Clients From Hell“Barely People, Somehow Legal…”
Client: “We have six designers working for us at the moment and an intern. That makes it six and a half people.”
Me: “Your intern would love to hear that.”
A collection of client horror stories from designers and freelancers on CFH.
Photoshop Isn’t Magic, People!
Client: “We don’t like this girl’s smile on the brochure cover. Can you Photoshop another mouth onto her face from one of the other photos?”
Me: “Unfortunately, none of the other photos of her smiling are from the same angle.”
Client: “Well, then Photoshop her whole head out and use a head from the other photo where she is smiling.”
Me: “Can’t do it. The heads aren’t from the same angle as the body. It won’t look right.”
Client: “Sure, it will! People Photoshop heads and body parts all the time.”
GrApHiC dEsIgN iS mY pAsSiOn
As an in-house graphic designer, I worked with an interior designer on a design for an exhibition stand for our company at a big London furniture show. With dark wood panels and simple silver lettering, it looked great.
However, a salesman who liked to make his own Powerpoint presentations had talked them into letting him create an animated presentation that would be displayed on a loop on a big flatscreen in the middle of the stand.
I arrived at the exhibition to see the company name in Comic Sans, flashing in purple and yellow, and pictures of chairs flying around the screen.
I expressed my dismay to another member of staff who was also watching it. He said that he thought it was comparable with anything I’d ever done.
Glad We’re All In Agreement On That
Client: “I’m going to send you some photos for the site. I have a photographer friend, and we’re going to take some photos that I think subtly evoke sexuality.”
Me: “All right, sounds good.”
One week later, the client sends me several close-up photos of shag carpet, lacquered chairs, and hardwood floors.
Client: “Well, what do you think?”
Me: “Um, well… these don’t remind me of sex.”
Client: “Yeah, they don’t remind me of sex, either.”
Is It 2003?!
Client: “I’ve never really used Google before. Who do you ask on it?”
Me: “Ask on it?”
Client: “Yes, well, on AskJeeves, I just asked Jeeves. Do you ask the Google to find you something?”
Me: “We have a lot to catch you up on.”