(I’m a manager for a national clothing retailer outside of Boston and our store is running a promotion where customers can get coupons via text message.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, how do I get a coupon?”

Me: “You send a text message to this number **** and we will send you the coupon back.”

Customer: “So, do I need a cell phone in order to receive text message coupons from you?”

(Skipping a beat to see if she is serious.)

Me: “Yes. Yes, you do need a cell phone to receive text messages.”

Customer: *looking confused* “Oh.” *she walks away*

(I am the bad worker here. I was recently hired for a shop that both rents out and sells tuxedos for formal occasions. My boss tells me to measure customers first so as to get a good fit, and she demonstrates how to do it on me. It seems very easy, so when a male customer comes in, I’m pretty confident.)

Customer: “I need a tux for a wedding.”

Me: “You’ve come to the right place! Let’s measure you up to get your size.”

(I do his arms, legs and waist, but when I do his neck, I have a problem. He’s a very tall guy, and I feel awkward asking him to bend down. My boss is busy doing something else, so I throw the tape around his shoulders and catch it around after a few tries.)

Me: *read amount* “11 inches. Okay, let me get one for your consideration…”

(As I leave, I yank sharply on the tape to coil it up, and it gets caught on his neck! In my panic, I pull again, basically strangling him with the tape! He chokes and wobbles, trying to get his balance.)

Me: “Um, sorry about that… So, I’ll get your tux…”

(Luckily the boss came in and assisted him. I slunk away. That was my one and only time working there. I was too embarrassed to go back.)

(The store is featuring a huge sale on clearance. For example, items marked down to $19 from an original price of $50+ are ringing up for $8.99. A customer comes up with two items that ring up $4.99 each, at least an 80% markdown from the original price.)

Customer: “Can I use this $10 off coupon I got on my phone?”

Me: “I’m so sorry. That coupon can only be used on regularly priced items. And it specifies that it’s $10 off $50 in purchases.”

Customer: “Well, how can I get another discount, then? Do you have any coupons I can use to bring down the price?”

Me: *after blinking out of sheer shock* “I… I guess you could steal it?”

(Thankfully, my manager heard my reply and started cracking up.)

(I work in alterations at a bridal salon. A teen girl is with her parents buying a dress for Homecoming Court which is in about two weeks. Since this is pushing the normal timeframe for alterations, the consultant has grabbed me to look at the dress and let the customer know if we can do the very minor alterations in time. After I say we can, I have the following exchange with the girl’s father.)

Customer: “So are the alterations included in the price of the dress?”

Me: “No, but taking up the shoulders on this dress will only be about $23.”

Customer: “So, will you guys discount the dress to offset the cost of the alterations?”

Me: “…No.”

(I’m trying on business suits in a fancy store. Size 46, the biggest size on display, turns out to be a bit too small.)

Me: “Excuse me; do you have this suit in a size 48?”

Saleswoman: “I’m afraid not. We only get one of each item in that size, and they get sold right away.”

Me: “May I suggest that you ask corporate for more size 48 clothes, then?”

Saleswoman: “Oh, no, we couldn’t do that. Nobody wants to buy such big clothes!”