I’m a freelance designer at lunch with a client. He requests to see a wireframe on my laptop.
Client: “Wow, that loaded really fast! How is your laptop that fast?”
Me: “Well, I had to pay extra for a faster processor. This way, I get an extra gigahertz, and my programs can launch and render that much faster.”
Client: “Don’t you mean gigabytes? Everything in computers is measured in bytes and gigabytes.”
Me: “No, actually, that number is in gigahertz. It represents the frequency of—”
Client *Outraged.* “HOW DARE YOU TALK DOWN TO ME LIKE THAT! I was on IBM’s board when they designed the IBM PC! I have more knowledge of computers in one finger than you’ll ever have in your life! GIGAHERTZ HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH COMPUTERS!”
And right then, I decided I wanted nothing to do with him.
Client: “And could you burn the designs onto a CD once you’re done? I’ll have someone pick it up.”
Me: “I could email it to you if that’s to your convenience?”
Client: “Hmm… Well, I don’t have an e-mail, but you could send it to my Gmail?”
Related:
Email Fail, Part 35
Email Fail, Part 34
Email Fail, Part 33
Email Fail, Part 32
Email Fail, Part 31
Me: “Here are the photographs from the shoot yesterday.”
Client: “Nice shots; I like this one from behind the man. Can you just flip the image so we can see his face and not the back of his head?”
Me: “You want me to turn him around in the photograph so you can see his face?”
Client: “Yes, and maybe we can make him black. Do you have Photoshop?”
After giving a client his requested site design, he made it clear he wasn’t pleased.
Me: “But that’s what you asked for…”
Client: “Yeah, but I meant that figuratively.”
Me: “So you don’t want it to look like this?”
Client: “No, I do. Just think of the site design as a metaphor of a real website.”
Me: “…What?!”
Client: “The text is not black enough.”
Me: “It is set as ‘Black’ in the style sheet…”
Client: “Okay, but can you make it blacker than that black?”
Me: “Hold on, I’ll try something. Give me an hour.”
I go to lunch.
Me: “Okay, can you refresh your browser now?”
Client: “Yes, that’s better, thanks.”
Clients From Hell
