Respect My Time And I’ll Consider Respecting Your Needs
Client: “We’re moving to another host; you need to help us!”
Me: “I’d love to, but my wife is in labor right now.”
Client: “Do you understand our website is down?“
Client: “We’re moving to another host; you need to help us!”
Me: “I’d love to, but my wife is in labor right now.”
Client: “Do you understand our website is down?“
Years ago, I was young, naive, and unemployed. While I was browsing the graphic design magazines in a bookstore, an older man approached me.
Client: “I see you look really interested in graphic design. I’m looking to hire a graphic designer.”
Me: “Wow, really? I’m looking for a job right now!”
Client: “Let me get you some information about my company. It’s in my car.”
Me: “Okay!”
He came back quickly and showed me binders and business cards about his cultural institution.
Client: “Here’s what I do. If that sounds interesting, give me your phone number and we can set up a meeting.”
Me: “Yes, I would like that!”
The client called a few days later.
Client: “Let’s meet.”
Me: “Okay. Where should we meet?”
Client: “Let’s meet this Saturday evening at [Nightclub/Dance Club].”
Me: “Umm… that’s a dance club. How am I supposed to bring my portfolio there?”
Client: “Don’t bring your portfolio.”
I’ve been working with a client for a while when I am called into the president’s office.
Client: “We’re going to have to ask you to leave.”
Me: “What? Why? I thought you liked the work I’ve been doing.”
Client: “Oh, your work is terrific. But er, you’ve become known among some higher-ups as a… ‘quirky’ guy.”
He makes air quotes with his fingers.
Me: “Haha, well, there are lots of quirky folks around. It’s a design office.”
Client: “Yeeeahh. Well, some folks aren’t too comfortable with… ‘quirky’ people like you. I think you’d be a lot happier working somewhere else… maybe in another city like San Francisco where there are lots of other ‘quirky’ people like you.”
Me: “Er… can you tell me what you mean by ‘quirky,’ just so I’m clear?”
Client: “Not legally.”
Client: “The site looks terrible. The columns don’t line up, and the text is all over the place. I’m seriously concerned. We had an agreement, and I will not pay your invoice until you resolve these issues.”
Me: “The site looks fine to me in Chrome, IE, Firefox, and Safari. Which browser are you using?”
Client: “I use Internet Explorer on a Mac.”
Me: “That’s a dead browser that can’t support contemporary websites. You should really use Firefox, Safari, or Chrome.”
Client: “Look, it doesn’t work and you need to fix it. Are you going to tell that to everyone else in the world using IE on a Mac?”
Me: “I honestly believe that you may be the last one.”
Me: “Unfortunately, some of the images you sent over can’t be used as they are the wrong file type.”
Client: “Oh, okay. Which files?”
Me: “The animated GIFs.”
Client: “So, why can’t they be used for the brochure?”