Natural Medicine Versus Naturist Medicine

| GA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I work for a local orthopedic surgeon. One of my jobs is to remove post-op braces and put casts on. I’m a young woman; the patient is a 19-year old man.)

Me: “Okay, sir. You’ll be in room three. I need to go get some supplies, but go on and sit on the exam table. Make yourself comfortable.”

(The patient nods and hops up on the table. I cut the splint off his leg. We request patients wear gym shorts so we don’t have to cut their jeans. I walk out to get supplies and close the door. When I return, I knock twice and open the door. He’s laid out on the table, naked, and playing with his PSP.)

Me: “Um, sir? I didn’t need you to remove your clothes.”

Patient: “What? You told me to get comfortable!”

No Wait To Her Argument

| Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Time

(I’m running slightly late to meet a patient. I arrive about five minutes after the appointment time to find no one there. I wait around, wondering if she was perhaps caught up in traffic. After half an hour goes by, I call her.)

Patient: *rudely* “Hello!?”

Me: “Hello, this is [name] of [clinic name]. We had a 4 pm appointment today, but I didn’t see you.”

Patient: “Oh, I was waiting forever, and you never showed!”

Me: “I’m so sorry I missed you. How long were you waiting?”

Patient: “45 minutes.”

Me: “Huh? But it’s 4:30 now and there’s no one here.”

Patient: “Yeah, I know! I left at 4pm!”

Me: “But, that’s when our appointment was.”

Patient: “Right! I can’t believe you were so late!”

Me: “Please correct me if I’m wrong, but [clinic] is by-appointment-only, which means I am not in the office unless there’s a patient. I’ve told you this, haven’t I?”

Patient: “That’s right.”

Me: “So you’re upset because I wasn’t here 45 minutes before I was actually supposed to be here?”

Patient: “Yes!”

(The weirdest thing is that I had actually treated her before, and she’d shown up fifteen minutes late without calling!)

Self-Discarding Prophecy

| Switzerland | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am a secretary at an eye clinic. A patient comes up to me to get a new appointment.)

Me: “So, this is your card with the date and time of the consultation.”

Patient: “Do I get a letter with this information?”

Me: “We just give out the cards. We have about 140 patients everyday. So, we can’t mail everyone a letter for their next appointment… sorry.”

Patient: “But then, how do I remember it?”

Me: “Well, you have your card now.”

Patient: “That’s not possible, because I’m going to throw this card away!”

Me: “Just please hang on to the card, and you’ll be fine.”

Patient: “Great. How am I supposed to remember the appointment when I’m throwing this away?”

Me: “Please just hang on to the card.”

Patient: “You’re no help at all. In case I forget my next appointment, it’s your fault!”

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