His Manliness Is The Cream Of The Crop

| MD, USA | Right | September 25, 2015

(I am a customer waiting in line at a coffee shop:)

Server: “Good morning, sir. What can I get you?”

Guy Ahead of Me: *very gruffly* “I don’t know. I hate all these choices. Just gimme a plain, brewed coffee. Black. And don’t put any of that sissy stuff in it. I don’t want flavors or whipped cream or any of that crap.”

Server: *a little taken aback, but polite* “Okay, sir.”

Me: “I’d like a double, tall, non-fat latte and, because I’m secure in my masculinity, add some whipped cream.”

(She gave me a discount.)

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No Drink Americano

| BC, Canada | Right | September 21, 2015

(I work at a popular ski resort in Canada. We get a lot of American tourists, many very rude and demanding. I am the barista on duty. I do not take customer’s orders, but the layout of the store means that a lot of customers talk to me while I make their drinks. This particular customer has ordered an Americano, which is made with espresso shots and hot water.)

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m making an Americano.”

Customer: “Is that for me?”

Me: “I’m not sure; I didn’t take your order. Is your name John?”

Customer: “Yes, but I ordered coffee, not whatever this is.”

Me: “The order slip says you ordered an Americano. That’s what this drink is, sir.”

Customer: “You Canadians have a really stupid way of making coffee. I have been all over the world and I have never seen coffee made like this before.”

Me: “Actually, sir, Americanos are not Canadian. They were invented by Italians, for Americans who didn’t like traditional Italian espresso and had to have it diluted with water.”

Customer: “Hmph!” *takes his drink and walks away*

Icy Receptions

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | September 15, 2015

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Vanilla latte.”

Me: “Would you like that hot or iced?”

Customer #1: *blank stare*

Me: “Ma’am? Hot or iced?”

Customer #1: “Medium.”

Me: “Okay, medium vanilla latte. Hot or iced?”

Customer #1: “Sarah.”

Me: *it clicks* “Oh, your name is Sarah. Okay, is this hot or iced?”

Customer #1: “I don’t need a receipt.” *begins attempting to swipe card*

(I give up, total the order, and write her name on a hot cup. The next customer approaches.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer #2: “Large caramel latte.”

Me: “Is this hot or iced?”

Customer #2: “Phillip.” *begins to swipe card*

Coworker: “And so sets the tone of the day.”

(The first customer comes back in.)

Customer #1: “EXCUSE ME, I WANTED THIS ICED!”

Me: “Of course you did.”

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The Extra Cake Is Not A Lie

| New York, NY, USA | Working | September 13, 2015

Me: “One chocolate cake pop, please.”

Cashier: “All right, let me just— Oh!”

(One of her coworkers is already getting the cake pop for me.)

Coworker: “Only one?”

Me: “Yeah, just the one.”

Coworker: “You get a discount when you get two!”

Me: “I know, but if I got two, then no one else might be able to try them!”

Cashier: “That’ll be $1.75.”

(I pay for the cake pop and notice the bag seems a little more full than it should be. When I look inside, there’s two chocolate cake pops! I smile and fish out a couple of singles to leave in the tip jar.)

Me: *smiling at the coworker* “And this is for you!”

Coworker: “Aww, man! I thought I was being clever.”

(It was a small thing, but I really appreciated it after my after-school job! Even popular coffee chains can have golden employees.)

Woke Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed Tomorrow

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | September 13, 2015

(The Saturday issue of the local paper we sell is called the “Sunday Early Edition” since it contains a section of coupons, classified ads, etc. A customer brings one such paper to the counter.)

Customer: “Just a tall coffee and the paper today.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $*.**!”

Customer: *looks down at paper* “Oh, I grabbed the wrong paper. Let me put this back.”

(He takes the paper back to the newspaper rack, and I assumed he wanted one of the national papers, but he comes back and slaps the local paper on the counter.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any of TODAY’S papers?”

Me: “Ah… sorry, what?”

Customer: “It’s only nine in the morning; you shouldn’t have tomorrow’s paper yet!”

Me:“Tomorrow’s paper? Sir, this is definitely today’s paper!”

Customer: “NO! It says SUNDAY on it, right there! It’s only Saturday!”

Me: “Yes, however the [Paper] calls its Saturday paper the “Sunday Early Edition” since it has coupons and such in it.”

Customer: “But it says SUNDAY! See? Every page says Sunday!”

Me: “I see it, sir, but that’s just what they call the Saturday paper. I assure you, it’s today’s paper. Tomorrow’s paper hasn’t been printed yet.”

Customer: “I’m putting this back. I don’t want tomorrow’s newspaper!” *walks off in a huff*

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