No More Grand Grande Requests

| Wheat Ridge, CO, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(I go to my local Starbucks, and step in line behind three high school students:)

Student #1: “I’d like a grande carmel brûlée latte with a double pump of carmel and extra whipped cream.”

Student #2: “I’ll have a venti iced pumpkin spice latte with three shots, extra whipped cream. Don’t put too much ice in, please.”

Student #3: “I’ll take a grande caramel brûlée frappuccino blended coffee with extra caramel and extra whipped cream.”

(Throughout this transaction the barista is polite and efficient. I approach the counter and order my usual.)

Me: “Grande latte, please.”

(The barista looked up and mouthed the words “thank you” before completing my order. Made my day!)

Vis A Visa

| Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am the tired and barely attentive customer in this story.)

Employee: “How can I help you today?”

(I proceed to order my coffee.)

Employee: “And what name should I put on the cup?”

Me: “Oh. Uh, Visa.”

(The employee dutifully writes Visa on the cup without another question.)

Employee: “And how will you be paying today?”

Me: “Oh… Yeah… Visa.”

(Apparently I needed that coffee more badly than I realized.)

Not Quite The Cream Of The Crop

| Hillsboro, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m in line when I hear the drive-thru employees talking about a customer in the drive-thru. She wanted iced coffee, but she wanted it to not be brown.)

Employee #1: “So she doesn’t want coffee?”

Employee #2: “No, she wants coffee, just doesn’t want it to be brown.”

Employee #1: “So more cream?”

Employee #2: “No… she wants light cream, just… doesn’t want it to be brown.”

Failed The Name Game

| TAS, Australia | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(The coffee shop I work in has loyalty cards that we can scan, which will come up with the customer’s name on the screen. On this particular day, an elderly man in his mid-60s comes in to buy a coffee and then gives me his loyalty card to scan. After I’ve scanned it, I look at the name on the screen…)

Me: “Sir, are you sure this is your card?”

Customer: “Absolutely, why?”

Me: “Well, you just don’t look like a Penelope to me.”

Bitter About The Caramel

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work for a well-known coffee chain, and we have our fair share of crazy customers. One morning, a customer storms up to the counter where a relatively new coworker is running the register.)

Customer: “This is wrong! Remake this immediately!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that. Can you help me understand what you did want? I see here that we made you a white mocha with caramel.”

Customer: “I came through the drive through and I said I wanted caramel! You didn’t give me f****** caramel!”

Coworker: “I can fix that for you. Would you prefer caramel drizzle or the syrup?”

Customer: “I want caramel!” *she then thrusts the cup at my coworker, sending it skidding across the counter top* “There’s no caramel in my cup!”

Coworker: *opens the cup* “Oh, they put drizzle on here, instead of the syrup. I got you. Just a moment.”

Customer: “If you weren’t so f****** stupid and could do your f****** job right the first f****** time, I wouldn’t have to come back for such a stupid f****** reason!”

(At this point, I’m about to step in despite being tied up at the window, but my coworker bursts into tears and starts sniffling.)

Coworker: “I am genuinely sorry about this. Please, let me fix this for you. It won’t take but a minute—” *she goes to remake the drink, with the customer oddly quiet and hovering at the hand off* “—Here, please, taste this. I want you to be happy with your beverage.”

Customer: *takes the drink, takes a sip, shoves something into my coworker’s hand, and all but runs out the door*

Me: “Are you okay?”

Coworker: *turns to me, her eyes super red, sniffs once, and wrinkles her nose* “My allergies are wreaking havoc on my sinuses and eyes. Can I go take some medicine?”

Me: “You’re sure you’re fine?”

Coworker: *straight out grins* “Absolutely. I got us a five dollar tip! AND I gave her decaf!”

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