Client: “I’m going to send you some photos for the site. I have a photographer friend, and we’re going to take some photos that I think subtly evoke sexuality.”

Me: “All right, sounds good.”

One week later, the client sends me several close-up photos of shag carpet, lacquered chairs, and hardwood floors.

Client: “Well, what do you think?”

Me: “Um, well… these don’t remind me of sex.”

Client: “Yeah, they don’t remind me of sex, either.”

Client: “I’ve never really used Google before. Who do you ask on it?”

Me: “Ask on it?”

Client: “Yes, well, on AskJeeves, I just asked Jeeves. Do you ask the Google to find you something?”

Me: “We have a lot to catch you up on.”

I’m in a brainstorming session for a prenatal care website.

Client #1: “How hard would it be to have an unborn baby on the homepage that ushers you through the site?”

Client #2: “That would be creepy. What about just a regular out-of-the-womb baby?”

Client #1: “But then that’s not really pre-natal care, is it?”

Client #2: “True. Yeah, let’s stick with the unborn baby.”

My client is looking at Google Maps.

Client: “The arrow isn’t pointing to our company’s location. Can you change that?”

Me: “What arrow? The map doesn’t have an arrow. It’s just a map of your general location.”

Client: “How can you not see the giant arrow right there? Just fix it, man.”

It turned out it was an arrow-shaped lake.

Client: “Quick, what rhymes with ‘homepage’?”

Me: “Why?”

Client: “I’m making a song for the conference call, and I’m stuck.”

Me: “Roam… cage?”

Client: “…”

Me: “…”

Client: “That’s what you’re going with? ‘Roam cage’? And we hired you because you’re artistic?”