Not Gifted In The Art Of Returns

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(While starting up my medical program, I am working at an outdoor style clothing store, which is a person’s name and not just initials or a place, in the mall. We are pretty busy, resulting in me being stuck on the register since I am the fastest at it.  I am the team leader for the current shift when this guy comes in with a hand full of socks, two shirts, and a pair of jeans. With him is a reasonably attractive blond, who I believe is his wife, since they have matching wedding bands on.)

Me: “Hey, how are you? What can I do for you?”

Him: “Well, my secretary got me all this stuff for my birthday and none of it is my style. I have never shopped at [Store] before and I don’t intend to. Not to mention none of these fit.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. Do you happen to have the receipt or gift receipt?”

(The man sighs, tapping the jeans with the palm of his hands.)

Him: “No, why would I? It was a gift. I told you that.”

Me: “Which is why I asked if you had a gift receipt. It’s all good, though. I can still get these returned for you. I don’t remember any of these having a sale outside of our coupons.”

(I ring everything up, coming up with a decent amount, and let him know.)

Me: “So, no, nothing was on sale, so I can give you the full price of it all. However, I can only do a gift card or a merchandise credit.”

Him: “WHAT?! Just give me the cash!”

Me: “I cannot do that. The register doesn’t even give me the option to do that. I will, unfortunately, also need your driver license to finalize the return.”

Him: “This is absolutely uncalled for! I am NOT giving your my license! I am NOT taking store credit! I told you I NEVER SHOP HERE! There is NOTHING you have that I want! I want to talk to who’s in charge!”

Me: “Hello, that’s me.”

(I smile and wave at him like an anime character.)

Him: “This is absolute bull-s***! You are an a**-hole! I can’t believe you don’t want to help me!”

Me: “I am helping you. You just don’t want the help.”

(At this point he grabs everything, while still screaming about how the ‘Return Anything Without A Receipt’ sign is a lie, so I point out where it says ‘Store Credit.’ As he’s screaming profanities at this point, I tell him he needs to leave or I’m having the police escort him out, since they have officers walking the mall. He hands the items to his arm candy, and he can’t help but scream one more time.)

Him: “I am NEVER shopping here again!

Me: “According to you, you never shopped here to begin with! You’re kind of like a vegetarian boycotting KFC: It doesn’t matter.”

Rudely Out Of (Con)Text

| MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

(To cater to our deals-obsessive demographics, we have text-messaging promotions where you can receive coupons on the spot. These are used in conjunction to meet our daily quota of pushing certain items such as our own brand garment bags. A 60-year-old man is buying suits and having them altered. I am ringing him up.)

Me: “Would you like to get a garment bag?”

Customer: “How much are they?”

Me: “The retail price is [higher amount], but if you use your phone, you can get it for [lower amount].”

Customer: “Sure thing! Would you help me? I’m not that handy with smartphones.”

(I give him the instructions, and it looks like his texting has reached its limit, so it won’t go through. I explain this to him.)

Me: “I don’t think it’s going to work. It seems like your service plan doesn’t allow it.”

Customer: “But I have [Provider]! Would you help me? I’m 60 years old and my grandchildren are way ahead of me in this area.”

(At this point I see that every text that had been blocked because of the plan’s limits is going straight to his notifications, of which there were thousands. I pull down the notification menu and scroll down. At several points I notice that there are notifications that are titled ‘Download complete: pornvid.mpeg.’ He immediately takes his phone from my hands.)

Me: “Maybe I could try one more time, but it doesn’t seem like it will take.”

Customer: “No, but I would really like the bag!”

(He goes back to his phone and taps on the Internet app instead of the messaging app. His most recent tab was an adult website. He angles the phone away from my eyes.)

Me: “You should hit the Home button.”

(He hits the Home button and then hits the Internet app again, and the same website pops up again. Again, he angles the screen away from my eyes.)

Me: “Now let’s try again…”

(At this point a line has formed. He eventually asks if a manager can help him and in the end is able to get the bag without doing the text message promotion. Later, after I regale the tale to the manager.)

Manager: “I hope he washed his hands before coming here.”

Me: “Thanks for reminding me that I touched his phone…”

Trying To Discount The Employees

| Regina, SK, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(A customer walks in with what I assume is his lady friend and buys a shirt for 10 bucks plus tax.)

Customer: “Hey, man. I like this shirt. It’s awesome.”

Me: “We usually have some good looking stuff for a pretty good price.”

Customer: “Yeah, so, do you guys have employee discounts?”

Me: “Yeah. Why? Did you want to apply here?”

Customer: “No. I was just hoping you could hook me up.”

Lady Friend: *slaps his shoulder* “Steve!”

Customer: “What?!” *notices my look of disbelief* “Obviously he can’t because the shirt is only 10 bucks!”

(I rang him through and sent him on his way. 1. If I did that, I’d get fired. 2. Are you that hard up for cash to ask for a discount on a 10 dollar shirt?)