The Drive-Thru’s New Groove

| TN, USA | Working | December 22, 2015

(My friend and I have been out shopping during Christmas time, having a mostly good day, but we are exhausted and slightly annoyed by the treatment got at the last store we went to. We decide to call it quits for the day and head to Well Known Coffee Shop for a well-deserved coffee, but the drive-thru line is enormous. When we finally get to the speaker, this happens:)

Employee: *on the speaker, with a super deep voice* “Ah, hello there. Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get for you?”

Friend: “Hmmm, not sure yet. Gimme just onnnee second!”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, take your time. I’ve got to check on my spinach puffs anyway; don’t want them to burn.”

Friend: “…Oh?”

Employee: “Yeah, Yzma can be a cranky old crone when she is hungry. You should hear her. ‘Pull the lever, Kronk!’ It’s pretty much all she says.”

(At this point we are cracking up, so much so that my friend rolls up the window and we laugh until we start crying. When we finally regain our composure, my friend rolls the window back down.)

Friend: *trying so hard not to laugh* “Well, I’d like two [Coffees], please.”

Employee: “Coming right up! Go ahead and pull around to the first window.” *then quieter, as if he is turned away from the mic* “Yzma, is this the [Coffee] potion or the llama one again?!”

(We pulled up to the window and promptly burst into laughter. The poor guy looked embarrassed and asked if we knew what he was talking about. We told him we did, and we all had a good laugh. I went online afterward and had to search for an hour to find out how to give him positive feedback, and I made sure to massively compliment him. He made our day a hundred times better. I’ve been back many times since and it’s always been well worth the trip. Thanks for being awesome, Coffee Shop guy!)

They Know Where They Can Stick That Chopstick…

| London, England, UK | Romantic | December 21, 2015

(My girlfriend and I decide to go and get coffee together. I am also a girl, and we walk in holding hands. We order, and go to pay. The cashier is giving us a weird look.)

Cashier: “So, which one of you is the guy?”

Girlfriend: “Uhhh… what?!”

Cashier: “I mean in your relationship. Which one of you is the guy?”

(At this point, I pick up two spoons off the counter, and hold them up to him.)

Me: “Hey, can you tell me which one of these spoons is the chopstick?”

Cashier: “What?”

(He got this bewildered look on his face, which sent my girlfriend into fits of laughter. Even after we paid and walked away, he still looked totally confused.)

The Power Of The Holiday Season

| NH, USA | Right | December 21, 2015

(I work for a large, popular coffee shop chain and it is four days before Christmas. A wind storm has caused all but our emergency power to go out, and we only have a few lights, one computer, and one espresso machine working. Our district manager refuses to authorize a complete shutdown until the final machines die, so we are still taking customers. Our store is very dark and oddly quiet due to the lack of music and refrigerator exhaust.)

Customer: “I’ll have a venti nonfat latte and a bacon breakfast sandwich.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can still make the drink, but our oven is not working at the moment, so we can’t heat up a sandwich for you.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay. Well, the latte then. Can you also grind this coffee for a French press?” *places a pound of our company’s holiday coffee on the counter*

Me: “I’m afraid our grinder is out of commission as well right now. We have pre-ground bags of that coffee available on sale today, but the grind is intended for an electric coffee maker, not a French press.”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “Okay…” *grabs a gift card from our impulse display* “Can you put $15 on this and give me an envelope?”

(I scan the card and give it back to her.)

Me: “Be sure to hold onto the receipt for that. Our system is partially down and while I’m not anticipating it, there’s a small chance that the activation might not go through right away.”

Customer: *fully angry now* “Why are you being so god-d*** unhelpful today? It’s four days before Christmas! You people should have been prepared for a large amount of customers!”

Me: *very calmly* “Ma’am, we were prepared for a lot of customers. What we weren’t prepared for was a wind storm strong enough to knock out our power. That’s why our oven, grinder, and computers aren’t working to their normal capacity.”

(The woman blinks and looks around, as if she’s only now just noticing the building’s darkness and eerie silence.)

Customer: “Oh, wow. I didn’t even notice.”

Me: *trying to smile as I hand her the latte* “We’re working with what we have for now.”

Customer: “You have no business being open if you can’t take care of people!” *flounces off*

Me: “Merry Christmas!”

(Thank goodness we got the call to shut down only a few minutes later, but those few minutes involved several more people who could not comprehend that we couldn’t do much for them.)

Five Coffee Ring (Stains)

| Australia | Right | December 17, 2015

(I work in a cafe that is part of a club that also has restaurants and bars. People often come in for dinner and coffee, and then stick around for some drinks. It is just before Christmas, and two customers come to my counter looking very excited.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Club]! What can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Hi, I’d like to order two cappuccinos, four hot chocolates, and three flat—”

Customer #2: *very excitedly* “And a partridge in a pear tree!”

(Both of them pause, looking at me expectantly.)

Customer #1: “…I think we did that wrong.”

Customer #2: “And we’re not even drunk yet!”

Stripped Of Inhibitions

| BC, Canada | Right | December 13, 2015

(I work two jobs in a small town. My regular position is lifeguard/AquaFit instructor at a local pool. I am currently working my part-time job at a local coffee shop when one of my regular AquaFit class members comes in with his wife and recognizes me.)

Customer: “Oh! Hey there, I almost didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!”

(His wife and I had a good laugh while his face went bright red and he fumbled through the rest of the transaction. The next day at the pool he could hardly make eye contact!)

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