Made A Rocky Start

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Right | July 13, 2016

Customer: “I’d like to order a caramel frappuccino, on the rocks.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “A frappuccino, on the rocks. Unblended. You have that, right?”

Me: “I think the closest equivalent would probably be a caramel-flavored iced latte.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ll take one of those, then! I didn’t realize they had a different name.”

I Can Pick One Reason Why You Won’t Work Out

| MI, USA | Working | July 6, 2016

(I am the manager of a small coffee shop. A friend of mine recommends his sister, a regular customer, to fill an open position. I agree to give her an interview. Later…)

Friend: “So, how’d it go? Do you think you’ll hire [Sister]?”

Me: “Probably not. There’s been a lot of interest, so she’s competing against experienced baristas and servers.”

Friend: “C’mon, please give her a chance. She loves coffee, and loves this place. And everyone needs to start somewhere, right?”

Me: “I know, I know. Also, she misspelled ‘cappuccino’ and ‘espresso’ in her cover letter. The letter she wrote by hand while sitting in the shop, in plain view of the menu board. That’s just careless.”

Friend: “Okay, I see that. But—“

Me: “And the final reason I’m not going to hire her is because during the interview, she picked her nose, looked at it, and ate it, while she was in the middle of answering a question.”

Friend: “Oh. Yeah, good call.”

Pulling Off A Heist With Very Little Brain

| Matthews, NC, USA | Right | July 5, 2016

(We have a customer who comes in almost every day and steals our bottles of honey. He will order a hot tea from our kiosks and use a whole bottle of honey. He will then ask an associate to get a new bottle. After we get the bottle for him, as he leaves later on, he will stick the honey in his newspaper to hide it and walk out. My nickname for him is Pooh Bear.)

Me: “[General Manager], Pooh Bear is back. Can I please say something?!”

General Manager: “No, I’ll handle this. I’ve had enough.”

(Our GM walks over to him as he’s leaving and gets his attention.)

General Manager: “Hey, man, I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to check out the sports highlights from last night!” *opens newspaper* “Hey, man, isn’t that our bottle of honey?”

Pooh Bear: “Oh… uh… Yeah, is that okay?”

General Manager: “No, it’s not okay, dude! Stop stealing our honey. That’s theft. We could call the cops and have you arrested. We have cameras constantly monitoring our store and we have you on numerous occasions stealing from us.”

(He hasn’t been back in almost two weeks now. And that’s how we pulled off “Operation Pooh Bear!”)

An Odd Ex-perience

| Tampa, FL, USA | Romantic | July 3, 2016

(When I was a junior in college, I dated a guy that I really, REALLY liked. We broke up due to major differences in opinion on “how far is too far.” Fast forward several years. We both live in different states several hundred miles apart. I am visiting my hometown and I stop in a local coffee shop…)

Me: “Hi, I’ll have an iced vanilla latte.”

Barista: “Sure thing. Your total is [total]. Just step down to the end and we’ll get your drink ready!”

(I step down to the end of the counter. I hear something fall behind me and turn around, where I spot my ex, who I haven’t seen in five years.)

Me: *audible gasp*

(He makes eye contact with me…)

Ex: *eyes widen, face turns white*

Me: *opens my mouth to say something*

Ex: *books it out the door and into his car*

(Thanks. Nice to see you, too.)

Wish You Could ‘Ice’ Some Customers

| MN, USA | Right | June 16, 2016

(I work at an extremely busy coffee shop. I am working on bar, making and calling out the drinks. We are constantly busy and simultaneously have multiple orders to accommodate. I finish making a mocha for ‘Sara.’)

Me: “Sara, your drink is ready!”

(Two minutes later.)

Me: “Sara! I have your white mocha.”

(Five minutes later.)

Me: “SARA, I HAVE YOUR DRINK READY.”

(Two more minutes later, Sara comes and leans over the register.)

Sara: “Um, excuse me? I have a question. When is my drink going to be ready? I’ve been waiting a long time.”

Me: “Are you Sara?”

Sara: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, your drink is waiting at the end of the bar.”

(Sara grabs her drink, and immediately gets disgusted look on her face.)

Sara: “Um, I wanted this drink iced.”

(I remake her mocha, iced. Five minutes later, Sara returns.)

Sara: “This is, like, the worst drink ever made. I want it blended.”

(I remade her drink and used all self-control left in my being to prevent myself from throwing it at her.)

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