Customer: “Get me my usual.”

Me: “I don’t know what that is, sir.”

Customer: “What? My usual! I always get my usual! Get it for me!”

Me: “What’s your usual, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t actually know.”

Me: “Okay, well, since none of us here know, either, let’s see if we can figure it out. What does it taste like?”

Customer: “It tastes like coffee!”

Me: “Sir, this is a coffee shop.”

Customer: “Exactly!”

I got him a regular latte, and he seemed happy with it. The next day, one of our managers who wasn’t in that day told us that his “usual” was a cream-based caramel frappe, with absolutely zero coffee in it.

It is super early in the morning, and I’m working at a coffee stand. A woman rolls up, and it legit looks like she’s sleeping. She orders her coffee and hands me a punch card for a different local coffee stand.

Me: “Oh, that’s the wrong card.”

She looks at the card, looks at me, looks around, and says:

Customer: “What… Where am I?”

Related:
Someone REALLY Needed That Coffee

I work in a coffee shop. One of our problem regulars is laying into me because she’s upset that her foam isn’t exactly right.

Customer: “You should be making my drinks perfectly by now! I spend more money every day here than you make in a month!”

Me: “You spend over $1,000 a day on coffee? Are you, like, super bad with money or something?”

I’m Spanish, but I work as a barista in a coffee shop in London, UK. A seventy-plus-year-old British guy is ordering.

Customer: “One cappuccino.”

Me: “Of course!”

Customer: “Do you know where the word ‘cappuccino’ comes from?”

Me: “It’s from the Italian words ‘small capuchin’, which is a type of—”

The customer immediately interrupts me, seemingly annoyed that I seem to know something he was very much looking forward to mansplaining to me.

Customer: “No, it means ‘hood’ in Spanish.”

Me: “That is not true.”

Customer: “No, it is. I’m a professor.”

Me: “And I have considerably more experience in being Spanish than you.”

Customer: “No, you’re wrong. Cappuccino comes from the Latin ‘capus’, which means hat.”

Literally none of that is true. Then, he just started repeating the word “cappuccino” at me at different speeds, in a fake Italian accent. 

Related:
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 11
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 10
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 9
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 8
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 7

Customer: “I want a mocha but no coffee in it.”

Me: “Oh, so you want a hot chocolate?”

Customer: “No, I want a mocha.”

Me: “A mocha is espresso with chocolate. Without the coffee, it’s just chocolate.”

Customer: “I want a mocha but with no coffee.”

I look at my manager, who has heard the interaction.

Manager: “Just charge him $3.90 for a hot choccy milky.”

I did. He seemed happy. Regular hot chocolate was $2.50. 

Related:
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 5
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 4
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 3
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 2
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself