Hard To Drink In This Much Stupid

| Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am the customer in this story. I’m in a coffee shop and there is a man in front me who has just rattled out a majorly complex iced coffee order with a myriad of flavor sauces, even going so far as to request a layer of whipped cream in the middle of the drink.)

Cashier: “All right, that’ll be [price]. Your order might take a moment.”

Customer: “That’s fine.”

(I order my own coffee, which is just a mocha latte, without whipped cream. The barista finishes my drink first, as it’s much simpler. It’s in a paper cup, as it’s hot, whereas his is being seen prepared in a clear plastic cup, as it’s iced.)

Barista: “Mocha latte for [My Name]!”

(The customer with the long order swoops in before I can grab my drink, swiping it off the counter and taking a sip immediately.)

Customer: “This is perfect! Thank you so much!”

(He then runs out the door before either of us can speak.)

Me: “Did he just..?”

Barista: “… I’ll make you another drink.”

Exposed For What It Really Is

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I’m working the opening shift at a chain coffee shop. It’s six am and I’m prepping for the morning rush at the bar.)

Female Customer: *quietly and embarrassed* “Hi. So, that man sitting outside by the window over there… I think he has his penis outside of his pants.”

(I look over and it’s a regular customer who pops in throughout the day. I turn back to her.)

Me: “Him, over there?”

Female Customer: ” Yes. I don’t know if maybe a male employee can go check and see?”

(I summon my male shift lead, who is confused at the accusation.)

Me: “If it’s true, I don’t want to know that much about him. Will you take a peek so I can help this woman feel, you know, not sexually harassed?”

(He reluctantly goes outside and talks to our regular and quickly heads back inside holding back a smile.)

Shift Lead: “He’s holding his sunglasses case in his lap.”

(The case was the exact same color as his skin tone. We told him about it later and all cracked up.)

Religious Hatred Works Both Ways

| Saint Paul, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Religion

(A customer I’ve never seen before comes in alone; he’s young and looks fairly normal. It’s slow, so it’s pretty much just me running the cash register and the bar by myself, with my manager doing paperwork in the back. There are a couple of other customers who’ve already been served.)

Customer: “Can I have two large lattes and a medium blended mocha with peppermint?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I ring him up and begin making his drinks. I’m almost finished when he notices that I’m wearing a small silver cross necklace.)

Customer: “You’re not a Christian, are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m non-denominational, but yes, I’m a Christian.”

Customer: “You can’t be serious. You know that’s all just a fairytale, right?”

Me: “Here you are, sir.”

Customer: “I can’t drink this. If you’re a Christian, you’ve got centuries of blood all over your hands, and I’m not touching anything you’ve touched. I want a full refund, you w****. How can you hypocrites live with yourselves?”

(Not wanting to continue the conversation since I didn’t trust myself to remain calm, I begin a return.)

Customer: “I mean, just look at Westboro Baptist Church! That’s more than enough evidence for me that you all deserve to be wiped off the map!”

(He goes on like this all the while I’m processing his return. None of the other customers in the shop say anything, although I see one or two looking at us. I finally finish his transaction and hand him his money and receipt and manage to look him in the eye)

Me: “Have a blessed day, sir.”

(He cursed violently and knocked the two lattes off the counter. One of them landed on his pants, scalding and causing him to curse again. He grabbed his money and stormed out, still yelling about how religious people are a “disgrace to humanity” and should be “exterminated.” After I cleaned up the remnants of the lattes, I went on break and drank his blended mocha.)