Inky Sweet

, , , | Friendly | March 30, 2018

(I’m working in a well-known coffee shop. I’m heavily tattooed, and I’m used to rude comments from others. There is a little girl whispering to her mother and sneaking glances at me. The mother looks over at me.)

Mom: “Go on! It’s okay!”

(The little girl practically tiptoes over to me, looking in awe at my tattoos.)

Little Girl: “Excuse me… Do you have to put on your tattoos by yourself every day, or does your mom help you?”

(That was one of the sweetest things I’ve heard, and it made my day.)

Having A Senior Moment

, , | Right | March 29, 2018

(A couple of foreign college students come in and order fruit smoothies. I start to ring them up.)

Customer #1: “I’m a senior.”

Me: “What?”

Customer #2: “Yes, we’re seniors.”

Me: “…”

Customer #2: *motioning to the blackboard* “Thursday is… senior discount day, right?”

Me: “Oh! That’s for people who are over 55… Not…”

(They both burst out laughing.)

There’s No Business Like None Of Your Business

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2018

(I work as a barista for a coffee chain, and like many others, we always ask customers for their names so that we can call out their orders. On this day, there are three of us working, and we all both make coffee AND man the registers. A guy in his mid-thirties wearing a suit walks in, yapping away on his phone. He cuts straight to the front of the line, ignoring the ten or so customers waiting patiently.)

Customer: *on phone* “Yeah, hold on.” *to me* “I’ll have—”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there is a line. Please wait your turn.”

(He shoots me a dirty look, but goes to the back of the line, still on his phone. I continue taking orders as normal, and soon, [Customer] is back at the front of the line. Lo and behold, he’s still on his phone, and is looking down on me like I’m a piece of dirt. He can’t be more than 5’5”, though, and I’m almost 5’7”.)

Customer: *snootily* “Yeah, I want an iced latte. Make it quick. I have somewhere I need to be.”

(I have a reputation for being extremely sassy and sarcastic, so I manage to keep my calm and speak increasingly politely throughout the whole conversation.)

Me: “All right, sir. What size would you like that?”

Customer: *sighs, as if I should know this already* “TALL! And hurry up!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but is that for here or to go?”

Customer: *is silent*

Me: *waits* “Sir?”

Customer: *irate for no reason* “TO GO! GOD!”

Me: “A tall iced latte to go. That’ll be $2.95, sir. May I have a name for the order?”

Customer: *rifles through wallet, continues talking on phone*

Me: *assuming he didn’t hear me* “Sir? I need a name for your order.”

Customer: *sighs EXTREMELY loudly, rolls eyes and ignores me*

Me: *losing patience, because the line is growing, but still keeping a calm face* “Sir! I need a name for this order.”

Customer: *suddenly exploding* “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, A**HOLE!”

(I plaster on a fake smile as he slaps a five-dollar bill down on the counter.)

Me: *handing him his change, in an overly sugary voice* “Here’s your change, sir. If you’ll just wait, your coffee should be ready in a couple of minutes.”

Customer: *huffs, goes and stands in a corner*

(I whip up his drink myself, since I don’t want my coworkers to have to deal with this guy. I notice he’s FINALLY finished his phone call, so I yell out his drink:)

Me: *shouting* “ONE TALL ICED LATTE, TO GO, FOR THE GUY WHOSE NAME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!”

(The whole store went quiet. The people in line burst out laughing and the customer went red. He stormed up to the counter, grabbed his drink, and flounced out of the store. I’ve never seen him since.)

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A Small Problem

, , , , , | Working | March 20, 2018

(I am talking with a coworker about classic cars whilst working the coffee machine. A customer has just come in, so I serve while he finishes off the last few orders. When you face the coffee machine, you have your back to the till.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a latte, please.”

Coworker: “I tell you what I do like: midgets.”

Me: “Umm, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “Sure, you have to smack them when they stop working, but they are sexy little things.”

Me: “[COWORKER]!”

Coworker: “WHAT?!”

Customer: “Hello!”

(My coworker peers over the counter to see a dwarf man standing there.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry! We were talking about classic cars, not people with your… um… condition?”

Customer: “It’s okay.” *laughs* “First time I’ve ever had another man call me sexy.”

(The customer took his drink and we laughed about it for the rest of the day.)

There… Were… Four… Rings!

, , , | Right | March 19, 2018

(I work at a small coffee shop that opens at five am. As the head baker on staff, I come in at three am to bake and decorate all the pastries and food my assistants prep the night before. There are no baristas in the building until at least four-thirty. At around four am, the phone starts to ring while I’m dipping donuts in chocolate, so I have to take a moment to wash my hands off before picking up the phone.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *literally screeching into the phone* “IT TOOK FOUR EFFING RINGS FOR YOU TO PICK UP THE PHONE!”

Me: *slightly taken aback, I don’t do much work with customers so this hasn’t happened to me before* “Well, I’m sorry, but—”

Customer: “STOP MAKING EXCUSES! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME WAIT SO LONG?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!”

Me: “Is there something I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “IN WHAT WORLD IS IT ACCEPTABLE FOR YOU TO DO THAT TO SOMEBODY?!”

(I am getting frustrated and want to bash my face against a wall.)

Me: “Sir, if you can’t tell me what you want, then I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to wish you a good morning and end this conversation.”

Customer: “OH, SO, NOW YOU’RE TRYING TO GET RID OF ME?!”

Me: “Yes.” *hangs up, knowing I’m about to say something super rude, otherwise*

(Not even a minute went by and I heard banging on the front door, so I peeked out the little pass-through window to the front, knowing it was too early for it to be a barista. Pounding on the glass and yelling with a very familiar voice was the man from the phone. He stood there screaming that I needed to let in paying customers, that he knew people were there, and that he demanded to be let in. I texted the store owner, who got there with the police fifteen minutes later and banned him from the property.)

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