If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 6

, , , , | | Working | May 23, 2018

(My husband and I stop at a drive-thru coffee shop for drinks. I don’t drink coffee, but I love this shop’s chai lattes, so I ask for one.)

Husband: “Can we have a medium, decaf, chai vanilla latte and a small peppermint mocha?”

Worker: “Sure! That will be [price] at the window!”

(We pull forward, pay, get our drinks, and pull off. I take my first sip and taste nothing but coffee.)

Me: “This has coffee in it.”

Husband: “What? I’m sorry. Why would they put coffee in it?”

Me: “Maybe because you said, ‘latte’? I mean, that’s what it’s called, but maybe that confused her?”

(We drive back through and pull up to the window.)

Worker: *looking confused* “Can I help you?”

Me: “There was coffee in my chai.”

Worker: “Yeah. You asked for a decaf chai. Decaf means coffee, so I thought you wanted decaf espresso in it.”

Me: “No… I hate coffee. Chai is black tea which has caffeine, so I just wanted that decaf.”

Worker: “So… that’s just regular chai.”

Me: “Yes, but without caffeine?”

Worker: *still seeming confused* “So… just a regular chai?”

Me: *giving up* “Please just give me a vanilla chai, no coffee.”

(To her credit, she did upgrade me to a large, and there was no coffee in my second order. But how do you work at a coffee shop and not know that tea has caffeine?)

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 5
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 4
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again, Part 3

His Mind Is Already On The Island

, , , , , | | Working | May 17, 2018

(I am a shift manager and a new employee is starting today. He starts the day by wandering around the store, telling no one that he is here for training, and as such starts his shift 20 minutes late. I begin his orientation, with the basics of the store.)

Me: “So, when you brew a batch of coffee, use either one bag or two depending on—”

New Starter: “Yeah, so, do I get discounts?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, employee discounts. Well, get to them later.”

New Starter: “Oh, okay, cool, because I’m saving for the vacation to Hawaii with my friends.”

(He proceeded to tell me his itinerary, preventing me from both training him and from doing my normal job. Stellar first impression.)

His Training Is Not In Mint Condition

, , , | Working | May 5, 2018

It’s about three weeks before Christmas, and I’ve just finished a late shift at work. It’s almost midnight by the time my boyfriend and I stop by a coffee shop to get a hot drink to warm us up for the rest of the walk home.

I’m well aware that, due to competition from another branch only a few blocks away, this particular location is always understaffed at night and the employees never seem to be fully trained. However, this location is directly on our route home, so we decide to go for it.

The chain has just started serving a holiday special peppermint hot chocolate; it’s a premixed powder packet which is loaded into the machine the same way that the regular hot chocolate is, and is usually topped with whipped cream.

The poor kid at the register is completely alone in the store and obviously has only the barest grasp of what he’s doing. I admit that I’m not actually paying attention to what he’s doing, because I feel bad for him and don’t want to stress him out. I also don’t actually look what he’s charging me for, because it’s late at night and the total sounds about right. He hands me the standard coffee cup with a lid and one of those cardboard rings designed to keep you from burning your fingers. I give it a cursory taste test, and we head back out.

Halfway across the parking lot, I take another sip and realize that, while it does taste like hot chocolate and peppermint, it tastes kind of off. I take another few sips to validate the taste, and have my boyfriend taste it; he agrees that there’s something funny to it.

I pry the lid off the cup, and discover that the kid, obviously having no idea how to make the brand new limited-time promotional item, has given me a cup of regular hot chocolate and put a peppermint tea bag in it. I didn’t notice initially because he tucked the string from the bag into the cardboard sleeve on the cup.

I’m actually highly impressed by the kid’s problem-solving skills, and I actually find that I enjoy the drink this way better than I do the overly-sweet promotional item. Unfortunately, I’ve never seen him there again. I hope he got a job that actually trained him before leaving him alone.

You’re About To Go Hazel-Nuts

, , , , | Working | May 4, 2018

(Every Saturday before work, I stop by a small local coffee shop, and pick up my regular customized drink. They sell them for a reasonable price. One morning I come in and there is a new employee working behind the cash register.)

Me: “Hey can I get dark roast, hazelnut coffee, but one shot of caramel?”

New Cashier: “One caramel latte and a hazelnut latte, both with caramel?”

Me: “Nope, just one dark roast hazelnut coffee with one caramel shot.”

(I assume it is because he is new and just learning, so I remain calm.)

New Cashier: “No caramel latte with no caramel. But one dark roast caramel with the hazelnut shot?”

Me: “Almost, but it’s one dark roast hazelnut coffee with a caramel shot.”


(The barista making the coffee yells back to the new cashier.)

Barista: “You got it!”

New Cashier: “Can you please confirm you heard me right?”

Barista: “One dark roast, hazelnut coffee with one caramel shot.”

New Cashier: “Okay, perfect. One dark roast, hazelnut coffee with one caramel shot is being made.” *looks at me* “Is this correct?”

(At this point I’m almost ready to lose it and start laughing.)

Me: “Yes. I’ll pay with debit.”

New Cashier: “Cash or credit?”

Me: “Debit.”

New Cashier: “Okay, you’d like to pay for your dark roast, hazelnut coffee with one caramel shot with debit?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I looked over the barista, and we were both laughing. Unfortunately, this happened every time I went to get coffee, but it did crack me up every time, too.)

One Way To Be A Lady Killer

, , , , | Right | May 2, 2018

(I’ve just moved, and I go to the local coffee shop for the first time on a weekend morning. As I approach the door, a woman who has been sitting outside the café hops up and gets to the door at the same time I do. I don’t mind opening doors, but she gives me a look like she expects it. She heads for the register, but pauses when I stop to look over the pastries. When I head for the register, so does she. While she gives her order, I get my phone out and read the news. Then I hear:)

Woman: “Pardon me?”

(It is Miss Open The Door For Me speaking to me.)

Me: “Yes?”

Woman: “I said that I left my wallet at home and can’t pay for my drink.”

(Again, she gives the look that she expects something from me.)

Me: “Gee, that’s too bad.”

Woman: “Maybe a gentleman would buy a lady a coffee.”

Me: “Shame that there are no ladies or gentlemen here, isn’t it?”

(She turns red. I think she might be having a stroke for a second, but then she sneers.)

Woman: “You disgusting [gay slur]!”

(Then, she storms out. The baristas laugh and high-five me.)

Barista: “Man, she pulls that crap every day. You’re the first one to not buy her s***. What do you want? It’s on us.”

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