The Service Doesn’t Matcha Your Expectations

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Working | September 5, 2016

(I am at the mall and decide to stop by the stand for a well-known coffee chain to get a frozen drink. There are three employees: Employee #1 who is rude, Employee #2 who is doing all the work, and Employee #3 who is too lazy to live. Employee #1 takes my order and I move to the bar to wait for my drink.)

Employee #3: “Who had the green tea frappe?

Me: “I did.”

Employee #3: “So, yeah, we don’t have enough matcha powder to make your drink. I mean, there’s some in there, but it’s not enough.”

Me: *thinking I’ll be asked to re-order* “Okay…?”

Employee #3: “We should have another container upstairs in stock. Do you want me to go getu it? You’d have to wait.”

Me: “I’ll wait. Please go get it.”

(He leaves and I’m waiting roughly eight minutes all while Employees #1 and #2 are arguing because the former is speaking to both customers and the latter rudely and can’t seem to comprehend why everyone’s mad at him. Meanwhile, Employee #2 is the only one making drinks as Employee #1 plays with pastries and a long line behind me is forming of unhappy customers.)

Employee #3: *returning* “So, yeah, we don’t have anymore. Do you want what’s already made up?” *it’s just the milk and powder mixture that’s been sitting on the counter uncovered this whole time*

Employee #2: “No, you are not giving her that. [Employee #1]! Go find that powder! *turning to me* “I am so sorry about this. I know it’s there; I don’t care what he says.”

(I’m getting annoyed but am too polite to say anything so I wave it off. Another eight minutes go by and Employee #1 returns with the powder.)

Employee #3: *addressing [Employee #2]* “So, add this to what I already made, or…?”

Employee #2: “DUMP THAT OUT, YOU IDIOT. Start again!”

(My drink finally got made. But all this time, for my inconvenience, I was not offered a discount, a refund, a free cookie, or anything.)

Made A Sweet Chocolate Covenant

| CA, USA | Right | September 1, 2016

(While waiting for my order at the window of a local coffee place, I overhear this conversation:)

Employee: “One large chocolate chip chocolate Frappuccino with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate sauce.”

Woman: “That’s me.”

(I eye her drink with slight judgment.)

Woman: “It’s not for me; it’s for my grown-*ss man child who would rather play Halo all day than get food.”

(The entire store heard this and was laughing for ten minutes. The manager gave her a $10 gift certificate for the comment.)

Scammers Never Take A Holiday

| VA, USA | Right | August 30, 2016

Customer: “Hi, can I get [Popular Holiday Beverage]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that’s only available during the holiday season. Can I get you something else?”

Customer: “Well, since you’re out of what I want, can I get some of those free drink coupons you give out?”

Me: “No, sir, literally no one has [Popular Holiday Beverage] right now. It’s April.”

Customer: *scanning menu board* “What about [Item he thinks sounds obscure]?”

Me: “It’s available in half pounds right here, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t want that. I just hoped you’d give me some coupons ’cause you probably didn’t have it.”

(After he leaves:)

Coworker: “That’s like ordering a pony at McDonald’s, and demanding free stuff because they don’t have it. What the h***?”

Putting The ‘Table’ Into A Stable Relationship

, | Kitchener, ON, Canada | Romantic | August 29, 2016

(I’m working at a coffee shop cleaning tables, when an older gentleman tells me what a good housewife I’ll be due to my table washing abilities. Many men make comments like this towards women at my work, so we thank them politely, even if it actually annoys us. After yet another comment, I call my boyfriend.)

Boyfriend: “Hello?”

Me: “Hey, it’s me. I just wanted to remind you how lucky you are to have me, because I was just told by another gentleman what a good housewife I’ll be, because I can wash a table!”

Boyfriend: “Babe… That’s a problem. Because… I’m pretty good at table-washing, too… So who will wash the tables?! I thought I’d be barefoot in the kitchen cooking for you when we’re married!”

Me: “No, no, babe. You can only do those things now because you’re a bachelor! Once we’re married—”

Boyfriend: “Oh, right! You become my slave. I forgot!”

Me: “Exactly!”

Boyfriend: “You’ll cook all my meals, and speak only when spoken to.”

Me: “Except when you’re not home. Then I’ll sing as I clean the house.”

Boyfriend: “With woodland creatures?”

Me: “You know it!”

Double D-erogatory, Part 2

| Australia | Friendly | August 28, 2016

(Friends and I are discussing sleeping habits. I am the token big-boobed friend and get teased about it.)

Me: “I tend to sleep on my stomach.”

Friend: “How can you sleep on your stomach with those boobs? Where do you put them?”

Me: “That’s what armpits are for; I’ve just got to remember they are there before I try to roll over.”


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