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Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

, | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m a manager for a national clothing retailer outside of Boston and our store is running a promotion where customers can get coupons via text message.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, how do I get a coupon?”

Me: “You send a text message to this number **** and we will send you the coupon back.”

Customer: “So, do I need a cell phone in order to receive text message coupons from you?”

(Skipping a beat to see if she is serious.)

Me: “Yes. Yes, you do need a cell phone to receive text messages.”

Customer: *looking confused* “Oh.” *she walks away*

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10

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So Cheap It’s A Steal

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Popular

(The store is featuring a huge sale on clearance. For example, items marked down to $19 from an original price of $50+ are ringing up for $8.99. A customer comes up with two items that ring up $4.99 each, at least an 80% markdown from the original price.)

Customer: “Can I use this $10 off coupon I got on my phone?”

Me: “I’m so sorry. That coupon can only be used on regularly priced items. And it specifies that it’s $10 off $50 in purchases.”

Customer: “Well, how can I get another discount, then? Do you have any coupons I can use to bring down the price?”

Me: *after blinking out of sheer shock* “I… I guess you could steal it?”

(Thankfully, my manager heard my reply and started cracking up.)

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How Em-Bra-assing, Part 2

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Popular

(I work at a popular chain of plus sized women’s clothing stores. A woman comes in with her son, who looks about eight or so. Our bras are in the back corner of our store. The mother instructs her son to sit on a bench, and has me size her for a bra and then help her figure out what one(s) work best.)

Me: *turns around to show the woman a rack of new bras and sees that her son is no longer on the bench* “Uh, ma’am? Did you have a kid with you?”

Customer: *whips around* “What? Oh, god! [Kid]?! Where are you?” *starts searching the whole store, including under the panty tables and in clothes racks*

Me: *quietly use my walkie to tell the manager a woman’s kid likely ran off somewhere and ask if I should call mall security*

Customer: *starts coming back, looking like she’s either ready to cry or rip my head off because some people think it’s my job to watch their kids*

(The kid suddenly crawls out from underneath a dressing room door, in our leopard corset lingerie (completely fastened, mind you) with his T shirt stuffed into the bra cups and the stocking straps clipped onto his shorts.)

Kid: *clearly very proud of himself* “MOM! I’m Catwoman!”

Me: *goes entirely silent and just stares, at a complete loss as to what to do*

(My manager steps out of back room and then abruptly turns back in, but I can hear him on my walkie earpiece.)

Manager: “I am NOT dealing with that.”

(Things ended up fine. The kid did get scolded for disappearing, but his mother really couldn’t get mad at the corset thing because it was just too funny. Normally, I hate children, but this kid was great. He’s going somewhere in life, I just know it.)

Related:
How Em-bra-assing

Sales End, But Stupidity Is Forever

| Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a clothing store where we had a sale that ended a couple of weeks prior to this day. Customer comes to the register and throws the blouse on the counter. She starts to tell me about her purchase the week we had the sale, and tells me she got a price adjustment, because she bought a blouse just a couple days prior to the sale.)

Customer: “I want to pay the sale price for this.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “This was cheaper a couple of weeks ago. So, I want to pay that price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our sale is over.”

Customer: “You don’t get it. I WANT to buy a new blouse and I WANT pay the sale price.”

Me: “I understand. Like you mentioned before, you got a price adjustment for the prior blouse you bought, but the sale is now over.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I don’t want to pay the regular price. I want the sale price. I want to buy this new blouse for the sale price.”

Me: “I understand, but when our sales are over, the clothing goes back to our regular price. Therefore, I cannot grant you a sale price if the sale is over. As you told me before, you were able to get a price adjustment for the same blouse you bought, but if you want to purchase a new blouse, it must be paid in full price, because the sale is now over. You’re more than welcome to give us a call next week and check with us for any sales, or if this blouse happens to go on sale again, you may get the price adjusted.”

Customer: “No, you REALLY don’t get it. I don’t understand why you can’t give me the sale price. But, I’ll just pay for it.”

In No Hurry, So Talk About Surrey

| Seattle, WA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work at one of the few remaining companies that haven’t sourced out their call centers. It had been a nightmare day when I get this call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I would like to place an order; we’re having trouble on your website.”

Me: “We can certainly do that for you today, sir. Have you ordered with us before?”

Caller: “No, I haven’t.”

Me: “All right, let me create a profile for you really quick, sir.” *it’s here I finally notice he has a British accent* “And sir, I would like to warn you, if you want to ship this to England in time for Christmas, that deadline has passed.”

Caller: “Oh, no, it’s just going to Ohio.”

Me: “Wonderful! Let’s get you taken care of.”

(I start to fill his information in for our system, when he starts to give me the billing address, that’s when I find out he’s from Surrey.)

Me: “I have a friend who’s from that area. He says it’s lovely.”

Caller: “Oh, it is, very lovely. I would suggest hanging onto that friend. Surrey is like the Hamptons.”

Me: “He’s married, or I would take your advice, sir.”

(We place the order and get the credit card information while chatting about California, where he is for the holidays, his grandchildren, and, oddly enough, ‘Les Misérables.’)

Me: “And your total is [total] and we’re sending this out with our free standard shipping. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Caller: “No, but thank you [My Name]. You’ve really restored my faith in humanity during this time of year.”

Me: “Thank you, sir, but I am just doing my job and it was a pleasure to speak with you today.”

Caller: “Merry Christmas!”

Me: “Merry Christmas, sir.”

(He hung up at that point and I wanted so badly to send him a gift card or something. He was so kind and made me smile the rest of the day. It’s those kind of customers that make me love my job even more.)

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