Coffee Can Seem Like Magic But It Can’t Do All That

, , , | Right | February 3, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Coffee Shop] in [Mall]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, where do I cash out my lottery tickets?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got lottery tickets. Where do I cash them out?”

Me: “Well… I suppose a gas station would do it.”

Customer: “Why won’t you?”

Me: “This is [Coffee Shop]. We don’t do lottery tickets.”

Customer: “But you’re customer service at [Grocery Store]! You have to do it!”

Me: “No, ma’am. This is [Coffee Shop] in [Mall].”

Customer: *Angrily* “Well, can you transfer me to [Grocery Store] in [Nearby City]?”

Me: “No, I can’t.”

Customer: “Why?!”

Me: “Because this is [Coffee Shop] in [Mall].”

Customer: *Click*

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And That Is How The Expensive Cookie Crumbles

, , , , | Right | January 25, 2021

At the café where I work, we sell cookies that are made in-house. It is also important to note that the cafe is located in a very wealthy neighborhood. A woman, maybe in her late fifties, approaches the counter and just points at the cookies and smiles. I ask her if she wants them and she nods yes.

Me: “Okay, that will be 2,20€.”

The customer is still smiling while slowly pushing a fifty-cent piece across the counter.

Me: “Umm… it’s 2,20. I need a bit more.”

The customer adds a twenty-cent piece and slides that across the counter.

Me: “Okay, now we have seventy cents but the cookie is 2,20€.”

Customer: “Wait, how much does it cost?”

Me: “2,20€.”

Customer: “Seriously?”

Me: “Well, we do make them fresh in house.”

Customer: *Huffs* “I could make that at home!”

Even if she disagreed with the price, did she really think that a house-made cookie would only cost fifty cents?! Vending machine cookies cost more than that!

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A Uniform Response, Part 5

, , , , | Right | January 24, 2021

I have had three different jobs and I still have the uniforms for my other two, which were fast food. One of them was a coffee shop that is well-known but not too popular. I often wear the uniform shirt in public because I still love the place and don’t mind the free advertisement. I also have some pretty bad anger issues; I just feel angry for no reason at all kind of often, with a hair-thin trigger. This happens on my first ever trip to the much more popular coffee shop. I order and sit at a nearby table on my phone to wait.

Lady: “Get up!”

She is standing right in front of me, just staring. I look up at her.

Me: “What do you want?”

Lady: “That’s no way to talk to a customer! Get your a** up and make my coffee! I swear, lazy-a** millennials like you are ruining this country.”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Lady: “Don’t lie. I’ve seen you here! And it says it on your shirt! I am a paying customer; you can’t—”

I stand up and slam my phone down on the table and stand toe-to-toe to her. She is maybe an inch shorter than me so it isn’t that intimidating, but she does back up a couple of steps.

Me: “Excuse me? I don’t f****** work here. You know d*** well I don’t, as this—” *gestures to the name of the coffee shop on my chest* “—is nowhere f****** close to this shop. You don’t need to be talking s*** like that to workers or random-a** people. Now piss off; my drink is ready.”

I went up and got my drink. I didn’t bother seeing what happened to the lady after I said that.

Related:
A Uniform Response, Part 4
A Uniform Response, Part 3
A Uniform Response, Part 2
A Uniform Response

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You Have Become The Very Thing You Sought To Destroy!

, , , | Right | January 23, 2021

I’m waiting in line at a coffee shop. The line is only five people long, but it’s moving along very slowly due to the shop being short-staffed. Only one person is working behind the counter while the others are busy making sandwiches.

While I’m waiting, I check out the display. Since this is late in the day, they have run out of a lot of things. I decide on what I want from the options available and play around on my phone while I wait.

Meanwhile, a man in front of me is complaining loudly about having to wait such a long time, grumbling about how the staff is lazy and slow, and wondering why they don’t DO something about the long wait, etc.

Yeah, brilliant. I’m sure the staff would never have thought of working as fast as they could without that intelligent input. At one point, he even interrupts the woman working the cash register to complain to her directly, because stopping her from doing her job of handling the current customer’s payment will make the line move SO much faster.

The grumpy man finally reaches the first position in line.

Grumpy Customer: “I want a coffee and a slice of blueberry cake.”

Cashier: “Sorry, sir, we have run out of blueberry cake.”

The man stops dead in his tracks, looking as if someone has slapped him in the face.

Grumpy Customer: “Oh? OH! Ehm, wow, aha, ehm, what should I have instead then, ehm, let me think…”

It’s at this point that I burst out laughing at this man who had been wasting his waiting time complaining and being rude instead of actually checking the display to see if they had what he wanted, and was now holding up the line himself.

He decided on a cinnamon bun and hurriedly left the line with his head down, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

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Flipped That Argument Around

, , | Right | January 22, 2021

I work in a small café. It’s after closing hours and the big flip-sign on the door says, “CLOSED.”

A customer walks in anyway.

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “What does it mean?”

Me: “It means we’re not open.”

Customer: “So open? I need a coffee.”

Me: “No I said, ‘not open.’”

The customer turns around and sees the back side of the flip-sign on the door.

Customer: “Why does it say, ‘OPEN,’ then?”

He got me.

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