Oooh, A Different Top

, , , | Right | March 15, 2008

(The company was running a coupon special for 20% off one item ONE COUPON PER PERSON. This one heavily made-up woman caused problems at every coupon sale I ever worked there and this time was no different. She made one purchase and then this happened.)

Woman: “How many of these can I use?”

Me: “It’s one per person, so no more today, but there is another coupon for tomorrow so you can come back and use one then.”

Woman: “What if I send my husband in? Can he use one?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. He is a different person so that’s fine.”

Woman: “Well, how many can he use?”

Me: “One. It’s one per person.”

Woman: “What if I buy something else?”

Me: “Well you can buy whatever you want, but you can’t use another coupon. It’s one person for the whole day, not one per transaction.”

Woman: “What if I leave and come back in?”

Me: “You’re still the same person.”

Woman: “What do you mean? I’ll have left and come back.”

Me: “Well our doors are not equipped to change your genetic make-up upon entry, so you would still be the same person.”

(The woman stormed off, then returned 20 minutes later wearing a different top. For some reason, she decided to come through my lane again. I refused to let her use it, so she screamed at me and my manager. Eventually, she just wadded up the coupon, hit my manager in the face with it, and ran off cursing…only to return the next morning and repeat the scenario.)


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A Bad Day To Be A Pair Of Jeans

, , , | Right | March 14, 2008

(It is about five minutes to closing on a Saturday night and we have maybe five or six employees working, all female. A new bar has just opened next door, and a drunk man wanders in.)

Drunk Man: “I need to buy some matches.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir. We don’t sell matches, only clothes.”

Drunk Man: “Well, then sell me a lighter. I need a cigarette.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell lighters or matches, just clothes.”

Drunk Man: “D*** it, just give me one.”

Me: “I don’t have one, sir, or trust me, I would.”

Drunk Man: “You lying b****! Give me a f****** match you b****!”

Me: “Sir, you need to leave, or I’m calling the police. We don’t have lighters or matches. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”

Drunk Man: “I’ll get it myself!”

(He storms off toward the men’s department. I call my coworker in that department, then call the manager to give them a heads up. A few minutes later, the man goes running out, empty-handed, and my coworker is racing after him. She grabs my phone and starts screaming over the intercom for our manager. I asked her what happened.)

Coworker: “He pissed all over the Levis!”

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The Great Doll Heist of ’08

, , | Right | February 29, 2008

(I was working in the back, getting things ready for the next floor set, and I had to pull some mannequins from the floor and dress them. I was dragging one of the full-body forms towards the back, when a customer approached me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

(Note that I’m wearing the uniform and I still have a headset in my ear.)

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m stealing this mannequin.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. thanks.”

(She turns around to find someone else to help her.)

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Speaking Stupidese

, , | Right | January 13, 2008

(A customer comes in and goes to a display rack of boots.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Where are the boxes with all the shoes in them?”

Me: “…”

Her Friend: “She means, do you have these boots in a size 8…”

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Math Is Your Friend

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2008

(Customer approaches cash desk with two t-shirts with a price tag of $14.99 each. I scan the t-shirts.)

Me: “Oh, they scan at $7.99 each.”

Customer: “The sign on the table where I found them says that they’re 2 for $20.00.”

Me: “I know, but they scan at $7.99.”

Customer: “…but the sign says 2 for $20.00.”

Me: “I know, but head office must have changed the sale and updated the computer before we had a chance to change the sign. So you can buy the shirts for $7.99 each.”

Customer: “I don’t care what price comes up in the computer. The sign says 2 for $20.00 so you have to sell them to me at that price!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I override the $7.99 price in the computer and change it to $10.00. The customer pays two dollars more per shirt than he has to and smugly goes on his way.)

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