Milking All The Carbs

, , , | Right | April 8, 2018

(I work in a coffee shop.)

Customer: “I’ll take the chai tea with the sugar-free milk, or whatever you have.”

Me: “…”

Should Have Stayed Soylent

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(It’s been a long, busy afternoon and I’m trying to serve people whilst preparing food. I go to serve a customer but realise the banana bread behind me is burning, so I pull it out whilst I am still listening to her order. She is speaking very softly, so I ask her to repeat her order. In the most patronising way possible, she repeats her order.)

Customer: “I’ll have two small mudslide mochas with soy sauce.”

Me: “Uh… Did you mean soy milk?”

Customer: *instantly sheepish* “Oh, yeah. I guess so.”

(She scoffed like somehow it was my fault she said the wrong thing, paid, then walked away.)

Loyalties Remain Unclear

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(The store is full and the line long. Whilst I’m waiting for my drinks to be made, I overhear this:)

Cashier: “Do you have a points card?”

Old Man: “No, I don’t.”

Cashier: “Would you like one? You get points for every hot drink you buy and earn points for free drinks.”

Old Man: “No, don’t bother. I had one, but no one else took it.”

(I turn around, guessing at what he is implying, and try to tell if he is joking. His stern look tells me otherwise.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. No one else took it? You mean other [Store] locations?”

Old Man: “No! Other coffee shops. I tried it in the one down the road. They told me that they wouldn’t take it. It’s a scam.”

Cashier: “Sorry, sir, do you mean [completely different Coffee Shop]?”

Old Man: “Yes, I went in there, and I spoke to the manager.”

Cashier: “Sir, our ‘loyalty’ card is for customers shopping at our store. That store has nothing to do with us.”

Old Man: “Well, that is just stupid.”

(I could see the cashier’s face as they struggled and gave up trying to explain the concept of a loyalty card that doesn’t reward you for being loyal!)

Unfiltered Story #108249

, , , | Unfiltered | April 5, 2018

(Just to set some context, I work in a large coffee chain in the north of England, and until this point we had never had an American come in the store. This middle aged American woman comes in with one of our loyalty cards which must be reloaded and the money must be used in order to get your points. Before I can even greet her, she approaches the till, holds up her card and says:)

Customer: With this card, I am single-handedly keeping this store afloat.

Me: (slightly stunned at this point) Uh… Okay. What can I get for you today?

Customer: Well first of all you can tell me how much is on my card.

Me: (swipes card to check balance) *laughing* There’s actually nothing on your card at the moment…

Customer: (looking a bit sheepish) Oh… Okay. Well can I put two hundred dollars on it?

Me: (I’ve never ever reloaded that much money onto a card before.) “Well we only deal in pound sterling here. So I can put two hundred pounds on? But that won’t be the same amount as dollars I’m afraid.

(The lady looks shocked as if the difference between pounds and dollars had never occurred to her before.)

Customer: But you’re an American company!! Why can’t you just put it on in dollars?

Me: No, we can only reload in pounds, we are in Britain.

(Eventually the customer agrees to load her card with a significantly smaller amount of money in pounds, and then all she buys is a small coffee which is £2.50.)

Me: I thought you wanted a lot more money than that going on?


Sadly, He’s A Part Of Your Future

, , , | Right | April 4, 2018

(One of our regulars is an old man notorious for talking to anybody and everybody in the shop about his opinions on politics and religion. For fun, I have put up a little sign that says, “Happy ‘Back to the Future’ Day! OCT 21 2015 07 28,” because it is now the date that Marty, Doc, and Jennifer traveled to in the movie.)

Regular: “So, what’s going on with ‘Back to the Future’?”

Me: “Well, have you seen Back to the Future?”

Regular: “What?”

Me:Back to the Future.”

Regular: *nonplussed*

Me: “Have you seen that movie?”

Regular: “Nah, I don’t go to movies.”

(He then puts his head down and proceeds to act as though he does not care to hear or understand me while I briefly explain why I put the sign up.)

Regular: “They haven’t made a good movie since [Movie Title I have never heard of]. They don’t make ’em that way anymore.”

(I proceed to ring him up.)

Regular: “Hate to tell you that, but…”

Me: “Well…”

Regular: “Don’t buy into their garbage.”

(He looked at me as though he was really pleased to have “burst my bubble,” and walked away.)

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