Being Picky Is An Exact Science

, , , | Right | January 20, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium coffee with twenty seven and a half sugars.”

Me: “I’m sorry, was that… twenty seven and a half?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You’re sure you don’t just want the twenty-eight?”

Customer: “Ewww, gross! That’d be too sweet.”

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Insatiable

, | Right | January 12, 2008

Me: “One tall cappuccino!”

Customer: *picks up drink, opens lid and looks inside* “Excuse me. There’s a lot of room in here. The top is nothing but foam.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what a cappuccino is. It’s basically the same thing as a latte but with more foam.”

Customer: “I don’t get you guys. You guys make me think I’m buying more by calling a small drink a tall, and now you just fill my drink up with foam.”

Me: “I’m sorry. If you’d like, I could just get you a latte.”

Customer: “No, that’s alright but I will take a passion tea lemonade.”

(I do her order and she comes back.)

Customer: “WHY IS THERE SO MUCH ICE?! F*** YOU GUYS AND YOUR RIP OFF DRINKS!”

(Customer storms off with the drink and chucks it at the window outside.)

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Perhaps A Little Bit Too Free

, , , | Right | December 29, 2007

(A woman walks in totally nude and grabs a muffin. She has a large, rather offensive tattoo from her bottom rib up her neck.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take those…”

Nudist: “Why, because of the tattoo?”

Me: “No, because you need to pay for it first.”

Nudist: “It’s a free country!” *walks out*

(I ended up pulling out my wallet and paying for it myself, because getting arrested for chasing a nude chick down the street is not worth it.)

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Underwater Basketweaving, B.A.

, , | Right | December 7, 2007

Customer: “Can I have a banana?”

Me: “Sure.” *I ring her up and give her a banana*

Customer: “Uh, actually… could I have a more ripe banana?”

(I hand her a very yellow banana with faint spots on it.)

Customer: “No, no, a RIPER banana. Like, a greener one.”

(I stare at her for a second, get a greener banana, and watch her walk away wondering how she got into college.)

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I Got Alky On My Mind

, , | Right | December 4, 2007

(I work at a small, independent coffee shop. You will be surprised how often things like this happen.)

Customer: “Do you sell alcohol?”

Me: “No, we only sell coffee.”

Customer: “But it says shots on the menu.”

Me: “Espresso shots.”

Customer: “What kind of liquor is that?”

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