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We Smell A Divorccce

, , , | Right | September 21, 2023

A customer walks into our high-end brand fashion store and places a bag down on the counter.

Customer: “My husband got me this bag for my anniversary, but the strap is broken! It’s barely lasted a year!”

Me: “I see.”

Customer: “Well?! Aren’t you going to fix it? Or do you not stand by your products?”

Me: “We absolutely do stand by our products, ma’am, but that is not one of our products.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?! This is a Gucci!”

Me: “Yes, and Gucci is usually spelled with two Cs, ma’am, not three.”

I gesture to a tiny label on the inside of her bag. She puts her glasses on, and for the first time ever, she can see the label. She goes red and marches to the exit. 

Customer: “I’m gonna f****** kill him!”

Laboring Away At The Sales

, , , , , | Right | September 13, 2023

A heavily pregnant customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have this in a size six?”

Me: “I can look it up for you, ma’am.”

I look at her big bump but don’t say anything.

Customer: “Oh, it’s not for now! Ha! It’s for after I give birth.”

Me: “Congratulations, by the way. When are you due?”

Customer: “Hopefully tonight. I went into labor this morning and I was on my way to the hospital, but I remembered you were having a sale and I wanted to check it out!”

Me: “Ma’am! You should be in the hospital!”

Customer: “Bah, it’s fine. This is baby number four. I know how long it takes, and if he’s anything like the three other little f***ers, he’ll take his sweet time getting out. So… a size six?”

Me: “Oh… uh, yes, we do have one in the back.”

Customer: “Could you go get it for me?”

Me: “Yes. I’ll be back straight away!”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. Take your time.” 

I did NOT take my time!

We’re Gonna Have To Tag Out Of This One

, , , , | Right | September 11, 2023

Customer: “I want a refund for this shirt. It still has the tag on it, see?!”

Me: “Yes, I can see the tag, but I don’t think we can accept this refund.”

Customer: “But it has the tag on it!”

Me: “Yes, but the merchandise needs to be in a resellable condition.”

Customer: “But it has the tag on it!”

Manager: “Sir, the shirt is covered in what I really hope is a ketchup of some kind, and it looks like a feral sharp-clawed cat has gone to town on it at the back.”

Customer: “But… it… has the tag… on it!”

I denied the refund. He forlornly walked out of the store, eyes on the ground, repeating to himself, “But… the tag…”

Is It Possible To Divorce Parents?

, , , , , , , | Right | September 11, 2023

CONTENT WARNING: Mention Of Death

 

I am folding some clothes near the checkouts. A customer and her daughter, probably mid-twenties or so, are checking out some dresses.

Cashier: “Oh, hey, [Customer]!”

Customer: “Oh, [Cashier]! I forgot you worked here! How’ve you been?”

Cashier: “Getting by. It’s been tough, so—”

Customer’s Mother: *Interrupting and pushy* “Yes, yes, it must be tough being you. Ring us up, please. We’re busy.”

Cashier: “Of… of course, ma’am.”

Customer: “Mom! There’s no need to be so rude!”

Customer’s Mother: “We found your dress for the rehearsal dinner, but we still need to get you measured for the bridesmaid’s dress! There’s so much to do, and we haven’t the time for chit-chat!”

The customer’s mother then looks down at the cashier.

Customer’s Mother: “Not that this one would understand. Not like anyone’s marrying her.”

The cashier stops dead in her tracks, slowly puts the clothing down, stands up, and runs out to the back.

Customer: “Mom! She heard you! The whole store heard you!”

Customer’s Mother: “Well, maybe it’s good that she hears it. Tough love worked on you, and now you’re—”

Customer: “Shut up! She is my friend, and her husband died last year! You just insulted a widow!”

Customer’s Mother: “How was I supposed to know?”

Customer: “Exactly, Mom! You don’t! So shut your mouth! That’s it. I’m done shopping with you! Don’t be surprised if you’re no longer welcome to the wedding!”

The daughter stormed out, leaving behind the clothes. The mother looked about aimlessly for a moment and then just kind of… vaguely sauntered out.

I checked in on the cashier, and I found out later that she’d quit. She came back to work thinking she could handle retail and bereavement, but customers are just too spiteful for that. I wish her the best.

I also hope that mother didn’t get anywhere near that wedding!

Never Get In The Middle Of A Fight Between Scottish Women

, , , , , | Right | August 31, 2023

I am working in a clothing store when two women come in, one older and one younger. The older customer seems to be making negative comments about every item the younger customer picks up.

Older Customer: “Och! No wonder you can’t find a man if that’s what you think you look good wearing.”

Younger Customer: “Well, maybe I like to wear clothes that I enjoy, and you shouldn’t have to worry about what other people think they look like.”

Older Customer: “Well, maybe if you gave me grandkids, I wouldn’t have to worry!”

Younger Customer: “Well, maybe if you weren’t such a c**t, a guy would hang around long enough to f*** me!”

Well, that escalated!

Related:
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 2
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman
Tell Me You’re In Scotland Without Telling Me You’re In Scotland
Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown