, , , | Right | August 29, 2018

(I work at a drive-thru coffee shop that shares a parking lot with a burger joint. One day a woman comes through my drive-thru.)

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, give me a [specialty burger] and a large fry.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: “You’re not [Burger Chain that has no stores on this side of town]?”

Me: “No, ma’am, this is [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: “Are you sure?!

Me: *looking at my apron and all the espresso equipment* “Yes.”

You Won’t End Up In The Soup

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(I work at a coffee franchise. The particular location is nestled into the corner of a gas station, and as such, we have no area for customers to sit and eat their food. It’s almost nine pm, and a middle-aged man walks up to my register, and I’m the only senior employee in the store at the moment.)

Customer: “I’ll take a large [coffee] — two milk, two sugar — your soup of the day, and a BLT.”

Me: “Okay, will that be everything for today?”

Customer: “Can I get the food in those china dishes you guys have?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t carry china dishes at this location. If you’d like, I can direct you to [Other Location nearby with a dining area, owned by the same person as my location].”

Customer: “Bulls***! I know you guys have those d*** dishes; I got my food in them just yesterday!”

Me: “I’m not sure what you want me to do, sir; we don’t have any dishes at this location. We have no tables, as we’re in a gas station, so there is no reason for us to store them here.”

Customer: “I see plenty of f****** reason! I want my food in them! I want to speak to your supervisor.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but she is only in from six until three. However, I’m currently acting supervisor as the senior employee right now.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you, then! I’m going to [Place I told him he should go to]!” *storms out*

New Hire: “Well, that was interesting. Are you worried he’s going to complain?”

Me: “Nah, the camera’s are recording everything, and [Manager] knows me better than that. There’s no way she’s going to take the word of some dude who wants to eat soup on the floor of a gas station over me.”

(As I predicted, my manager called me in during a shift next week to bring up the complaint from the man. She had gone over the tape and heard the whole exchange. Apparently he had gone to the other location and threw a tantrum because, as it had passed nine pm, they had tossed their soup because were going to close in a half-hour. She told me I did all I could, and even tried to make sure the owner still got a sale.)

Sounds Like They Really Need The Coffee

, , , , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(A lady calls on the phone.)

Caller: “Hi. Is this [Coffee Shop]?”

Manager On Duty: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Can you tell me what your dinner special is?”

Manager On Duty: “Ma’am, this is a coffee shop.”

Caller: “So, you don’t have dinner?”

Manager On Duty: “We have some sandwiches and snacks, but we mostly have coffee.”

Caller: “Oh, so, you sell coffee there?”

Manager On Duty: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Do you sell mattresses?”

Manager On Duty: “No, ma’am. Coffee.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay.”

Driving Through Their Own Little World

, , , | Right | August 27, 2018

(A customer comes into our drive-thru every week, skips the speaker box, and goes straight to the window. We’ve been telling him to order at the window, but he just nods his head and rattles off his order. This week’s encounter…)

Me: “Hi, I just need you to drive around and order at the speaker.”

Customer: “Yes… Can I get a medium [drink], please?”

Me: “Yeah, we’re not equipped to take orders at the window anymore, so I need you to go back around and order at the speaker.”

Customer: “Wait… Sorry, did you say something?”

Me: “You need to go… back around… and order… at the speaker.”

Customer: “But it’s broken or something.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s a sign on it.”

Me: “There is? What does it say?”

Customer: “Please drive through!”

Me: “That’s after you place your order!”

(I didn’t think a person needed step-by-step instructions to place an order at the speaker… not that he was paying attention much in the first place.)

Must Be High On Mooncake

, , , | Right | August 21, 2018

(I work in a popular chain coffee shop, and it is getting late. The phone rings, and I answer it.)

Me: “[Coffee Shop]. This is [My Name], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’m driving this truck, and I’m trying to find you, but I’m having trouble. Are you inside [Bookstore]?”

Me: “No, sir. We’re a standalone store. If you’re driving by [Bookstore], we’re on the opposite end of that same shopping center.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m headed that wa—” *he suddenly sounds very animated and starts shouting excitedly* “HOLY S***, LOOK AT THE MOON!”

Me: “The… moon, sir?”

Customer: “It’s so big! It’s beautiful! Holy s***!” *after a moment he regains his composure* “So, you’re over here by [Electronics Store]?”

Me: “Uh, yes, sir. Just keep driving and you’ll see our logo.”

Customer: *very excited again* “Oh, yeah! I see that b****! I’ll be in in a second!”

Me: *can’t help but chuckle* “Okay, sir. See you soon.”

(I hung up, and moments later he came in, just delighted to be there.)

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