The American Way Is Closed

| Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Politics

(It’s store policy to have employees in the store 30 minutes before opening and 45 – 60 minutes after close to prep, clean, etc. We closed about 10 minutes ago and I am mopping the eating area. A customer bangs on the door. We’re required to interact with customers, even after close, so I go and crack the door open.)

Customer: “What the h***? I need a coffee. Let me in.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We closed 10 minutes ago. All of our coffee has been dumped and the machines are going through a cleaning cycle.”

Customer: “What? What are you doing here then?”

Me: “We have to clean the store and set up for tomorrow morning after close every night.”

Customer: “Seriously? They make you stay after close?”

Me: “Well, yes. We can’t clean the equipment while serving customers.”

Customer: “That’s monstrous! That’s slave labor!! I’m writing corporate about this!”

Me: “Sir, they still pay us… it’s standard procedure.”

Customer: “It’s horrible! I’m so sorry! This isn’t the American way!”

(He leaves, then, still mumbling about the ‘atrocity’ of our situation.)

Can Give An Inch In A Pinch

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m a barista at a well known coffee chain. I only work the opening shift, which means I’m at the store at 5:30 am. This customer comes in around 6:15 am.)

Me: “Morning. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Americano.”

Me: “Sure. Do you need room for cream?”

(I think he answers no. I make the Americano, and fill the cup to the top, leaving no room for cream.)

Me: “Here’s your Americano. Have a great day!”

Customer: “You call this room?”

Me: “Sorry! I must have misheard you. I can pour some out for you, if you’d like.”

Customer: “Yes, please. Pour out about an inch.”

(I pour out a good inch of the beverage and hand it back to the guy.)

Customer: “You call this an inch? Clearly men have been lying to you your whole life, dear.”

(He immediately walks away, while I stand there, suffering from shock.)

Manager: “Did he just say what I think he said?”

Will Have To Wait For The Correct Answer

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I have just finished at the doctor’s office and talk my mom into taking me to get some coffee. We decide to go through the drive-thru as I need to get back to school and her to work. She is driving and I’m riding shotgun.)

Cashier: “What can I get for you today?”

Mom: “Two coffees, please.”

Cashier: “That’ll be [total]. Please pull around to the window.”

(As there is a long line, it takes about 10 minutes before we finally get to the window.)

Cashier: “Sorry about the wait.”

Mom: “Oh, I’m doing fine. How about you?”

(At this, the cashier gets a deer-in-the-headlights look as he does not know how to respond to this break in the conversational cycle. I, however, am cracking up.)

Mom: *looks at the cashier and then at me* “What’s so funny?”

Me: “Mom, he said sorry about the wait.”

Mom: “Oh! I thought he said ‘how are you.'” *turns to the cashier* “I’m sorry. You can laugh at me if you want…”