No Longer A Custo-Mary Holiday

, , , | Right | August 18, 2009

(I am on the sales floor and there is a woman shopping with her little daughter. The daughter noticed a red and white sweater.)

Daughter: “Look, Mom, doesn’t this look like something Santa Claus would wear?”

Mother: “Santa Claus? Who’s that? Santa Claus is a fictional man they made up to take the place of Jesus.”

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Looking Forward To Backward Logic

, , | Right | July 29, 2009

Customer: “I’m here to return this shirt. I’m not satisfied with it.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you explain what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “The writing on it is all backward.”

(She pulls the shirt from her bag, but the lettering looks fine.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m looking at it right now, and this shirt is definitely not backward.”

Customer: “No, I went home and tried it on, and it was backward!”

Me: “Were you looking in a mirror?”

Customer: “Yes, but it should still read from right to left!”

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Ired By Shire Attire

, , , | Right | July 20, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me choose which suit I should get?”

Me: “Certainly. This model here was worn by actor Sean Astin.”

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “He played Sam in The Lord of the Rings. He was one of the hobbits.”

Customer: “You sell to hobbits!?”

Me: “Well, he’s not re–”

Customer: “You shouldn’t sell to hobbits!”

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Teaching The Next Generation

| Right | July 15, 2009

(I’m folding clothes when a young girl of about six comes up to me. Her mom is in a nearby fitting room trying clothes on.)

Girl: “Why do you have to fold those shirts?”

Me: “Well, they have to look neat on the tables, so I need to fold them.”

Girl: “So whenever someone looks at a shirt, you have to refold it?”

Me: “If it gets unfolded, yes.”

(Just then another customer walks up to the table and proceeds to unfold the top shirt from the pile, look at it, and throw it back down on top of the pile.)

Girl: “That must get really annoying.”

Me: “You have no idea.”

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As Shameless As She Is Shirtless

, , | Right | July 15, 2009

(I’m second in line to use a dressing room. In front of me is an impatient lady.)

Customer: “When will I get to use the dressing rooms?”

Attendant: “Very soon, madam. You’re next in line, so it should be any minute now.”

Customer: “But I’ve been here ten minutes already!”

Attendant: “Have some patience, madam. One of the rooms should be free any moment now.”

(Suddenly, the customer starts to undress right in front of everyone.)

Attendant: “Madam! Please wait for one of the dressing rooms to be free before you remove any more clothing!”

(The customer stops, but not before removing her shirt and exposing her bra.)

Customer: “FINE!”

(Another customer walks out and the shirtless customer finally walks into a dressing room.)

Attendant, to me: “Wow… just in time. I didn’t need to see any more of that!”

(As if on cue, the impatient customer comes back out, but this time she’s completely topless.)

Topless Customer: *to attendant* “Here, take this shirt back. It’s too revealing!”

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