(I’m a manager at a very busy cafe. One day I head over to the restaurant for work. On my way there, a woman nearly hits me while changing lanes without using her blinker. I slam my brakes and lay on my horn, but she doesn’t even acknowledge the accident she almost started. She proceeds to cut off four other people, again without a blinker and without any room for her car to even go. She’s headed in the same direction as I am. When we turn off to the same shopping center, she pulls in front of another store, nearly hitting a pedestrian. While she’s not in front of me, I manage to get a look at her face. I go in the cafe and start setting up. An hour later, the same woman comes into the cafe.)

Insane Woman: *to the host* “HEY. I need to talk to the manager.”

Host: “Sure thing. What did you need to see the manager for? I can let him know when I tell him that you’d like to see him.”

Insane Woman: “None of your god-d*** business. Go get your manager.”

Host: *shocked* “Uh, okay.”

(The host comes to get me and tells me that there’s a woman to see me and that she appears to be angry. I ask what the problem was and the host, of course, doesn’t know. He mentions that she has just walked in.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you?”

(At this point, I recognize her from this morning)

Insane Woman: “I want a job application.”

Me: *trying not to laugh in disgust* “Oh, really? What makes you want to work here?”

Insane Woman: “Is that really any of your business?”

Me: “Considering that I do the hiring, yes.”

Insane Woman: “Does this place pay well? Also, I don’t work weekends.”

Me: *trying to contain myself* “I don’t think this would be a good fit for you.”

Insane Woman: *glaring* “Uh… WHY?”

Me: “Well, first, your attitude is sour and our cafe is known for its friendly staff. Second, your insane driving habits would be extremely off-putting to anyone who knew you worked here.”

Insane Woman: “How would YOU know how I drive?!”

Me: “Because you almost hit me this morning when you cut me off.”

Insane Woman: *silent*

Me: “You then almost hit four other cars and when you pulled into this shopping center about an hour ago, you nearly hit a pedestrian.”

Insane Woman: *rolls her eyes*

Me: “I sincerely hope you go home and work on your attitude some more. Being rude is one thing; causing physical danger to the people around you, though, is absolutely unforgivable. Have a nice day.”

Insane Woman: “Where’s the job application I asked for?”

Me: *thinking: has she even been listening?* “Have a nice day.”

(I walked away and she just stood there for a minute before leaving.)

(I have a part-time job next to a college as head of the kitchen in a cafe. One of my classmates is general manager of the cafe. The boss has no idea how the kitchen or cafe really works, but she keeps bringing in ‘ideas‘ or orders to change things up, which the manager and I then work into the regular schedules with a lot of planning. Sometimes we’re able to convince her to trust our judgement, but most of the time she argues that we’re just “students who don’t know better.” We also do at least five-ten hours additional office work and other things each week that are barely ever accounted for in our paychecks.)

Manager: “I spent two hours yesterday trying to make the order system work the way the boss wants it. It’s halfway there. All the waitresses have trouble with it, though.”

Me: “You’re gonna love it once we change from the popular muffin versions we have to the basic ones we sold two years ago. Boss wants to keep it simple‘.”

Manager: “Oh, god.”

(In that moment, the boss visits for the first time in a week.)

Boss: “Oh, by the way, I decided the order system doesn’t work that way. Change it to [even more complicated plan] by next week, okay?”

(She leaves before we can even discuss it. After a quick moan the manager turns to me with a huge grin on his face.)

Manager: “I cannot wait for the day you graduate college and quit to look for an apprenticeship. I’m gonna start taking bets on how long until the kitchen explodes. And that’s precisely when I’ll quit as well.”

(I am a high energy, cheerful person who works in a cafe inside a large building. Part of my cheer is musical; I sing and hum, often without even noticing that I am. You can hear me in the cafe where I work and a little in the dining room but I definitely am not belting it out. A customer comes in, already in a foul mood, and after listening to me sing for about thirty seconds, goes off.)

Customer: “You’re so loud; stop it! I’m having a horrible day and you are disturbing me! I don’t want to hear it! STOP! STOP! STOP!”

(I stop singing. About a minute later I absently start humming softly to myself as I brew coffee and she goes off again.)

Customer: “I TOLD YOU TO STOP. SHUT UP!”

Me: “Ma’am, you said stop singing because I was too loud. I stopped singing. I was just humming, very quietly.”

(The customer turns to a random other old woman and starts ranting.)

Customer: “She’s so annoying; she always does stuff like this! I can’t stand her! Isn’t she terrible?!”

(The other customer just looks uncomfortable and keeps doctoring her coffee silently. I bite my tongue and say with as much sincerity as I can muster:)

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry you are having a bad day. I hope it gets better.”

Customer: “My day will get better when I leave!”

(She sneers at me and I just smile calmly back.)

Me: “Mine will, too.”

(I am serving a customer some drinks.)

Me: “Hi there, what can I get you?”

Customer: “Could I get a double espresso topped up with some water in a mug?”

Me: “So you’d like an Americano, then?”

Customer: “No. I clearly said an espresso in a mug with water.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is an Americano.”

Customer: “No, that isn’t. I want an espresso topped with water. I know my coffees.”

(I then make her drink. The kicker: an Americano is cheaper.)

Related:
Me No Speak Americano

(I work at a café at a mall that sells gift cards you can use at every store within the mall, but it is also clearly stated that you cannot use these gift cards at any of the stores where food is sold (cafés, bakeries, supermarkets, etc.). It’s a very busy day right before Christmas, and a customer is ordering some food.)

Customer: “That’ll be it!” *takes out the mall’s gift card* “So, how do I do this? Do I just swipe?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, we do not accept the mall’s gift cards.”

Customer: “But that’s ridiculous! It says on the back of it that it can be used everywhere at this mall!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you can’t use it here or at any of the other cafés in the building. It’s written on the back of the gift card as well as on the webpage where it’s bought.”

Customer: *raising his voice and leans over the counter* “BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR MY FOOD?”

Me: “You’ll have to pay with something besides the gift card, and if you don’t have any money, I’ll have to ask you to step aside so I can take someone else’s order.”

Customer: *swears under his breath and walks away*

(About 10 minutes later, the customer arrives with one of the mall’s security guards. The guard walks up to me.)

Guard: *whispering* “I really don’t know what to do with this guy. We’ve all tried to explain to him that he can’t use the card here, but he won’t give up! Is there something you can do?”

(Meanwhile the customer had been standing next to the people waiting in line swearing and talking loudly to the customers about the terrible service and incompetent employees. We ended up giving him his meal for free, and less than a week later he tried the same thing at one of the other cafés. The management at the mall then took away his gift card (worth $80) for the two meals (worth $50). The man was very satisfied with the mall finally taking his gift card as payment.)