Sometimes, This Job Really Blows

| Colorado, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I work as a drug tester for state agencies. Most people come in for breathalyzers. Our machine though does not stop on its own and I have to tell people when to stop blowing. A new client has just come in and is doing his blood alcohol.)

Me: “…and stop blowing.”

(The client doesn’t stop, but keeps blowing until the machine gives a system error.)

Me: “Okay, let’s try one more time…” *client blows* “…and stop.”

(Again, the client doesn’t stop, which causes a system error again. This goes on ELEVEN more times, with me explaining repeatedly that he needs to stop when I tell him to.)

Client: “What the F***! Why won’t this f***ing thing work?!”

Me: “As I’ve explained multiple times, you have to stop when I say or it won’t work.”

Client: “I don’t like people telling me what to do!”

Don’t Try Doctoring The Doctor

| Sydney, Australia | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I am a medical receptionist for a busy medical centre. On this particular Friday night, we only have two doctors on and at least 35 people waiting. A new patient comes in.)

New Patient: “Yes, I’d like to see a doctor, please.”

Me: “Certainly sir. Although I must tell you, there will be approximately an hour and half wait. As you can see, we are very busy tonight.”

New Patient: “Are you sure you can’t just squeeze me in at the top of the queue? I couldn’t be bothered to go to work today, so I need a medical certificate.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that won’t be possible. We have a large number of patients with more serious ailments.”

New Patient: “That’s f***ing ridiculous!”

(About ten minutes pass. One of the doctors comes out and calls another patient’s name.)

Doctor: “Mr. [another patient]?”

New Patient: “Yes! That’s me!”

Doctor: “No, it’s not.”

New Patient: “How do you know?! How dare you assume that I’m lying! Do you know who I am?!”

Doctor: “I know for a fact that you’re not my brother-in-law, whose name I just called.”

New Patient: *sheepishly picks up his bags and leaves*

Meet The New Time, Same As The Old Time

| Israel | Uncategorized

Patient: “I’d like an appointment tomorrow with the doctor.”

Me: “How does 11:20 sound?”

Patient: “No! I want something between 11:00 and 11:30!”

Me: “No problem! How bout 11:20?”

Patient: “Great, see you then!”