Sales Of The Witching Hour

| MO, USA | Right | September 10, 2015

(It is Halloween time. We have lots of decorations all over the cafe. One is a sign that says, “I’m a real witch with or without my coffee.” It’s all cartoonish with a witch on a broomstick and all that.)

Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

Customer: *points to the sign* “Is that a real thing? Like, is it serious?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

Customer: “Is it about real witches?”

Coworker: “Uh… real witches?”

Customer: “Yeah. Like, Satan worship.”

Coworker: “Uh…”

(So I step in because my coworker was just stunned.)

Me: “Oh, it’s just for Halloween.”

Customer: “So it’s a joke.”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s a joke.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. It’s funny. But, you know, there are real witches.”

Coworker: “Okay…”

Customer: “Like, people who say they’re witches and worship Satan. My brother dated one once. Not that I’m judging!”

Me: “It’s just supposed to be funny…”

Customer: “Okay. That’s good that it’s not about Satan.”

Me: “Yep… not about Satan.”

Customer: *smiles and waves* “Okay, bye. God Bless.”

Coworker: “Was she saying that Wiccans worship Satan?”

Me: “Uh…”

(So now I refer to our employee meetings as Meetings of the Coffee Coven and my coworker and I started saying, “Hail Satan!” before leaving at the ends of our shifts.)

The Munchkin Gymnast Special

| USA | Right | September 9, 2015

(My brother and I work at our family coffee shop, and this happens one morning when my brother is covering the shift of our female co-worker. A middle-aged man walks in.)

Customer: “Where are all the hot girls?”

Brother: “…What?”

Customer: “Don’t all the hot girls work here?”

Brother: “Uh, well, I’m working today.”

Customer: “Man, there’s this one…” *he holds out his hand, indicating how short our coworker is* “…She’s a little munchkin. She looks like she could be a gymnast.”

(He eventually placed his order and left a good-sized tip.)

Be-Laboring The Point

| Seattle, WA, USA | Working | September 8, 2015

(I give birth on July 4th, came home on the 6th, and on the 7th my husband and I go around to businesses our friends work at to show them our baby. There is a new cashier to take our order, and he notices we have a little one in a stroller.)

Cashier: “How old is she?”

Husband: “We had her on the fourth, so she’s three days old.”

Cashier: “She’s sooo tiny!”

(Cashier looks me up and down, and his eyes stop at my belly.)

Cashier: *while speaking to my belly in an excited voice* “OOOH! And you have ANOTHER one coming!”

Tip Of The Stupidity Iceberg

| CA, USA | Right | September 5, 2015

(My sister and I are waiting to order coffee, and there is a high school cheerleader in front of us talking to the barista.)

Cheerleader: “So, um, like, you know the iced coffee? Can you make it… like… hot?”

Barista: “…What?”

Cheerleader: “You know, the iced coffee with caramel? Can you make it hot?”

(By this point, I am looking at my sister in disbelief.)

Barista: “Well, um, yeah, we can make you a regular hot coffee with a pump of caramel.”

Cheerleader: “…oh…”

(She discusses this for a little bit more before simply ordering the iced coffee. It takes everything in me not to laugh at the poor girl. She seemed sweet, but that’s not defying stereotypes!)

Likes His Coffee Extra Dark

| HI, USA | Working | September 3, 2015

(I am buying a drink from a common coffee shop. After giving my order, the employee asks:)

Employee: “And what was your name?”

Me: *deadpan* “I am Lord Voldemort.”

(We share a laugh.)

Me: “I gave my name as ‘Hermione Granger’ once, but the barista ended up writing ‘Lord Voldemort’ on the cup. I’ve used that ever since.”

Employee: “You know, I’m going to buy your drink for you, seeing as you’re the Dark Lord and all.”

Me: “Wow, thank you! The Dark Lord is pleased.”

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