Coffee Prepared For The Fashion Impaired

| Pennsylvania, USA | Right | September 26, 2011

Customer: “You put too much milk in that!”

(I put milk into the drink.)

Customer: “Dump some of that out!”

(I pour out some of the milk.)

Customer: “Now add more ice!”

(I add more ice, but the customer is clearly not satisfied.)

Customer: “You guys always mess up my drink! It’s not that hard. Just make the whole thing again. This is ridiculous.”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll remake it for you. Just a minute.”

(Instead of waiting, the customer leaves the store in a huff. Another customer leans over the counter.)

Another customer: “I would be that rude too if I was wearing a fanny pack.”

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Some Were Born To Please

| Panama City, FL, USA | Right | September 15, 2011

Customer: “I’d like the banana bread.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be $1.95.”

Customer: “You have a weird face.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t like your face! I want an apology now!”

Me: “Um…I’m sorry you don’t like my face?”

Customer: “Thank you!” *walks away*

Customer #2: “Well, I like your face.”

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A Genuine Cents Of Change

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | September 13, 2011

(At this coffee shop, do not accept $100 bills because all $20 are automatically dropped into a safe and we cannot make adequate change. It’s a particularly busy day with a rather long line, and a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I want a medium americano.” *hands me $100 bill*

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have enough change to accept that bill. Do you happen to have anything smaller?”

Customer: “No, this is all I have. I don’t have anything smaller.”

Me: “Well then, today is your lucky day. Your drink is on me today!”

(Note: I am trying to get the line moving and we’re allowed to give an arbitrary number of free drinks away a day if we think it’ll make the customer happy.)

Customer: “No, just take the money, please. I don’t want the free drink. Just get the change from the safe.”

Me: “I can’t do that, but your free drink will be up on the counter quickly.”

Customer: “I don’t want the free drink!” *storms out without drink*

(My manager, who had been eavesdropping on the entire exchange, approaches me after the customer leaves.)

Manager: “Well, that bill was obviously counterfeit. Good for you for not accepting it!”

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Schrödinger’s Whipped Cream

| Scranton, PA, USA | Right | August 16, 2011

(This customer orders a hot drink, which is served in a regular paper cup. You can’t see the drink through it.)

Customer: “I asked for whipped cream on my drink.”

Me: “I know. I made sure there was whipped cream.”

Customer: “But, I can’t see it.”

Me: “Well, that’s because it’s inside the cup.”

Customer: “Oh…”

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Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Right | August 8, 2011

(I’m making a marshmallow latte at the pick-up end of the counter. The customer watches me as I make the drink.)

Customer: “Is this my mocha?”

Me: “It’s your drink, but it’s not a mocha. A mocha is a latte with chocolate. This is a latte with caramel and marshmallow. I can add chocolate if you’d like.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want chocolate. I just want my mocha!”

Me: “I can’t give you a mocha without chocolate. I think you mean latte. This is a latte.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want a latte! I want a mocha! You understand?”

Me: “Would you like me to make you a mocha instead of this, then?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t want a latte, and I don’t want chocolate. I just want espresso with steamed milk, caramel, and marshmallow. Just like I ordered!”

(By this point, the drink has been done for a while, exactly as described.)

Me: *staring at drink for a second* “Here’s your mocha.”

Customer: “Finally! Thank you!”

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