(I go into work on what would have been my mother’s 60th birthday. We have a machine that makes blended coffee, and it has been broken for a few days while we wait on a repair guy to come fix it. Most customers are understanding. But this guy in the drive-through is a big exception.)

Me: “You may order whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “I’d like [breakfast sandwich] and a medium [blended drink].”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but the machine that makes those drinks for us is currently not working. Could I get you a different drink?”

(I list off the other drinks we have available.)

Customer: “Well, when I pulled up, your greeter said you had [blended beverage] for two dollars!”

Me: “Actually, sir, that price is for any of the small drinks from our cafe list. I just can’t serve you the [blended beverage] today because the machine is broken.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you! Have a nice day, b****!”

Me: *yelling* “Right back at you!”

(As he drives by my window he flips me off. I return the gesture. I then go to the store supervisor and tell her the whole exchange in case he decides to call and complain.)

Supervisor: “I know it’s a rough day for you. But when people are like that and they drive by in a huff, just give them your biggest smile and wave bye-bye.”

Me: “I did wave.”

Supervisor: “Next time do it with more than one finger.”

(I work as a barista at a well-known coffee shop in the area. We sell not only specialty drinks but merchandise, as well, which is displayed in the cafe area for customers to pick up. One day an elderly Caucasian women walks into the store and comes up to the register. She seems like a very sweet lady.)

Me: “Hey, how can I help you today?”

Elderly Customer: “I would like to get [Product], please.”

(With all the noise of the machines behind me I misheard her. I thought she wanted a cup of brewed coffee.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that roast available today. Would you like [Coffee]?”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, no. I don’t want a drink. I would like a pound of [Product].”

Me: *finally hearing what she said this time* “Oh, okay. The [Product] is behind you on the shelves.”

(The elderly woman turns around and looks at it and then stares at me for about 20 seconds. She then goes from staring at me to glaring at me.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Elderly Customer: “Well… Do you expect me to get it myself?”

Me: *a look of shock comes over my face* “Well, yes, ma’am. That is why the [Product] is displayed out in the lobby.”

(The woman furiously turns around and grabs the [Product] that she wants and slams it on the counter. By this point five people have showed up and are waiting in line.)

Me: “Would you like me to grind this [Product] for you?” *trying to keep a smile on my face*

Elderly Customer: *sarcastically* “No! I’m just going to stick the whole [Product] in my coffee maker and see what comes out! Of course I want you to grind it!” *under her breather* “Idiot.”

Me: “Now, there is no need for that, ma’am.”

(I grab the [Product] and scan it into the register and she swipes her card and takes her receipt.)

Me: “Now, what kind of filter do you use at home?”

Elderly Customer: “What? What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “Well, in order for you to make your [Product] at home and not get the grounds in your cup, it needs to be ground to a certain coarseness. What kind of coffee filter do you use?”

Elderly Customer: “Why can’t you just grind the coffee and shut up?!”

(I am now fed up with this old b****, so I get my coworker from the back, making her aware of the situation.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what kind of filter do you use? I would hate for you to take home a bad [Product].”

Elderly Customer: “Fine! I use a metal filter.”

(My coworker and I look at each other, as we have never dealt with grinding for a metal filter. Also, our [Product] grinder has settings on it, but half of them are faded beyond recognition. I try to look at them but can only make out a few.)

Coworker: “Do you know if that is similar to a coarse grind or a fine grind?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t know! It’s just a standard [Coffee Maker] metal filter.”

(Having already been fed up with this customer, I open the bag and throw the [Product] in the grinder.)

Me: “Well, we have never had to grind for that before. Do you know if it is on the coarser side?”

Elderly Customer: “Why are you asking me these stupid questions?! This is your job. You are suppose to know this! Or are you two just dumb buffoons who forgot everything that they trained you on?!”

(Now I am mad, so I set the grind to the coarsest it can be and turn it on.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, ma’am, but that is not acceptable. We are trying to help you out here.”

Elderly Customer: *shouts* “How dare you speak to me that way?! I am leaving and going to the [Competitor] coffee shop. You can forget about getting my service again!”

Coworker: *sarcastically* “Aww, you will be sorely missed! Please don’t come back!”

(The elderly lady grabs her purse and starts walking towards the door.)

Coworker: *leans over counter and shouts* “Oh, and ma’am?”

(The elderly lady turns around. I think that my coworker is going to tell her to grab the [Product] that I have just ground, but she says this instead.)

Coworker: “Please, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. I really don’t want to clean your a** print off of it.”

(Everyone in the shop, having witnessed this scene, starts to laugh. The elderly lady turns back around and slams the door.)

Me: “Okay, I can take the next guest at the register.”

Other Customer: “Hey, I am sorry you had to had to deal with that.”

Me: “Thank you.” *I turn around and grab the $15 bag of [Product] and put it on the register* “Would you like a free bag of ground coffee? That lady just left it here. I don’t think she will be coming back for it and I would hate for it to go to waste.”

(I am working alone and a family with small children walks in. The children start running around, messing with the displays and trying to go behind the counter, while both parents ignore them and order. I am trying to both control the children and take the order at the same time. I am very much an animal person, but not so much a children person.)

Father: “Children are amazing, but they do take a lot of patience, huh?”

Me: *frustrated but still smiling* “I am actually not planning on have children. My dog is my baby!”

Father: “Yes, but you have to be patient with children.”

Me: “And that’s why I love my dog!”

(He was fuming, but his wife got the hint and quickly gained control of their three young kids. Thank you, kind woman!)

Customer: “I’d like a 12-ounce, non-fat, iced, decaf latte, but I want you to put it in a larger cup.”

Me: “Why would you like it in a larger cup, ma’am?”

Customer: “When you add the ice, it takes the place of some of the milk. I want the 12-ounce, but in a bigger cup, so I don’t lose the milk.”

Me: “I can’t do that, ma’am. I’d be giving you a larger size for the same price as the smaller size if I did that.”

Customer: “No, you wouldn’t. It would be the same size, but in a larger cup, so I get the extra milk.”

Me: “That would be the same as me just giving you the larger size for less.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t just give the small latte in a larger cup!”

Me: “Because—”

Customer: “Whatever. Just do what you have to do!”

(I made and charged her for a 16-ounce iced drink.)

(This customer comes through the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Hello. I’d like an iced capp, please.”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: *raises his voice* “An iced capp.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

Customer: *practically yelling* “What’s so f****** difficult to understand? I want a f****** iced capp.”

Me: *I raise my voice a little* “Okay, sir. I understand you want an iced capp, but what size would you like?”

Customer: “Oh, uh… large.”

(When he drove up to the window, he was completely silent and said nothing to the cashier.)