I need some new pants, and because of the global health crisis, I want to buy them online instead of going to the shop I normally use. I’m a big guy, and the large brands don’t carry stuff in my size, so I Google around a bit. Finally, I find an online store that seems to be part of a regular shop several 100 km away that specializes in big sizes.

I find three pairs of pants quickly, but at the checkout, it becomes a bit difficult. They don’t accept Paypal. My options are an advance money transfer (which means almost no way to get my money back if the store stiffs me), a German thing called Nachnahme where you pay the delivery driver (which costs extra and is a huge hassle if you’re not at home or the driver doesn’t have change), or an invoice where you do a money transfer after your stuff arrives. I opt for the invoice.

One week later, no pants.

Almost two weeks later, I email them, and I get no response, so finally, I call them. The lady asks for my order details and looks up my order.

Employee: “Ah, yes. Didn’t you get our letter?” 

I check my inbox again. No email from them. I tell her that.

Employee: “No, not your email. We sent you a real letter — by post. Didn’t you get that? Did you give us the wrong address? You should have recognized it; it has our logo on the envelope and everything!”

Me: “I might have gotten the letter and thrown it out unopened because I mistook it for advertising. Why you didn’t just send an email?”

Employee: “Email is so complicated to use; we don’t do that here. Anyway, what we told you is that, as you’re a new customer, we won’t accept the invoice option.”

I politely told her to cancel my order. And I was tempted to tell her that, next time, she should just carve the response in a clay tablet and send that per Pony Express. But I guess she wouldn’t have understood the joke.

I grew up low-income and never had a bra that actually fit properly. So, when I’m twenty, my best friend convinces me to get a bra fitting done. Due to some traumatic things from my childhood, I ask [Employee #1] if [Best Friend] can be in the room with us — the fitting rooms are individual spaces, so no other women — and she agrees without any question. At the time, there are no other women trying anything on or getting fitted. It’s just the three of us,

I should mention at this point that my best friend is gay and has a boyfriend who he has since married. But even if he weren’t, I trust him completely.

Everything in the fitting room goes well, I get my proper sizing, and I leave to go look for bras. As my friend and I are exiting the fitting room, a woman sees us.

Woman: “What was he doing in there?”

Now, I absolutely get that she might be uncomfortable, and I respect that completely. It’s what happens next that is upsetting.

Me: “I asked him to be present for my fitting. It was just us and an employee back there.”

Woman: “Well, he shouldn’t be back there. He shouldn’t even be in this store. How do I know he’s not a pervert?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but I promise he was only here to help me.”

She glares at us and wanders off, and I think it’s the end of it.

Then, I hear yelling at the front of the store. The woman is actually screaming at the employees to call the police because of a “pervert” in the store.

Woman: “MEN SHOULDN’T EVEN BE IN THIS STORE, AND YOU LET HIM IN THE DRESSING ROOM! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF MEN WANT TO BE IN THE DRESSING ROOM?!”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, women are allowed to bring their boyfriends and husbands into this store.”

Woman: “CALL. THE. POLICE. NOW.”

Employee #1: “Ma’am, I was in the room with him, and he did not bother any women. He was on his phone the entire time, and there were no other women in the entire dressing area.”

Woman: “HE WAS PROBABLY FILMING! OR TAKING PICTURES! HE’S A PERVERT! NO MAN SHOULD HAVE A CAMERA IN THE DRESSING ROOMS!”

Employee #1: “Ma’am, please stop yelling.”

Woman: “IF YOU DON’T CALL THE POLICE, I WILL.”

True to her word, she dialed 911 and began screaming about witnessing a man taking photos in the dressing room. She began describing my best friend down to the clothes he was wearing.

Figuring it was better to just wait for the police, my best friend and I waited by the checkout. When the police showed up, the woman went running up to them, screaming about how she was in the dressing room when the “pervert” began taking photos and filming. 

Both employees, my best friend, and I explained what had actually happened and how her behavior rapidly escalated. My best friend even offered over his phone to be inspected, which, surprise surprise, revealed zero images of women in a state of undress.

At this point, the police asked if there were cameras for the store. They were not accusing us, but they were also treating the woman well and not acting until they could verify the story one way or the other. 

