I am witness to this interaction in a coffee shop. I recognize the old lady as a regular who is usually grumpy, but this is the first time she’s been loud enough that I am able to overhear from across the store.

Customer: “I want the chai!”

Coworker: “Now, Mrs. [Customer], you know we don’t have any chai in stock. You were told yesterday that we wouldn’t have any until Friday. Are you ordering it on purpose because you know we don’t have it and you want to cause a fuss?”

Customer: “I don’t care what you said! I want a chai!”

With this, she slams her walker against the ground like she’s having a tantrum.

Coworker: “Mrs. [Customer], you had chai a few weeks ago and declared that you hated it with a passion. Now, what else can I get you?”

Customer: “I want the chai!”

At this, she upgrades from stomping her walker on the floor to slamming it against the glass counter. It actually chips a little on the corner of the impact. The manager takes over at this point.

Manager: “That’s it! Mrs. [Customer], we are tired of you purposefully ordering items out of stock in order to get a free drink. Either order something on the menu or leave, and stop using your walker in this manner or you’ll be banned!”

Customer: *Glares* “Fine. Latte. Extra hot!”

The old lady then waddles in my direction and turns her glare to me.

Customer: “Get up!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I said get up! This is my table!”

Me: “No. I’m sat here, so right now it’s my table.”

Customer: “This is where I always sit! It’s my table! Get up!”

With that, she tries to hit me with her walker. I grab it before it does any real damage, but I’m still a little shocked!

Manager: *Rushing over* “That’s it! You’re banned! We’re calling the police!”

Customer: “She’s sitting at my table!”

Manager: “I can do you one better: you can have a whole room to yourself… at the police station!”

Security escorted her out while the manager asked if I wanted to press charges. I said no, a simple banning would be fine for me. Thankfully, none of us ever saw her again!

Customer: “I need a refund on this coffee. And a free meal for the inconvenience.”

Me: “I’m sorry the coffee is not to your standard, ma’am. Can you tell me what was wrong with it so I can remake it for you?”

Customer: “Oh, no, the coffee is perfect. But it was made with too much care.”

Me: “With… too much care?”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s now delayed my very busy day.”

My manager gave her the refund, but nothing else.

Manager: *To me, after* “Well, that’s a new one!”

From my many years of being a barista, I still remember my most obnoxious customer and the only drink he ever ordered.

Customer: “Venti, 152-degree, half-soy, half-lactaid Caramel Macchiato; 1½ pumps syrup, light foam, 1½ shots of espresso, with ½ a packet of ‘Sweet & Lo’ inside.”

He would bring out a thermometer to measure the drink’s temperature as soon as it was served and watch as the “Sweet & Lo” was poured to make sure it wasn’t the whole packet.

Customer: *Taking a sip* “This isn’t right. Remake it.”

Coworker: “Can I ask what you don’t like about it so I can try to adjust—”

Customer: “What I don’t like is that you didn’t follow my instructions exactly. Remake it.”

My poor coworkers would, of course, just follow the same instructions again and this jerk would make them remake it twice before he was happy. Every single time.

After a while, we realized a pattern where he would only do this song and dance when the female baristas served him. He always seemed to not need it remade when I or another male barista made and served the drink. 

We all agreed that only the men would make his abomination of a drink from now on. We could actually see his disappointment when one of the guys brought out his drink and there was NOTHING wrong with it. He had to go find his weird misogynistic power play somewhere else.

Customer: “I want a refund on this! It was supposed to be coffee!”

The customer places a bag of our coffee beans on the counter with a dramatic thud. I check the contents.

Me: “Sir, this is coffee.”

Customer: “Are you blind?! These are just a bunch of seeds!”

Me: “Not seeds, sir, beans. These are coffee beans. Did you need me to grind them for you?”

Customer: “Wait… coffee is beans? I thought it was like… dirt?”

Me: “Dirt?”

Customer: “Yeah. Like at home, I just scoop out the coffee dirt and pour in the water, and it turns into coffee.”

Me: “You mean instant coffee?”

Customer: “Isn’t this that?”

Me: “Let me tell you where coffee comes from…”

Customer: “Get me my usual.”

Me: “I don’t know what that is, sir.”

Customer: “What? My usual! I always get my usual! Get it for me!”

Me: “What’s your usual, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t actually know.”

Me: “Okay, well, since none of us here know, either, let’s see if we can figure it out. What does it taste like?”

Customer: “It tastes like coffee!”

Me: “Sir, this is a coffee shop.”

Customer: “Exactly!”

I got him a regular latte, and he seemed happy with it. The next day, one of our managers who wasn’t in that day told us that his “usual” was a cream-based caramel frappe, with absolutely zero coffee in it.