Delicious, Perhaps Not So Nutritious

, | Right | April 9, 2009

(A blond freshman girl comes in with a few of her friends.)

Customer: “Oh, my gosh! You guys are out of oranges!”

Me: “Yeah, sorry. But we have apples and bananas, and orange juice.”

Customer: “No! Your guys’ apples suck! And I’m going on a HIKE; I need an orange!”

Me: “Well…”

Customer: “No, no, it’s okay. I understand.”

(She suddenly notices a display of baked goods next to her.)

Customer: “Oh, my gosh, are those chocolate cupcakes vegan?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so. I can check.”

Customer: “Well, I just want to know if it’s healthy. You know, vegan equals healthy.”

Me: “…it’s a cupcake.”

(She stared at the expression on my face for a second, and then walked out.)

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Speechless

| Right | April 8, 2009

(To start off, I’m male, as is my customer.)

Me: “Alright, one medium latte, less hot. Anything else for you today, sir?”

Customer: Don’t make it too hot! If you make it too hot, I’ll spank you, and you’re going to like it!

Me: “…”

Customer: “I’m so hungry, I going to go home and stick something in my mouth, and I don’t care what it is!”

Me: “…”

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Self Overflowing Prophecies

, | Right | March 27, 2009

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $1.84. Would you like me to leave some room for cream?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I bring her the coffee with a little bit of room at the top.)

Customer: “You didn’t fill my coffee all the way full!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I thought you wanted some room for cream.”

Customer: “I do, but I don’t want you scamming me out of any coffee! If I pay $5 for a cup of coffee, I want my money’s worth!”

Me: “But, ma’am, I can’t fill the cup all the way to the top if you want to put cream in the coffee. It will spill over.”

Customer: “I don’t care; just fill it!”

(The customer goes around the corner, out of my view to the cream and sugar counter. She comes back 45 seconds later with a large coffee stain on the front of her shirt.)

Customer: “LOOK AT ME! YOU MADE ME GET COFFEE ALL OVER MYSELF!”

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It’s Not Exactly SAT Vocabulary

, | Right | March 13, 2009

(A customer comes through the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi welcome to [Coffee Shop]! What can I get started for you today?”

Customer: “I want a mo-CHA.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “The middle one.”

Me: “Okay, did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re asking. Why are you asking me so many questions? Why can’t you just make my drink?”

Me: “I just need to know if you want it hot or iced.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between hot and iced?”

Me: “About a hundred and thirty degrees?”

Customer: “Oh… hot!”

(Of course, when she gets up to the window it turns out she wanted an iced blended mocha.)


This story is part of the Drive-Thru roundup!

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Military Intelligence, Part 3

, , , , , , | Right | February 12, 2009

(I work in an English branch of a US coffee chain. Because we’re a naval town, US navy ships always stop here and the sailors come in for ‘a taste of home’…)

Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

Sailor #1: “One of your chocolate frappuccinos.”

Me: “Okay. What size do you want?”

Sailor #1: “Erm… can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Yeah, go on then.”

Sailor #1: “Are your frappuccinos made with ice, like they are back in the States?”

Sailor #2: “Yeah! Good point, man!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they are made with ice.”

Sailor #2: “Is that British ice or do you get it, like, flown over from the States so it tastes the same?”

Me: “…”

Sailor #1: “Dude! Yeah! Is it going to taste the same as it does at home?!”

Me: “Why don’t you try it and let me know?”

Sailors #1 & #2: “Yeahhh…”

(Their ship was over for about a week and true to their word, they came back to inform me that their drinks did, in fact, taste the same as they did back home.)

 

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