(I am working drive-thru at a major coffee shop chain. Every once in awhile, customers will “pay it forward” by paying for the order of the vehicle behind them. This is a happy surprise for the next customer, and usually causes them to pay for the order of the next vehicle and so on. We’re currently in the middle of a “pay it forward” chain when the following customer pulls up at the window.)

Me: “Hello, your total is $3.49, but the car in front of you has already paid for it.”

Customer: “What the f***?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s been going for 11 cars in a row. You can pay it forward if you’d like to keep the good deed going. No pressure, though.”

Customer: “F*** that! I’ll pay for my own coffee. Not paying for some clown behind me!”

Me: “Not a problem. Your order has been paid for. Have a good day.”

Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said I am paying for it! This is such a scam getting people to pay for others. You’re what’s wrong with the world today, you know!”

Me: “I’m sorry for trying to give you your order for free.”

Customer: “That’s right, and don’t you DARE use my money to pay for the person behind me, you punk!”

(The customer peels away. As for their money, I used it to keep the chain going, which lasted for another fourteen vehicles.)

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(My friend works at a Russian-owned coffee shop. One day, he returns from a smoke break and the phone rings; the owner answers.)

Owner: “Allo? Da… Da… Nyet… Nyet… Da… NYET! Goodbye!”

(The owner then walks over to my friend and tells him the following…)

Owner: “Customer call. He says you smoke outside of shop. He doesn’t like it. If he says anything to you, you look at him and you say, ‘F*** YOU!'”

Coworker #1: “Um, you need to let everyone know we don’t have breakfast burritos because I don’t have any in my station.”

Me: “Are you sure did you check in the back? I think I saw some earlier.”

Coworker #2: “One burrito, please!”

Coworker #1: “I JUST SAID WE DON’T HAVE ANY BURRITOS!”

Me: “Did you check in the back?”

Coworker #1: “No!” *to the other customers* “We don’t have any burritos!”

(20 minutes pass, and then another coworker rings in a burrito because they forgot.)

Coworker #3: “Can I get a burrito?”

Coworker #1: “I said I don’t have burritos! Why don’t you listen to me?! You need to pay attention! I don’t have burritos!”

(Upon hearing this, I walk into the back cooler. I find plenty of burritos prepped and ready to be cooked, and carry them out to him as proof.)

Me: “You had burritos in the back!”

Coworker #1: “Oh, I know. I just wasn’t going to go get them!”

Customer: “I’ll have my ciabatta loaf and a small latte.”

Me: “That comes to $9.90.”

(The customer hands me a $10 dollar bill, and I give her 10 cents change. Then, she produces her loyalty card. I see that she is up for a free coffee.)

Me: “Oh, you’re due for your free coffee. I’ll give you some extra change back.” *I hand her the extra change*

Customer: “No! I don’t want it! I don’t want the money!”

Me: “But you’ve earned a free coffee.”

Customer: “I come in here EVERY time and I order a ciabatta loaf and a coffee, and it comes to $9.90. I give you a $10 note, and I give you a 10-cent tip!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry… did you want to save your free coffee for another day? It’s alright. I can—”

Customer: “No, it’s NOT alright! I didn’t want the free coffee! I don’t want it! You don’t get your 10-cent tip today!”

Me: “Okay… well, I’ll just have to wear that.”

Customer: “Stupid woman. You don’t get your 10-cent tip today!” *leaves*

(My friend, a former coworker, comes in on a Saturday to say hello. She is standing by the counter chatting with me when a regular customer comes in. I immediately go to serve her.)

Customer: “I’ll have a latte.” *looks at my friend* “You’re wearing that to work?!”

(My friend is wearing ripped jeans, a local band shirt, and boots you could kick through a wall with, as well as her nose stud and four rings in each ear.)

Friend: “I don’t work here anymore.”

Customer: “Well, no wonder, if you started showing up like a hooligan! Young people have no sense of professionalism these days! If I met you in the street, I’d think you were going to mug me!”

Friend: “Actually, I quit because I started a new job.”

Customer: “Doing what, exactly? Scaring children?”

Friend: “Sort of. I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

Customer: *gasps, grabs her latte, and runs out the door*

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