Reached Your Tea Total, Part 5

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | January 23, 2017

(I work at a club that serves complimentary tea, coffee, soft drinks etc. to poker machine players. I get a call and head to the machine where a lady wants to order something.)

Me: “Hi, how’s it going today?”

Patron: “Tea, please.”

Me: “Absolutely. What sort of tea are you after?”

Patron: “Uh, tea? You know… put the bag in the cup with boiling water. I can’t believe you don’t know what tea is.”

Me: “Yes, I do know what tea is. What I meant was do you want a black tea or white? Are you after sugar? Earl grey, English breakfast, decaf, peppermint, green, ginseng currant and lime, chai?”

Patron: “It’s all tea. Put the bag in the water. How is this so hard?”

Me: “No worries miss, I’ll be back in a second.”

(I go to the kitchen, close my eyes, grab any teabag, and put it in. Go back; she looks at it.)

Patron: “I asked for milk and two sugars.”

Me: “Of course you did. I’m sooo sorry about that. I’ll be right back.”

(Returns with correct tea.)

Patron: “Thank you sooo much.” *sarcastically*

Related:
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 4
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 3
Reached Your Tea Total, Part 2

Graduated From Singleton College

| Menominee, MI, USA | Related | October 24, 2016

(All through college my grandma told me that I couldn’t get married until after I graduated from college. Shortly after my graduation she took me to one of her club meetings.)

Grandma: “This is my granddaughter, [My Name]. I always told her not to even think about getting married until after she finished her education.”

Me: “Yes, she did.”

Grandma: “She just graduated from college.”

(The ladies applaud and grandma turns to me.)

Grandma: “Start thinking!”

Caught On A Hot Tan Roof

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | September 10, 2012

(My friend and I are waiting in line at a night club. A guy in front us presents his ID, but the bouncer isn’t buying it.)

Bouncer: “You can’t use this. It’s not a valid piece of ID.”

Guy: “Why not? It has my information on it.”

Bouncer: “First of all, it’s not government-issued. It looks like an employee ID. Second, do you seriously expect me to believe that this WHITE guy is you?”

(The photo on the ID clearly doesn’t match the guy, who is of Southeast Asian descent and is darker than the person in the photo.)

Guy: “Uhh… I’m a roofer. You gotta believe me, man! That’s me in the photo.”

Bouncer: “It’s almost October and we’re in Canada. That’s one h*** of a roofer’s tan you got there!”

Guy: “****!” *leaves the club*

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A Boys’ Night (Not) Out

| Alabama, USA | Right | September 15, 2011

(I’m walking into a gay club opening in the city. I hear this exchange between a bouncer and an obviously straight guy standing outside.)

Guy: “So, what kind of club is this, man?”

Bouncer: “Um, you into chicks?”

Guy: “Huh?”

Bouncer: “Are you into women?”

Guy: “Yeah, man. Yeah.”

Bouncer: “This is not the place for you, then.”

Guy: “Oh…OH!” *runs into parking lot*

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