What Planet Is She From, Because I Want To Live There

, , | Right | July 6, 2008

Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.”

Me: “That’ll be $1.95.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want to pay for it.”

Me: *shocked* “Ma’am, this is a store. We sell things for money in order to make a profit.”

Customer: *stares blankly*

Me: “The coffee isn’t free.”

Customer: “Can I have the coffee anyway, since you already poured it?”

Me: “No. ”

Customer: *looks at me for a moment and then walks away*

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Because Mocha Sounds Sooo Much Like Frappuccino

, | Right | July 2, 2008

Customer: “Hi, I’d like two large strawberries and cream Frappuccinos.”

Me: “All right, anything else with that?”

Customer: “No, that’s all.”

(I make her drinks and hand them out.)

Customer: “These are cold…”

Me: “You ordered two large strawberries and cream Frappuccinos.”

Customer: “Oh! You know what? I actually meant I wanted two large mochas. The hot drinks!”

(Duh, how could I not have gotten that from her original order?)

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Never Smart: Biting The Hand That Makes Your Coffee

, , | Right | June 29, 2008

Customer: “I want a coffee.”

Me: “What sort of coffee can I get for you, sir?”

Customer: “Just black coffee.”

Me: “Would you like drip coffee or an Americano, sir?”

Customer: “Don’t make it so BLOODY COMPLICATED! Just get me a coffee! And don’t try to sell me them fancy things like sprinkles, neither!”

(My coworker and I stifle our laughter as I silently ring up the largest size of the most expensive ‘black’ coffee.)

Customer: “That’s better. No more of your lip!”

Coworker: *laughs out loud*

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And Yet He Lives With A Nut

| Right | June 26, 2008

(A customer with her toddler comes into the store while I’m working on another customer’s order.)

Customer: “I want to know if your peanut butter cookies have nuts in them.”

Me: “Yes, yes they do.”

Customer: “Oh, well my son is allergic to nuts. Do you have any that don’t have nuts?”

Me: “You could try the oatmeal raisin.”

Customer: “No, he doesn’t like raisins.” *picks up a different cookie*

Me: “Um, those are white chocolate macadamia nut, which also have nuts in them.”

Customer: “Well do you have anything that is nut-free here?!”

Me: “We have cakes with fruit in them, muffins, bagels, croissants and scones. Would he like those?”

Customer: “You people don’t care about my child!” *storms out of the store, child in tow*

Me, to coworker: “How is he still alive?”

Coworker: *shrugs*

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Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 2

| Right | June 24, 2008

Me: “I have a tall mocha.”

Customer: “That’s me, thanks.”

Me: “Thanks! Have a good one!”

(She returns in less than a minute with a disgusted look on her face.)

Customer: “What is this?!”

Me: “That’d be a mocha latte.”

Customer: “Does it have espresso in it?”

Me: “Yes. ”

Customer: “Ugh, this is the worst thing I have EVER put in my mouth!”

Me, without a beat: “Ma’am, I highly doubt that.”


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