Don’t Push It

| Australia | Friendly | August 25, 2016

(A couple of friends and I are discussing bras along with their 15-year-old daughter. I am quite well endowed, while they aren’t, and often get teased about it.)

Friend: “[My Name], do you ever wear a push up bra?”

(Before I can answer the daughter pipes in.)

Daughter: “Are you kidding? She’d suffocate.”

A Lack Of Foreign Policy

| Canada | Right | August 24, 2016

(I work at a coffee shop in an area frequented by tourists. We are well aware that some foreign cash/debit cards are not accepted. Lady orders coffee and tries to pay with a US debit card. The card is declined twice.)

Lady: *to her friend* “I don’t understand. I just checked my account!”

Me: “Is it a foreign card? Foreign debit cards are usually not accepted.”

Lady: “No, it’s not!”

Me: “Are you sure? I’ve never seen this bank name before.”

Lady: “It’s NOT foreign. It’s American!”

Me: “You do know that America is a foreign country for everyone outside of it?”

Lady: “Well, that doesn’t make any sense!”

(Her friend then explained to her that Canada and the USA are different countries and suggested she use her credit card instead.)

Children Of The Corn Sandwich

| USA | Right | August 23, 2016

(I’m working at a coffee shop in a larger department store. We have a problem customer who comes in multiple time a day on weekends. He’s not aggressive, but he’s usually high.)

Customer: “How much are those sandwiches?”

Me: “Most of our sandwiches are $6.84.”

Customer: “I don’t want anyone to know. Those kids, they know I’m buying sandwiches. They always know.”

(There are no children present.)

Me: *getting confused* “We put the sandwich in a bag.”

Customer: “No, the kids always know. They’re very smart. What if I get a gift card? Then they won’t know! Give me a gift card for the sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, that’s $6.84. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “Are you sure they won’t know? I don’t want the kids to know about my sandwich.”

Me: “Uh, no, I don’t think they’ll know about it.”

(He bought a gift card for the exact price of the sandwich, and then used it to pay for his sandwich, all while going on about “the kids always know.”)

Coworker: “What was that about?”

Me: “Weed. That was about weed.”

It’s My Party, I Can Pump If I Want To

| VA, USA | Right | August 20, 2016

(I volunteer at a non-profit coffee shop and am one of the only few people that run the register.)

Me: “Hi, what can we get for you today?”

Woman: “Yes, I’d like your [Caramel Blended Drink] with five extra pumps of caramel in it.”

Me: “Um, okay. You would like five extra pumps of caramel in it?”

Woman: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Me: *in disbelief* “We already make it with three, so you want it with an additional five?”

Woman: “Yes, I guess I’m saying I would like eight pumps in it.” *laughs* “It’s my birthday so I can do what I want.”

Paying It Forwards And Backwards

| MN, USA | Working | July 28, 2016

(I am pulling up to a drive-thru at a coffee shop when I notice my coworker in the vehicle ahead of mine. I don’t think that my coworker notices me pulling into line behind her.)

Me: *placing my order* “Hi, I would like a large iced mocha. Also, I would like to surprise the vehicle ahead of mine and pay for their order. Will you tell them their drink has already been paid and to have a nice day.”

Worker: “Oh, that is so nice of you. So the total of both drinks will be [total].”

(I pull up to the window. And try to hand over the money to pay for the drinks.)

Worker: “Sorry, I can’t take your money.”

Me: “What do you mean? Why not?”

Worker: *laughing* “Because the customer ahead of you insisted on paying for your drink. I’ve never had this happen before.”

(I guess my coworker and I both had the idea to surprise each other. It made my day.)

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