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You Can’t Just Squirt That Kind Of Thing Out

| Canada | Bizarre, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m making drinks on a typical weekend. The customers waiting for drinks are a pair of fifty-year-old golf buddies just chatting.)

Me: “Your mocha will be ready in just a moment here.”

Customer: “Yah, sure.”

(Having run out of whip cream, a pull a fresh container from my fridge and give it a shake. Typically new containers have some water running down the sides from condensation and this flies off when I shake it. Neither customers nor colleagues tend usually notice.)

Customer #1: *watches this* “Oh, so you’re a squirter?”

Me: *look up with very wide eyes, mid-drink* “Um, pardon me?”

Customer #2: “You can’t say stuff like that!”

Customer #1: “Oh.” *picks up drink and walks off without apology*

Me: *stunned silence*

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Registering The Awesome Customers

| Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m a barista in a well-known coffee franchise inside a large retail store. Our register is broken so we’ve been taking orders and sending customers over to the food window to pay for their drinks. It’s been nearly a week since our register broke and tech support is fuzzy on when they’ll be in to fix it. Our regulars have been understanding.)

Me: “Here’s your order slip. If you’ll step next door, they’ll ring you up while I get your drink ready.”

20ish Girl: “You STILL haven’t fixed your register? Omigod! How LONG is it going to BE like this? Every time I’ve come in it’s broken!”

30ish Lady: *behind her* “Why yell at her? You think she’s gonna whip out an MIT degree and fix this? If it’s ‘broken every time’ you’ve come, why do you keep coming? It’s JUST a drink. Get OVER it, Buttercup!”

(The 20-something stalked out angrily as the rest of the line began laughing. The 30-something lady steps up to order.)

Me: “You are SO not paying for your drink today.”

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Sorry Not Sorry

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

Customer: “Can I use your phone?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s company policy. We’re not allowed to let customers use the phone.”

Customer: “Come on… I got a fifty cent tip in it for you!”

Me: “I’m not allowed to do that; I’m really sorry, sir.”

Customer: “NO, YOU’RE NOT!”

(The customer leaves.)

Me: “Huh, he’s right. I’m suddenly not sorry anymore.”

(The guy then sat in the cold for about an hour, giving us a death stare, waiting for a cab. Sometimes we let customers use our cellphones because of the phone policy… not this guy!)

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Coffree

| USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The coffee bar I work for has the pots near the door, but the cups are back by the register.)

Customer: “Hey, look, this coffee is free.” *sees me behind register* “Is the coffee free?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “So, I have to pay for it?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I can’t just take a cup without you knowing?”

Me: “No…”

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Black Friday Is A Completely Different Horror Story

| CA, USA | Holidays

(I am working on Halloween which happens to be on a Friday this year.)

Me: “Here you go, sir! Any exciting plans for Halloween?”

Customer: “Well, the family is going to several parties tonight so I need my coffee so I can stay up late.”

Me: “At least Halloween is on a Friday this year; that means everyone can crash tomorrow!”

Customer: “But what happens to Black Friday when Halloween is on a Friday?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I haven’t seen any advertisements for Black Friday this year! It’s like they forgot all about it because Halloween is on a Friday!”

Me: “Black Friday is on the Friday after Thanksgiving… not Halloween.”

Customer: “So it’s not after Halloween?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: “Oh, okay, have a nice day!”

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