I ask a client for some financial documentation for a deadline, including several accounting reports on a cash-basis — as opposed to an accrual basis. The two are different ways of accounting, to put it in the most basic terms.

The client emails back.

Client: “I cannot send you a CASH-basis Profit and Loss Statement. We do not deal in cash. We take credit cards only.”

I walked away from my computer at that point, walked into my boss’s office, and told him I was mentally done for the day.

Client: “I’m not too sure about the blue…”

Me: “Actually, that’s green.”

Client: “Who’s the client?”

Me: “You.”

Client: “And what color is it?”

Me: “…blue?”

Client: “Right. Now, let me see what other shades of blue we have.”

We settled on pine tree “blue”.

I was awake for thirty-seven hours during the final phase of this design. I called my client and told him I needed to sleep before I could do any more work.

Client: “Just one other quick thing…”

Me: “Yes?”

Client: “Can you just quickly translate it into French while I go eat breakfast?”

Client: “You said you changed the images on the website, but they haven’t changed. Don’t you check these things once you do them?!”

Me: “I’m looking at them on my computer right now, and they are working.”

Client: “This is unacceptable. Don’t lie to me about work you don’t do.”

The client insisted that I go down to his office to discuss the terms of my contract and to explain what I could do to fix my “stupid mistake”.

The client made me sit down at his computer, with the old images from the site staring back at me.

Client: “Explain to me where the updated images are.”

I hit “refresh”.

Me: “Right there.”

I’m on the phone with a client.

Client: “Wait, let me make a note of that. Do you have a pen I can borrow?”

Me: “Are you talking to me?”

Client: “Who else would I be talking to?”