Around The World In 80 Epithets

| | Right | September 4, 2008

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Well hello dearie, what kind of mild coffee do you have today?”

Me: “Our light roast today is our Guatemala.”

Customer: “Oh no. I don’t want coffee made by [racial epithet].”

Me: “Um… well, our dark roast is our Ethiopian.

Customer: “I don’t want [another racial epithet] coffee either! Can’t you get me some American coffee?

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, coffee beans don’t grow anywhere in America except Hawaii. And we don’t carry any Kona.”

Customer: “Damn [yet another racial epithet]! Don’t want any of their coffee either. I just want some good old American coffee. That’s what I got last time.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Like I said, we don’t carry any coffee grown in America. Coffee doesn’t grow in the continental United States.”

Customer: “God d*** commies!” *storms off*

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The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies

| | Right | August 29, 2008

(A customer orders an iced drink. They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)

Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”

Customer: “But I want my round lid!”

Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”

Customer: “Ooohhh…”

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Behind Every Policy Is A Stupid Customer

| | Right | August 26, 2008

Customer: “I don’t want a lid.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s company policy. I have to serve your hot beverage with a lid on.”

Customer: “This is stupid.”

Me: “We don’t want you to burn yourself–”

Customer: “Then I’ll just blame you.”

Me: “… and that would be why we have the company policy.”

 

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Smile, You’re On Candid Camera

| | Right | August 19, 2008

Customer: “What do you have to eat here?”

Me: “Whatever you see in the pastry case is to eat; we mainly serve drinks.”

Customer: “What’s that up there? ”

(He points to one of the boards behind me and I turn around to see what he’s pointing at. I hear a rustling noise; when I turn back around all the money in my tip cup is gone.)

Me: “Sir? Could you do me a favor?”

Customer: “Uh… what?”

Me: “Look up.”

Customer: *looks up*

Me: “Okay, wave!”

(I start waving at him and, completely confused, he starts to wave back.)

Me: “Sir, that’s a camera up there.”

Customer: “Uh… and?”

Me: “You better put the money back.”

Customer: “What money?”

Me: “You know very well what money. Now, put it back and leave.”

(He puts the money back and pouts the entire way out the doors.)

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That Was Random

| | Right | August 11, 2008

Me: “Good afternoon! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [frozen coffee drink], please.”

Me: “Alrighty, that’s gonna run you $3.42.”

Customer: “Alright.” *begins to dig around in her purse*

Me: “I’m going to go ahead and get this started for you.”

(As I start to make the drink, I turn to look at the woman and notice that she is slowly making her way behind the counter.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am…”

(The woman proceeds to walk behind the counter, walk to a sink, wash her hands, wipe her hands, throw the paper towel away, and then walk right back around the counter and straight out the door. As my coworkers and I attempt to figure out what just happened, we watch her walk by the drive-thru window, around the building, around the building NEXT to our store, and then back into the store. The woman then approaches the counter.)

Customer: “So, what do I owe you?”

Me: “Uh, $3.42, please.”

Customer: “Sure.”

(An incredibly awkward silence follows.)

Customer: “So, what just happened?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “What just happened?”

Me: “I’m really not sure, ma’am!”

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