I work at a very trendy coffee shop where everybody who comes in thinks that they are cooler than the last person and that they know more about coffee.

We serve a glass of bubbly water with our espresso as a palate cleanser. Granted, we get a lot of people asking what the water is for, but this customer…

Customer: *Excitedly explaining to his friend* “It’s so cool that their espresso is clear! It’s a new type of espresso!”

Related:
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 2
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Himself

A customer comes in very angry.

Customer: “You messed up my coffee when I came through the drive-thru!”

Me: “What was the issue with your drink, sir?”

Customer: “Instead of sweetener, you added sugar! I’m a diabetic! That spoonful of sugar would have killed me! I can taste the difference, you know!”

Since this is a potentially serious mistake, my manager steps in and offers him any other item on the menu for free, because he won’t accept just a redo of the coffee.

Customer: “I want a dozen donuts!”

No problem. I pack up the dozen and hand them to him. He then proceeds to eat not one, not two… but THREE sugar-glazed donuts in front of my eyeballs even though he just claimed he was severely diabetic. He then storms out and my manager turns to me.

Manager: “At least he ate and left. The worst ones don’t leave; they just keep going.”

Like a lot of colleges, mine has a few stores dotted around campus. Almost all of them have a drinks counter that serves coffee, tea, and hot chocolate. The teas are bagged and displayed in their boxes on the counter. I’m a tea fiend and really love one of the blends, so I decide to pick up a few tea bags.

Me: “Just these, please. I’m just getting the bags so I can make them later.”

The cashier freezes — like full-on brain malfunction freezes. We stand there for a few seconds, staring at each other.

Senior Worker: “Just ring it up as hot tea and give her the bags.”

The cashier unfroze and charged me appropriately.

I don’t know if it was her first day, if the register had an option for just tea bags, or if she needed the caffeine even more than I did, but I started getting my tea from a different campus store at a third of the price.

I’m a barista working in a drive-thru. A customer rolls up in a big, lifted truck.

Customer: “Hot chai and [other beverages].”

He gets to the window and snorts at me as I’m checking his order to hand out.

Customer: “What’s taking so long?!”

I go to hand him his chai, and he yells.

Customer: “Took you long enough!”

He makes an aggressive anger-snatch for the beverage. Instead of grabbing it, he just knocks it out of my grasp. It spins around in mid-air, hits his window frame, spins around, and explodes in a hot chai shower. It spills inside his window frame, on the outside of the truck, and all over the inside, too! It’s the middle of winter, so the chai on the outside instantly freezes to the side of his white truck and looks like a streak of runny poo.

He makes this satisfying “RAAWWWGGHHHHHHH!” scream. I wish I could have recorded it because I would make that sound my phone ringtone forever.

Customer: “THIS TRUCK IS BRAND NEW, AND IT SMELLS LIKE F****** CHAI!”

I did my best to feign concern as I passed him some napkins and ordered a remake. He drove off angrily with nothing, even after paying. He never came back, and I never caught wind of a complaint or anything. I still think about him and his chai-scented truck.

Related:
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 10
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 9
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 8
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 7
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 6

I work at a very popular coffee chain. One day, there are only three of us, all relatively new, when usually there would be six of us — one at each station. I’ve been here the longest. Even though my focus is the drive-thru, I am helping make four super long, complicated, customized frappuccinos. It takes maybe fifteen minutes to make all four since they are all different.

One lady comes in and yells at my coworker at the front.

Customer: “My mobile order isn’t ready! Why isn’t it ready?!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, we’re doing our best. You can wait like the other ten people here in the lobby.”

Still angry, she screams at me.

Me: “What’s your name, ma’am? And what did you order?”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! You should have had it done already!”

Me: “When did you place the order?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting at least five minutes for it! Look, the drive-thru is going so fast! You should be going that fast with mobile orders!”

Me: “Ma’am, our drive-thru is timed. We will get yelled at if we are too slow. Meanwhile, we have no idea when the mobile orders will be here. We prioritize them in order, but they come from the same sticker printer as the cafe. Your order doesn’t come in immediately. Can I have your name so I can—”

Customer: “THEY SHOULD BE DONE! I HAVE BEEN WAITING!”

I sigh and go back to handing things out the window like I’m supposed to before finishing the ridiculous fraps and putting them on the counter.

Me: “[Customer]?”

Customer: “FINALLY!”

She screamed more insults before leaving.