Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 4

| CT, USA | Food & Drink, Money

(A woman approaches my counter one evening, clearly unwashed and very angry.)

Customer: “Yeah, how much is a large coffee?”

Me: “$2.25.”

Customer: “And a small?”

Me: “$1.75”

Customer: “Okay, well, I have one of those coupons for a free one.”

Me: “Is it the customer redemption or the buy-six-get-the-seventh?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Is it the long red one that says ‘sorry,’ or was it part of your receipt?”

Customer: “Oh, the receipt kind.”

(I fill her order for a large coffee as a line starts to form.)

Me: “Okay, that’s going to be $2.25.”

Customer: “I thought it was free. I can’t afford that.”

Me: “It’s free with your coupon.”

Customer: “I don’t have it on me.”

Me: “Then I can’t redeem it. I have to have a coupon to put in my register. If it’s not there when they count it, I’ll be short and I could lose my job.”

Customer: *very irate* “I’m [Coworker]’s friend. I know [Coworker’s Other Friend]. I come here all the time. Just give me my drink.”

(I assume my coworker has done this for her in the past, but I’m not about to put my job on the line for anyone, especially a stranger.)

Me: “I can’t do that. I have to have it in my register. I can’t redeem a coupon unless it’s physically here. Without it, the store will think I’m stealing.”

(She huffs off, and I work through the line, thinking it’s over. I’m midway through, taking another order, when she comes back. She shouts from the far end of the counter, rudely interrupting another customer.)

Customer: “How much for a shot of espresso?”

Me: “$1.75, same as a small coffee.”

(Again, she leaves, and once again I think it’s over. There’s a lull after the line, and she’s back, again, angrier than ever.)

Customer: “Give me two shots.”

Me: “Okay, that’s $2.10.”

Customer: “You said $1.75!”

Me: “That’s for one shot, not two.”

Customer: “Can’t you just give it to me? This is a bunch of bull-s***.”

Me: “I could get fired for that. I’m not losing my job over a shot of espresso. Now, would you like one shot, or two?”

Customer: “Just give me two.”

(She then throws a huge handful of coins onto my counter and storms off to the other end of the bar. I go to cash her out, and she’s short, by about fifty cents. I quietly take the rest out of my tip cup because I just want her gone.)

Customer: “I’m telling [Coworker] how f****** rude you are. I don’t see why you couldn’t just give me my f****** coffee. I lost the d*** coupon. I had to dig around in my car for the f****** change.”

Me: “If $1.75 is outside of your budget, maybe you shouldn’t shop here.”

(I asked my coworker about her the next time I saw him. Apparently, he knew her, but hadn’t talked to her in years; since she was in prison.)

Coworker: “’I come here all the time,’ my a**!”

Related:
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 3
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2
Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

A Regular A**-Hole

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a popular international coffee chain. We often get confusing drink orders from customers, but this exchange takes the cake!)

Customer: “Can I get a [Popular Hot Drink] with regular milk?”

Me: “Did you want skim, 2%, or whole?”

Customer: “I want regular milk.”

Me: “Right, but what do you consider ‘regular’? We have three types: Skim, 2%, or, whole?”

Customer: *clearly getting agitated* “REGULAR. MILK.”

Me: “Right, so 2%? Whole?”

Customer: “I JUST WANT SOME GOD-D*** REGULAR MILK! IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!”

Me: *quickly writes 2% on the cup and passes it down*

Me: *over the headset after the customer walks away* “What is regular milk?”

Coworker #1: “I always drink 2%.”

Coworker #2: “I would have said whole.”

Coworker #3: “I’m tempted to make his drink with water to be honest.”

Manager: “He wants you to get the cow and squirt the milk directly into his drink. Obviously.”

(The customer continued to make comments about our incompetence under his breath while his coffee was being made, but didn’t seem to care that I had written “2%” on his cup instead of “regular.”)

Requires A Fresh Understanding Of Pantries

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We’re a competitor to a very popular coffee and donut shop, but we also serve bagels. Our popular competitor places their bagels and donuts side by side. We just have a sign listing our bagels, but keep them behind the counter. This was an everyday occurrence.)

Customer: *looks at donut rack* “Oh, it looks like you don’t have any bagels. Oh, well!”

Me: “Actually, we do have bagels. Everything that’s on that list.”

Customer: “Oh… where do you keep them?”

Me: “In the deli, stored in a pantry.”

Customer: “But… how do they stay fresh when they’re not on the shelf, in the open?”

Me: “…”

(Everyday occurrence…)

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 23

| OH, USA | Crazy Requests

(I’ve just gotten off work. I head over to the mall to shop a bit before going home. I go to a national coffee chain and order a drink. While waiting for it, someone walks up to me. Note: I’m still in my uniform, which is red, and my name tag, with the logo of the company I work for.)

Customer: “Excuse me, shouldn’t you be making drinks?! It’s busy!”

Me: “Uhm… excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me! Get off your lazy a** and go back behind the counter!”

Me: “I… ma’am, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Oh, now you’re making s*** up! Get your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, I work at [Store].”

Customer: “No, you work here!”

(One of the actual employees hears her yelling and comes over.)

Employee: “Ma’am, she doesn’t work here. If she did, she’d be wearing a shirt like mine. And her name tag would say [Store], not [Name].”

Customer: “Well!” *takes her drink and storms off*

(The employee and I look at each other.)

Employee: “So… extra shot of espresso?”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 22
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 21
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 20

Espresso: Katy Perry Edition

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(The beverage menu for the coffeehouse is extensive, about 75 pages. I’m taking an order from a trio of young looking kids.)

Me: “And for you, sir?”

Customer #1: “I’d like an iced espresso.”

Me: “Well, that’s not really an item. Is there anything else I could get you?”

Customer #1: “No, I want an iced espresso.”

Me: “We have lots of iced drinks and hot drinks, or if there was a specific way you wanted it prepared maybe that would help me serve you?”

Customer #1: “I don’t see why I can’t get an iced espresso.”

Me: *starting to lose my cool* “Well, I can bring you espresso and ice, but what you’re asking me to do is impossible.”

Customer #1: “What? How do you mean?”

Me: “You’re asking for both the hottest and coldest items on the menu. If I put ice in espresso, it’s going to melt and make you an Americano, which you said you don’t want. So because I cannot bend the laws of physics, I’m not going to bring you something you don’t want and set myself up for failure.”

Customer #1: *to [Customer #2]* “This is ridiculous.”

Customer #2: *gives me a sympathetic look, then urges [Customer #1] to order something else*

Me: *totally done with this as everyone else ordered and have told Customer #1 to stop being difficult* “I can bring you an actual Americano, or I could try bringing you ice and espresso so you can see for yourself, but I’m not bringing you an espresso with melting ice in it so you can tell me I’m wrong.”

(The customer ended up getting something COMPLETELY different, which made me wonder if he was “testing” me.)

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