Food For Thoughtless

| Derby, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(The store I work in is now a very popular coffee brand store. We’ve been open for two weeks. The building was previously a food and dining store, but the building had been empty eight months prior to our store opening.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

Customer: “Well, I’m not very d*** good now!”

Me: “Oh, I’m ever so sorry to hear that! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I came here for some breakfast, but you’re not [old store] any more!”

Me: “Well, we do have breakfast options. We can heat them for yo—”

Customer: “NO GOOD! I WANTED HOT FOOD!”

Me: “We can do you hot food; we offer porridge, and of course our lovely hot dr—”

Customer: “IT’S S***! IT’S GARBAGE, THAT’S WHAT IT IS! I WON’T PUT UP WITH IT!”

(While he’s steadily getting angrier, another customer has entered the store behind him.)

Me: “Um, there’s not really much else I can do I’m afraid, sir. Was there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a… NO! I’ll go somewhere else. THIS IS TOTAL S***! What do you have to say for yourself?!”

Me: “Er… I’m sorry but [old store] hasn’t been open on this site for almost a year, so there really is nothing I can do about it. If that is everything, I will just serve the next customer who has been waiting patiently. Thank you, have a good d—”

Customer: “I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU! I WA—”

Next Customer: “Well, she’s finished with YOU! You’re obviously bloody stupid; EVERYONE knows that [old store] hasn’t been here for ages! It’s too d*** early for you to be yelling at this poor girl! Now, sod off and let me get my coffee!”

(The first customer all but runs from the store.)

Me: “Wow, thank you for that! I’m so sorry you had to step in though!”

Next Customer: “No worries, my darling! Hey, I recognise you; didn’t you work at [popular fast food store]?”

Me: “Yup! Five years of putting up with customers like that; I think I may have brought them with me!”

Next Customer: “Oh, dear me. Well, this is for you, darling! Keep that smile going!”

(The woman hands me a £5 note, swiftly followed by several more from the other customers in the store, all of whom come over when they hear where I used to work!)

Shaken About The Stirring

| NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(We have a condiment bar right next to the door that offers various sugars, half & half, and other coffee additives that the customers can add themselves.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have a decaf latte with two sugars, please.”

Me: “Certainly. Our sugar is over by the door for your convenience.”

Customer: “Oh, of course.”

(I ring him up, and my coworker makes his latte and hands it to me. I place it on the counter for the customer, who comes up and proceeds to stare at me.)

Me: “Yes? Is there anything else, sir?”

Customer: “Oh! I’m so sorry.”

(He runs across the shop to the door, picks out two packets of sugar, and then runs back and hands them to me expectantly.)

Me: “You want me to add them?”

Customer: “Of course!”

Me: “…okay.”

(I add the packets myself while he watches. I replace the lid and hand it back, but he continues to stare at me.)

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “The sugar is just going to settle at the bottom if you don’t stir it!”

Me: “The stirrers are provided for you at the condiment bar, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, fine! I’ll just do it myself.”

(He hustles out, grabbing a stirrer and clumsily trying to fix his coffee as he walks. My coworker stares at me.)

Coworker: “Did he just make all the effort of running all over the shop, just to have you pour his sugar in?”

Good Honest Coffee

| Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

Regular: “Is [coworker] here?”

Me: “No, is there something I can do for you?”

Regular: “Oh, I was just here yesterday and I was chatting with [coworker], and didn’t pay for my espresso. I’d like to pay for it now.”

(I look at him in shock.)

Regular: “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Me: “Because most people aren’t that honest.”

Regular: “Well, they should be; what’s so difficult about it?”

Me: “Nothing, but it’s unusual. Would you like your usual along with it?”

Regular: “Yes, please, but make sure you charge me for yesterday’s as well.”

(The girl I am working with and I are just awestruck. It puts us in a good mood for the rest of the day.)

She Likes Her Coffee Black Belt

| UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(My friend and I head to a coffee shop. When we get there, there’s a customer screaming at the barista.)

Customer: “You useless little s***! How hard is it to make a d*** drink? I’m going to ring your manager; I’m going to complain to head office…”

(He continues making threats. The poor girl behind the counter is pretty much in tears. My friend’s patience runs out.)

My Friend: “Oi, mate! I don’t know what’s going on here, but screaming isn’t helping things.”

Customer: “Mind your own business, b****!

My Friend: “What did you call me?”

(The customer turns back around to my friend. The customer is a pretty big guy, six foot, and fairly wide. My friend is five four, female, and fairly unimposing. He squares up to her.)

Customer: “I called you a b**** who should learn to mind her own business. Now p*** off!”

(The customer shoves her.)

My Friend: “Don’t touch me.”

Customer: “Or what?”

(The customer goes to shove her again. My friend grabs his arm, turning with it, and throws him to the ground hard enough to wind him. She puts her foot over his crotch.)

My Friend: “Or you learn I have a black belt in judo. Apologize to the nice lady now.”

(The customer apologizes, but the police are still called. My friend and I get a free lunch!)

Making A Spectacle Of Herself

| Middlebury, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I normally wear contacts. I am in a rush before work and just put my glasses on. A regular customer comes through later in the morning.)

Me: “Hi! Just a medium today?”

Regular: “Just the medium—hey, you’re wearing glasses! You never wore them before.”

Me: “That’s because I always wear my contacts, ma’am.”

Regular: “Don’t lie to me. You don’t need those!”

Me: “I’ve needed glasses since I was nine.”

Regular: “You know, I’m sick of you ‘hipster’ kids wearing ‘nerd’ glasses for fun! There are those of us that need them, and don’t appreciate what you’re doing!”

(I motion to my black plastic frames with their small rectangular lenses.)

Me: “I’m not hipster, and my lenses are too small to be nerdy.”

(The regular reaches across the counter, and grabs the glasses off my face.)

Regular: “You kids need to realize glasses aren’t just a fashion accessory!”

Me: “Ma’am, please give those back.”

(The regular puts them on, then flings them to the floor when she realizes exactly how strong they are. She picks them up and scratches a lens as she tries to figure out if they’re real. She throws them on the counter, breaking off one of the side arms.)

Regular: “What the h*** is wrong with those? Why are the lenses so weird?”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, I’ve needed glasses since I was nine. Actually, my vision is so bad that I legally cannot drive or even work without wearing vision correction. You just broke my only pair of glasses, which the local vision center does not carry anymore. How would you like to repay me for these?”

(The regular takes her coffee and pretty much runs. My manager sees the whole thing on camera from the office, and gets her information from the next time she comes in. Because we have proof she had destroyed my property, she didn’t fight handing me a check to cover the cost of a whole new pair of glasses.)

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