(I work at a little coffee shop and have lots of regulars that all staff are on a first-name basis with. In early December, half an hour before closing — the shop goes dead after about 3:00 usually — a couple walks in and orders their drinks. I’m sent off to serve their drinks: a tea and a coffee; the coffee is without sugar. The policy for the shop is two sugar sticks per drink unless they ask for more. So, I give them their drinks, when…)

Male Customer: “We’re going to need more than that.”

Me: *confused* “Of what, sir?”

Male Customer: *aggressively points at sugar sticks* “More sugar! Lots more!”

(I go to get more sugar, bearing in mind most customers who want more sugar only want one or two more, but I take four more, just in case. I hand them the sugar and…)

Me: “Here you go, sir!”

Male Customer: “No! No! No! We’re going to need at least double this!”

(Bear in mind they’ve had six sugars for this tea so far. After coming back with six more sugars:)

Me: “Terribly sorry, sir.”

Male Customer: “Yes, well, I did say a lot.”

(After they left, I was clearing the pots and the sugar residue left in the teacup was sludgy thick. If ever diabetes looked like a drink, I’m sure it was that tea.)

(I am in a “Social Cafe,” a cafe that hires people with disabilities. They are full-fledged employees, but they do get guidance. All employees at this location have mental disabilities, like learning issues. The cafe also has an open kitchen. For the record, it’s a great cafe and the food is delicious.)

Chef: “[Employee], can you put these pickles into the salad?”

Employee: “Yes, Chef!” *pause* “Do I need to drain the pickles first?”

Chef: “Yes, please drain them.”

(The employee gets a sieve and opens the jar. He then empties the jar into the sieve… above the salad bowl! Afterward, he tosses the pickles into the salad, as well. The employee then stops.)

Employee: “Chef, what if some of the water got into the salad?”

Chef: “Don’t worry about that; it’ll be fine! How about you toss in a second jar and I’ll taste it?”

Employee: “Yes, chef!”

(I stayed away from the salad.)

Related:
Putting Themselves Into A Bit Of A Pickle

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(I work at an espresso stand. I am a Latino that looks extremely Caucasian as I got most of my looks from my mother’s side of the family rather than my father’s Mexican side. A customer drives up to our stand and orders a coffee. After I hand him his drink, he hands me a business card.)

Customer: “This is the stand that I own in [Nearby City].”

Me: “Oh, how’s it do? You’ve got a lot of competition here.”

Customer: *laughs* “We make money hand over fist.”

Me: “Awesome. I’ve thought of trying my hand opening my own stand in another state where they don’t have as many. Colorado seems like it might be the place to try it out.”

Customer: “Colorado is full of Mexicans. Mexicans don’t drink coffee!” *laughs* “They can pick it fine, but they don’t drink it.”

Me: *long pause* “Have a nice day, sir.”

(I am making drinks and handing them out at a popular coffee shop. I am working on a cappuccino with extra foam when my coworker comes up beside me. Steaming milk to create extra foam is a little tricky at first, but she tells me that I made it perfectly.)

Me: “I have a small cappuccino with extra foam!”

Customer: “NO! This is all wrong! I wanted a dry cappuccino! Not extra foam!”

Me: “Oh… Well, as it turns out, ‘dry’ actually means, ‘extra foam,’ so…”

Customer: “Ugh! Everyone who works here is so stupid! I’m in a hurry, so I guess I’ll take this.”

(The customer picks up the cup.)

Customer: “This cup doesn’t feel right. There’s not enough foam!”

Me: “I’m sorry, you wanted extra foam right? I literally filled the cup with foam… Would you like me to remake it for you?”

Customer: “No! But I’m never coming here again!”

(She’s a regular and comes in every day.)

(The city I work in has a big race every year, and the street that my cafe is on is closed for the race. As a result, the shop is very slow; the only people in the shop are me — a shift lead — and a cashier who has just moved here. This city is also well-known for its pretentious, entitled yuppies. The shop has two doors, and the back door is near a gap in the counter for the employees to go in and out. The area can be kind of confusing, and customers frequently start turning too early and accidentally end up behind the counter. Every other time this happens, the customer quickly realizes it and goes around to the correct side of the counter. The day of the race, a woman who has just finished running comes in the back door, turns the corner, and ends up behind the counter. She realizes her mistake, pauses, decides she doesn’t care, and comes further back to put her banana peel in the trash, putting her right behind our register. She stays behind the register, peel in hand, to have the following argument:)

Me: “Ma’am, this is an employee-only area.”

Customer: “I’m just throwing out my peel.”

Me: “I understand, but you can’t be back here. There is a trash can on the other side of the counter, right over there.”

Customer: “I told you, I’m just throwing out my peel!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re standing behind our cash register. I can’t allow anyone who is not an employee to be back here.”

Customer: “Are you saying I’m trying to steal from you? I have plenty of money! I don’t need to steal from a stupid little coffee shop!”

Me: “Ma’am, our insurance doesn’t allow us to have anyone who is not an employee behind the counter. If you would please move into the customer’s area, I would be happy to get a drink started for you.”

Customer: “You can’t accuse me of stealing! I have more money than you would know what to do with! I’m just throwing out my banana peel! You can’t treat me like this!” *storms out*

Cashier: “Did that really just happen?”