Doubling Down On Calling It A Double Double

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2018

(Most of us in our small office just use our coffee maker, but it’s broken and will take a couple of days to replace, so we’re taking turns buying coffee on the way in for the group. Today is my turn, and this happens while I’m in line at a donuts-and-coffee chain.)

Customer: “Tall double-double.”

Cashier: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Tall double-double!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but I don’t unders—”

Customer: *loudly, but not quite shouting* “TALL. DOUBLE. DOUBLE.”

Cashier: “Sir, that doesn’t sound like anything we serve.”

(At this point I’m about to step in, having figured out what he means, when the guy slaps himself on the forehead.)

Customer: “Large, double sugar, double cream.”

Cashier: “Oh! I’m sorry; I should have figured that out!”

Customer: “Yeah, sorry, I’m just so used to stopping by [Other Chain] every morning, but the local one’s closed for renovations. Guess I’m a creature of habit.”

(He gets his coffee and leaves without any more fuss, and I step up and place my order.)

Me: “I wonder how long it will take him to realize there’s another [Chain] a block away?”

Cashier: “Shh! With any luck he’ll realize our coffee’s better and cheaper!”

(To be fair, it WAS cheaper, though “better” is highly subjective, depending on how strong you like it!)

An Ounce Of Parental Prevention…

, , , , | Related | September 28, 2018

(I cut off contact with my abusive mother years ago, and most of my family totally understand why, with the exception of my grandmother and sister. My sister recently had a child.)

Sister: “I just think, what if [Daughter] grows up and stops talking to me?!”

Me: “It’s… really easy to avoid. Just don’t abuse her!”

Making Chocolate Taste Bitter

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2018

(I work at a fairly popular coffee chain famous for its obnoxious, stuck-up customers at times. We just started a special on a new blended coffee drink: the [Chocolatey Drink], a super chocolatey blended drink. I am currently working alone as my coworker is on his break.)

Customer: “Do you think I would like the Double Double Fudge Bar?”

Me: “I don’t know. It really depends. If you like chocolate, you will love this drink. It comes with more chocolate than any of our other blended drinks and is supposed to taste like a chocolate fudge bar!”

Customer: “Hm… I think I might try it… Maybe.”

Me: “Well, if you don’t like it, we can always make you a different blended drink!”

Customer: “Oh, wonderful! Yes, I’ll try it, then!”

Me: “All right!”

(I make the drink and hand it off to the customer.)

Me: “So, what do you think? Do you like it?”

(The customer takes a sip.)

Customer: “Hm… No… I really just don’t like it.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Is there another blended beverage that I could make for you, instead?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I try the [Chocolatey Chip] one?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I make the chocolate chip drink and hand it off to the customer. She takes a sip.)

Customer: “You know what? I don’t really like this one, either. I’m really just not a huge fan of chocolate. I never have been. Can I try the [Chocolate Mocha] one?”

Me: *stares in disbelief* “Um… The [Chocolate Mocha] one has chocolate in it, too, so if you don’t like chocolate, I would suggest maybe the caramel or vanilla one.”

Customer: “Oh… Hm… Well, what about the chocolate banana smoothie?”

Me: “That will have chocolate in it.”

Customer: *scoffs* “I know that! Fine! I’ll just have the [Caramel Blended] one.”

(I make the caramel one and hand it off.)

Customer: “OH! This is sooooo much better! I just don’t really like chocolate all that much. I’m pretty weird, aren’t I?”  

(The customer pays and walks out, but then walks back in about a minute later.)

Customer: “Actually, can you add a little of that chocolate drizzle on top of this?”

Me: *screams internally*

Unfiltered Story #122053

, , | Unfiltered | September 22, 2018

customer: (looks at the menu) “what is that drink?”
me: “oh it is out new summer drink. it is pretty much a caramel frapp but it has a dark caramel sauce on top, caramel drizzle, crunchy caramel candy, and whipped cream”
customer: ok ill have that in a venti  but with non-fat milk. Trying watch my weight you know”
me: ….

Unfiltered Story #121040

, , | Unfiltered | September 20, 2018

(im cleaning the area where customers can add milk/cream, sugars, and flavored powered into their dirnks)
customer: “hi do you have any salt here? i need salt to eat my food”
me: “no im sorry we do not have salt here. this is a coffee shop”
customer: “are you sure? i have to have salt to eat my food”
me: “im sorry ma’am.. we do not have salt at this location”
customer: “ok”
(at this point she leaves and im still cleaning and refilling napkins and then another woman comes up. it looks like the former lady’s mother”
customer’s mom: “hi is that salt?” (points at the vanilla powder)
me: *chuckles* no that is vanilla powder. you know for flavoring coffee”
customer: “so there is no salt here?”
me: “ma’am i don’t know what to tell you. this is a coffee shop. we do not have salt here”
customer: you know what? i don’t like your attitude.”
me: *what…..*

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