The Best Coffee In Cybertron

| Santa Clara, CA, USA | Right | April 8, 2017

(A young woman walks into our store carrying an unusually large purse.)

Woman: “Hi! I’d like to order a caramel frappuccino. Nothing else, please.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be [price]. Who’s it for?”

Woman: “My friend.” *pulls plastic robot-looking toy out of her purse along with her wallet; sets it on counter and passes me a credit card* “His name is Soundwave. But you can say it’s for Allison.”

Me: “Okay… You can pick that up over at our pickup window.”

Woman: “Thank you!” *puts toy back in purse, walks away*

Refill And Rethink Your Scam

| USA | Right | April 8, 2017

(I work in a coffee shop in a larger department store. We have a free refill policy on teas and coffees, as long as it was purchased in the store and the customer has not left. Many people abuse this.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “I’d like a refill.”

Me: “Oh, what was your drink? I don’t remember making it.”

Customer: “Green tea with lemonade. The other girl made it.”

Me: *still smiling away* “Really? Wow, that’s a long time to be shopping!”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ve been here almost an hour.”

Me: “Nope. My last coworker left at three. It’s now eight. I have to charge you for this drink.”

(Cue grumpy stomping off!)

Dr. No, To-Go

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Working | April 3, 2017

Customer: “I’d like a medium vanilla latte, for to go.”

Me: “Certainly. And a name for the order?”

Customer: “Bond… James Bond…”

Me: “And would you like that hot latte shaken or stirred?”

Customer: “Well, probably stirred… I doubt the barista can handle shaking a hot drink, even for an international man of espionage.”

(We both grinned and completed the transaction without a hitch.)

That Better Just Be Cream Inside

| ON, Canada | Right | March 29, 2017

(One of our best selling donuts is the éclair which has a rather… phallic shape. A mother and daughter come are ordering via drive through.)

Mother: *at the speaker* “Do you have any of those creamy long donuts?”

Daughter: “THE ECLAIRS. PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE THEM!”

Me: “Yes, we have three left.”

Daughter: “WE’LL TAKE THEM ALL!”

Me: “Okay, please drive through.”

(They come around to the window. They pay and I hand them their box of éclairs.)

Daughter: “You know, these things are SOOO delicious.”

Mother: “Mm-hmm.”

Daughter: “I WOULD HAVE SEX WITH THEM IF I COULD!”

(The daughter then proceeded to stick the éclair in her mouth in a very sexual way. The mother screamed and drove away.)

You’re Not Getting Change Until You Change

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Right | March 29, 2017

(I am in line with my friend and have ordered myself a latte. The cashier turns to relay the order to the barista when a man arrives, tosses two dollars on the counter, grabs a small coffee cup, and heads over where the black coffee dispensers are without saying a word. The cashier turns back around and sees the money on the counter.)

Cashier: “Oh, honey, it’ll be more than $2.”

Me: “Actually, that’s not mine. That man over there just threw that down. I think he’s paying for a coffee?”

(We turn and watch as the man exits, still silent.)

Cashier: “…okayyy. Guess someone’s not getting their change today.”

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