Needs An Urban Remedy

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Unfortunately, I am the stupid customer in this story.)

Employee: “Hi there! What can I get for you today?”

Me: “Hi! Could I just get a toasted plain bagel with cream cheese?”

Employee: “Sure! What kind of cheese?”

Me: “…cream?”

Employee: *laughs* “I meant what kind of cream cheese would you like?”

Me: “Oh! What flavours do you have?”

Employee: “Plain, strawberry, blueberry, and herb and garlic.”

(At this point, I am tired after a day of classes and mishear the last flavour.)

Me: *stares blankly* “Urban garlic?… Is that, like, the opposite of ‘rural garlic’ or something?”

Take A Coffee, And Make It Better

| OK, USA | Awesome Workers, Musical Mayhem

(I’m a cashier for a well known coffee chain, and whenever it’s slow I like to make everyone’s cups special. A man and a woman have just entered the nearly empty cafe.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. What can I get you?”

Man: *rattles off three drink orders and two names*

Me: “All right, and the name for that last latte?”

Man: “Oh, it’s for my mom. Her name is Jude.”

Me: *adds “hey” and some music notes around the name in reference to The Beatles song “Hey Jude”*

Man: “Oh, man, she’s going to love that!”

Me: “Oh, well in that case.”

Me: *picks up the cup for the woman, Sarah, and adds “smiles” and some more music notes as a reference to the Panic! At The Disco song “Sarah Smiles”*

Woman: “Oh, my gosh; I love that song!”

Me: “I really don’t want to leave you out, sir, but I can’t think of any songs with the name “Greg” in them, sooo…”

Me: *adds brackets around the name and even more notes*

Me: “There you go. You’re an instrumental track, like from a movie!”

Man: “A cool movie?”

Me: “The coolest.”

(They left me a $5 tip for a $7 order and took pictures of the cups. It’s my favorite customer story for this job yet.)

A Calculated Attack

| USA | Bizarre

(I am working in a coffee shop, getting ready to leave. There is a girl there who is usually very quiet. She is a year older than me and it looks like she had been studying math. She is carrying a large graphing calculator on top of her binder and she is walking out the same time I am.)

Girl: *drops her graphing calculator and it hits me* “You have just been attacked by the power of math.”