Problem Exists Between Bottle And Hand

, , | Right | February 4, 2009

(I work for a popular coffee chain that sells bottled drinks at the counter. The bottles have a tamper-evident pop-top feature. One day, a customer approached the counter after purchasing one of these drinks.)

Customer: “Hey, I just bought one of these things and when I opened it the cap popped up.”

Me: “Yes, they do–”

Customer: *interrupting* “It says ‘Do Not Drink If Button Is Up.'”

Me: “Yes, it’s a tamper-evident button to–”

Customer: *speaking very slowly* “I want you to understand what I’m saying here! I can’t drink this — it’s been tampered with!”

Me: “When you opened the container, the button popped up–”

Customer: “I’M NOT SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE!”

Me: *headdesk*

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What A Tangled Web We Weave

, , , | Right | January 15, 2009

(A customer has already ordered, picked up, and drunk most of his drink. He then walks up to the counter, very angry.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “What the f*** is this?!” *points to his cup*

Me: “It looks like the drink I made you, and you seem to have already enjoyed it.”

Customer: “No smart-a**, this!” *pours the drink onto the counter and a key bounces out* “What the f*** is going on here?!”

Me: *alarmed* “I am so sorry, sir! When I made the drink, I know there wasn’t a key in it. Let me make you a new one.”

Customer: “Yeah! You f****** better make me a new f****** drink. This is complete bull-s***! You’re lucky I don’t sue you and this coffee company!”

(I take the key and make him a new drink, and he goes and sits outside with his friends. The key isn’t mine, so I start asking coworkers and customers. No one is claiming it. The customer walks up about five minutes later, bright red and embarrassed.)

Customer: “Yeah, uh… I’m going to need my car key back so I can go home.”

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Let He Who Is Strongest Make My Latte

, | Right | December 17, 2008

(A perky old lady walks up and orders a drink. A staff member makes the drink, and I hand it to her.)

Customer: *disdainfully* “What is THIS?”

Me: “Umm… a drink?”

Customer: “‘A drink’? Don’t get smart with me! *pointing towards a staff member* “That greasy teen filled my order! I demand somebody else fill it! One who’s NOT greasy!”

(I am dumb-founded, but decide to line up all the employees in front of her for review — it was a slow day.)

Me: “Which of these do you find acceptable?”

Customer: *looks for a few minutes* “NONE! Maybe if you didn’t have so much fast food, you wouldn’t be so greasy!” *continues to “browse” through the line-up*

Coworker: *speaking up* “Hey, lady, hurry up! You ain’t picking no gladiators!”

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Make That A Triple Non-Fat Sexy Latte

, , | Right | November 3, 2008

(A woman walks into the coffee shop and orders a latte with “sexy” foam. I make what I thought was a latte with really “sexy” foam.)

Customer: “F***! This isn’t right. I want it with really sexy foam.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I make her another, with lots of really thick foam.)

Customer: “No, no! Sexy foam, really sexy foam!”

Me: “Okay, so less?”

Customer: “No, you know… sexy! Sexy foam!”

(I make her a third drink. This time less foam and more milk.)

Customer: “You don’t get it! I want sexy foam. Really sexy foam!”

Me: *giving up* “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!”


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Hoochie Grannies, Gotta Love ‘Em

, , , | Right | September 24, 2008

(A little old lady is getting coffee. She is wearing thick blue eyeshadow, pink circles of blush, and bright red lipstick.)

Me: “Here’s your coffee. That’ll be $2.75.”

Little Old Lady: *gives me a $20* “Keep the change, dear.”

Me: “That’s very generous, thank you!”

Little Old Lady: “After work, go buy yourself some makeup. Just because you work at a coffee shop doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob!”

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