Obviously, no cameras were directed at the fitting room stalls. But they did show the fitting room entrance, and they showed that the whole time the three of us were inside, the woman was out browsing on the floor.

The woman’s story disproven, the police went over and explained to her that making false accusations of this matter is extremely serious and that all evidence disproved her story. 

She broke down crying and sobbing that nobody believed she’d been violated. 

At this point, the police told my best friend and me that we were free to go. We checked out and skedaddled out of there. And then, we indulged in some ice cream therapy at a shop near the mall.

Some teenage girls (maybe about fourteen or fifteen) have spent a long time in the store, and it has become obvious that they’re not here to really buy anything but instead to try on clothes for their TikToks and film themselves doing silly things around the store.

We’ve been tolerating them for about an hour, but it becomes too much when they try to do a dance move next to the checkout line and keep colliding with customers.

Teenage Girl #1: “God, move out of the way, why don’t you?”

Me: “Okay, ladies, that’s enough. If you’re not buying anything, you’re loitering. Please leave.”

Teenage Girl #2: “That’s so classist! You’re only allowed to be here if you’re spending money?!”

Me: “Yes!”

Teenage Girl #1: “That’s so classist! OMG! You guys should be ashamed of yourselves!”

Since they’re speaking (and giggling) at a loud volume, it has attracted the attention of our manager. She is in her early thirties but looks like she could pull off young twenties. I explain the situation to her and her entire demeanor changes with the girls. She immediately sounds like one of them, something I have never heard her do ever before.

Manager: “OMG, that’s so cute! Here, let me film you!”

The girls look smugly at me as they pass their phone to the manager, giggling all the way.

Manager: “Okay, girls, let’s make this amazing! Ready? Three… two… one!”

The girls start their dance routine, but then my manager turns the phone around to film herself and starts walking away.

Manager: “Hi, my name is [Manager], and I am the general manager of the [Mall] branch of [Store]. The owner of this TikTok has been disturbing customers and staff, so this phone is being confiscated until her parents show up to collect it.”

By now, the girls have realized what is happening and are chasing after my manager.

Teenage Girl #1: “Hey! Give that back! She’s stealing my phone!”

Manager: “There, that is uploaded for you. Store policy states that if I have reason to suspect you’ve been filming members of staff without their permission, I am allowed to confiscate this phone until the police arrive and we can confirm no such images were taken.”

Teenage Girl #1: “That’s so stupid! We were just filming ourselves!”

Manager: “I can’t know that. So, either you call the police, or you get your parents down here to collect the phone and I explain why it was confiscated, or we call the police. You choose.”

The teenagers protest a little more, but eventually, they step outside into the mall. [Teenager #1] goes to get her mom, who it turns out has also been shopping.

The manager explains the situation, the mother forces the girls to apologize, and the phone is handed back to them.

Me: “Did you really upload that TikTok?”

Manager: “Of course not, but they didn’t know that at first. These days, nothing gets a teenage girl to behave quicker than a threat to her online social status.”

So far, we haven’t seen those girls again. Good result by any measure!

It is the height of craziness in 2020. We have just come off furlough, but the fitting rooms in our store are still closed. Our customers are not happy, but we are using the fitting rooms to quarantine all the clothes that have been returned, based on medical advice at the time.

Customers start taking it upon themselves to try on clothes in the store aisles. It’s the beginning of a giant mess, but no one can stop them.

I am returning clothes that have completed quarantine to their racks, and I look up and am face to face with a woman’s naked rear end. She is trying on bathing suits in the middle of the store and has pulled down her pants and underwear to put on the bathing suit.

Me: “You can’t do that!”

Customer: “There are no signs!”

I look at her, and then I look at her friends, who are staring at us both.

Me: “Please explain to her why we don’t need signs.”

Then, I walked away.

I guess they explained public indecency to her because, when I came back five minutes later to continue putting stuff away, she and her friends were gone.

I work at a clothing and shoe store.

Customer: “I want to return this pair of shoes. You sold me two left feet!”

This is most likely a mix-up on our part due to the large quantity of pairs we sell. I examine the shoes, per company policy, and they look worn. There I am, holding two worn left shoes, and he says:

Customer: “I had a party to go to and those were the only shoes I had!”