Client: “I watched the instructional video you prepared, and I am able to add and publish a post. How do I get the new post to appear on the navigation menu?”

Me: “You watched the video from beginning to end?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, scroll to 6:30 on it.”

Client: “Okay.”

Me: “The title should read ‘How to Make a New Post Appear’.”

Client: “Right.”

Me: “Now finish watching the video.”

Client: “I don’t understand why I’m being charged for ten hours for this. It seems like it should take an hour or two, tops.”

Me: “Well, it may seem that way, but it was quite involved. The good news is that it is set up now, you can manage it with the front end, and you will never need to set it up again.”

Client: “I took a web design class once. I’m positive this would only take me an hour or two, and I’m not even an expert.”

I was doing some social media and web design work for a client I knew personally. The password suddenly changed on the web hosting and company email. Then, I couldn’t log in to the Facebook page.

Me: “Hey, did you take me off the Facebook page as an admin?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Why is that?”

No response came, and a few hours later, I was kicked off of Twitter as I was doing some work. Apparently, the password had changed.

Me: “What’s going on?”

No response. After some more time…

Client: “We hired someone else. We’re not willing to pay what you want.”

I was working for free because I wanted to build my portfolio.

Me: “Well, thanks for the opportunity, and I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I would have preferred you talked to me instead of changing the passwords on work as I completed it. Regardless, good luck.”

A little later, I got a text from [Client], who was drunk.

Client: “I tired to talk to you about it when u were here and said he had talked with you we had a lady already doing it he was shocked on what you wanted to charge thanks.”

Shortly after a client viewed the brief, agreed to the Scope of Work, signed a contract, and paid a non-refundable deposit, the following phone call took place.

Client: “Would it be breaking the law if we just called off this whole contract business and you did the work for me on the side? I would still pay you.”

Me: “Well… you already signed the contract and paid us a non-refundable deposit.  We would still need a contract to do work.”

Client: “But I need you to update my website!”

Me: “Which is why you hired us, right?”

Client: “Well, what’s it even going to look like?”

Me: “I’m resending you the brief now, but as you may remember, we’re going to use elements from your old website and—”

Client: “What? I have an old website? Is it on the Internet?”

I’m in a closed-door, one-on-one meeting with my boss.

Boss: “If I was ever going to sexually harass anyone, it would definitely be you.”

I no longer work for them.