several small studs in each ear, but no other piercings.)

Me: “I don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: *smugly points to my eyebrow without saying a word*

Me: “That’s actually a birthmark, but thanks for being so judgmental!”

(The customer turns red, grabs his coffee, and quickly walks away without saying a word. He nearly spills his coffee on someone else in the process!)