The Dumbest Animals In The Park Are…

, , , , , , | Right | September 5, 2019

(I work in a coffee shop in a Wyoming town that gets a lot of tourists in the summer since we are so close to a national park. I am asked or overhear this question, or something pretty close to it, at least once a summer.)

Tourist: “We’ll be visiting the park. What time in the morning do they let the animals out?”

Me: “Umm… They’re always out. It’s not a zoo; they’re wild animals. That’s their home.”

Tourist: “Is that… safe?”

Me: “Just don’t, you know, go up and pet a bear or a bison and you’ll be fine.”

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Should Have Checked What They Were Trying To Tell You

, , , , , | Right | July 30, 2018

(I work at a national, well-known bank in a small town. For cashier’s checks, we normally charge $10 unless a customer is in a special type account. Normally, if I see that they can get the checks for free, I try to convert their accounts first and then make their check.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Bank]. What may I help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to pull out $1,000 in cash and make a cashier’s check for $4,000.”

Me: “Great! I’d be happy to assist. Who are we making the check out to?”

Customer: “To myself; I’m moving money around.”

(I look up the customer with his ID, and begin to tell him about how with his account, the check would cost $10.)

Me: “Mr. [Customer], the check would cost $10. However, because you have such outstanding balances with us, I can see about converting your account name so you won’t have to pay for them. How does that sound?”

Customer: *obviously annoyed* “That’s ridiculous! I have been banking with you for longer than you’ve been alive! I shouldn’t have to pay for making a d*** check! With my own money!”

Me: “Sir, that’s why I suggested we change your account name. No numbers or routing numbers change, just the account title. I want you to get your checks for free.”

(The customer is still ranting about how the bank is just out to get people’s money and that we have no appreciation for local business.)

Customer: “I’m just going to move all my accounts to [Other Local Bank], since you people don’t value my time or my money!”

Me: “Okay! Have a great afternoon!”

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“Cut-Out” The Dressing Part

, , , , | Right | December 4, 2017

(My husband and I own one of those photography studios where people dress up in “wild west” costumes and get a sepia-toned picture taken. We have examples of the pictures all over the walls, so people can get ideas as to how they want to dress. One day an older couple walks in.)

Customer: “How long does it take to get a photo done?”

Me: “For two people? I can have you in and out with your print in about fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “Just fifteen minutes? We have a trolley to catch.”

Me: “You mean the city trolley that leaves at [time]? This only takes fifteen minutes, so you’ll be out in time to catch your trolley, no problem.”

Customer: “Oh, good! How do we start?”

Me: “You just have to decide how you want to dress!”

Customer: *just now noticing the wall covered in photos* “You mean we dress up?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “We don’t just put our head in a cut-out?”

Me: *a little taken aback, as older customers usually know exactly what this kind of thing is* “…yes.”

Customer: “Oh, we don’t have time for that.”

Me: “But it only would take fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “I’m sorry; we just don’t have time. Bye!”

(Apparently not all “fifteen minutes” are created equal.)

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