Gastronomically Priced Apparel

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2009

(While working at a well-known clothing store, a customer walks up to my cash register empty handed.)

Me: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “I’ve been in here for fifteen minutes and nobody gave me a table yet.”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’ve been here for fifteen minutes and nobody sat me down.”

Me: “We have a couch over by the fitting rooms if you’d like to have a seat.”

Customer: “You don’t have any tables? What about booths?”

Me: “Um…we don’t have anything like that here.”

Customer: “Is this a new type of restaurant or something?”

Me: “No, this is a clothing store; we sell clothes. That’s why we have lots of clothing here and no kitchen.”

Customer: “Oh… why didn’t anybody tell me?”

Me: “Did you ask someone?”

Customer: “No!” *storms out of the store*

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Can’t Take A Hint (Or A Leak)

, , | Right | October 5, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, the bathroom door is locked and I can’t get it open. Do you have the key?”

Me: “No, ma’am. If the door is locked, that means someone is using it.”

Customer: “Is there a way to make sure?”

Me: “Did you knock?”

Customer: “Yeah, and whoever is in there keeps yelling at me that they’ll be right out!”

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A Question With No Good Manswers

, , , | Right | October 1, 2009

(I’m handing out fliers outside a women’s clothing store. A man walks up to me.)

Customer: “Hello! How are you today?”

Me: “I’m fine, thanks. Would you like a coupon to get 30 percent off all merchandise in the store?”

Customer: “Do you sell sweaters here?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Are you looking for a gift for someone?”

Customer: “No. I’m done with my Christmas shopping.”

Me: “Well, the coupon’s good until Boxing Day.”

Customer: “What sizes do you have?”

Me: “Extra small to extra large.”

Customer: “What size am I?”

Me: “Umm, I’m not sure sir. I’m not really good at guessing sizes.”

Customer: “Well, if I were to try something on, what size should I try?”

Me: “Well, this is a women’s clothing store. I’m not sure that you would fit the sizes here.”

Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!”

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Equivalence, Meet Ignorance

, , , | Right | September 23, 2009

Customer: “I’m looking for an outfit for a one-year-old girl.”

Me: “Sure, all of the twelve-month clothing is in this section.”

Customer: “No, she’s one.”

Me: “Right, so that would be over here.”

Customer: “You just said that was twelve months!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *slowly* “I’m looking for ONE YEAR.”

Me: “Would you like to go up one size to 18 months?”

Customer: “Is there someone else who can help me?”

(I go and get my manager.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your employee doesn’t understand English. I’m looking for clothing for my one-year-old granddaughter.”

Manager: “The twelve-month clothes are over here.”

Customer: “What is WRONG with you people?”

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As Normal As A Nude Nymph With No Nails

, , | Right | September 9, 2009

(Working near the fitting rooms, my coworker hears a customer ask for help from inside one of the stalls.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I need some help.”

Coworker: “All right–”

(My coworker turns around and notices the customer standing outside of the stall completely nude except for the bra she was trying on.)

Customer: “How does this look on me? I’m not sure if this works for me.”

Coworker: “Um… why did you happen to take off your clothes?”

Customer: “Oh, because I feel more comfortable like this. So, what do you think?”

Coworker: “It looks… good.”

(My coworker looks down to avoid seeing the woman and notices stickers on the woman’s toes.)

Coworker: “Why do you have stickers on your toes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have any toenails. I think the stickers make them look prettier, and I feel more normal when I take off my shoes.”

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