Children Of The Corn Sandwich

| USA | Bizarre

(I’m working at a coffee shop in a larger department store. We have a problem customer who comes in multiple time a day on weekends. He’s not aggressive, but he’s usually high.)

Customer: “How much are those sandwiches?”

Me: “Most of our sandwiches are $6.84.”

Customer: “I don’t want anyone to know. Those kids, they know I’m buying sandwiches. They always know.”

(There are no children present.)

Me: *getting confused* “We put the sandwich in a bag.”

Customer: “No, the kids always know. They’re very smart. What if I get a gift card? Then they won’t know! Give me a gift card for the sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, that’s $6.84. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “Are you sure they won’t know? I don’t want the kids to know about my sandwich.”

Me: “Uh, no, I don’t think they’ll know about it.”

(He bought a gift card for the exact price of the sandwich, and then used it to pay for his sandwich, all while going on about “the kids always know.”)

Coworker: “What was that about?”

Me: “Weed. That was about weed.”


It’s My Party, I Can Pump If I Want To

| VA, USA | Food & Drink, Popular

(I volunteer at a non-profit coffee shop and am one of the only few people that run the register.)

Me: “Hi, what can we get for you today?”

Woman: “Yes, I’d like your [Caramel Blended Drink] with five extra pumps of caramel in it.”

Me: “Um, okay. You would like five extra pumps of caramel in it?”

Woman: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Me: *in disbelief* “We already make it with three, so you want it with an additional five?”

Woman: “Yes, I guess I’m saying I would like eight pumps in it.” *laughs* “It’s my birthday so I can do what I want.”


An A-moo-sing Joke

| Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “You have nut milk!”

Me: “Yes. Three kinds, actually: almond, pecan, and walnut.”

Customer: “And you make them here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But… how do you make them?”

Me: “Well, if you look out that window behind you, you can see our free-range nuts grazing.”

(I have done this multiple times and at least 50% of our customers will turn around to look out the window.)


Unable To Tap And Go With The Flow

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(Tap-and-go debit/credit cards are just being introduced. We have just got our new credit card reader with the tap feature a few days beforehand. My boss instructs me that if a customer hands us their card and it has the tap-and-go logo, I should tap it myself. I don’t necessarily think this is a good idea, but I do as I’m told. A customer has just ordered their coffee when this happens.)

Me: “That will be $1.70.”

Customer: “On debit.” *hands me his card*

(I see the the tap-and-go logo on his card and press the card to the machine for a few seconds. It pays and I hand the card back to the customer.)

Customer: “Wait, don’t I need to pay?”

Me: “Nope, you just did. I just tapped your card.”

Customer: “Why did you do that?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Why did you tap my card for me?”

Me: “Because that’s what my boss told me to do when customers hand their cards to me.”

Customer: “But why did you tap my card for me!?”

Me: “Because my boss said to.”

Customer: “Do you know how RUDE that is to just take someone else’s card and pay!?”

Me: *seeing this is going to be difficult* “Sir, if you have a problem with the lack of security with the tap cards, I suggest you go to your bank and ask them to remove that feature from your card. I’ve already done that myself.”

Customer: “But do you know how RUDE that is?!”

Me: *sighs* “I don’t know what to tell you, sir; I’m just doing what I was told. Would you like to talk to my boss about it?”

Customer: “Yes, I would!”

Me: “Here’s the store number and the hours he’s usually here at.”

Customer: *just as he’s about to leave* “Seriously, you shouldn’t just tap someone else’s card. It’s so RUDE!”

(He did call my boss and complain about how “RUDE” I was, but my boss didn’t budge. My boss told me to just keep tapping people’s cards, but I just let customers tap their cards themselves just to try and avoid that guy again.)


Made A Rocky Start

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

Customer: “I’d like to order a caramel frappuccino, on the rocks.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “A frappuccino, on the rocks. Unblended. You have that, right?”

Me: “I think the closest equivalent would probably be a caramel-flavored iced latte.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ll take one of those, then! I didn’t realize they had a different name.”

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