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A collection of client horror stories from designers and freelancers on CFH.

Don’t Sweat(er) The Latitude

, , , , | Right | May 3, 2022

I am helping a client plan a trip.

Client: “Is it cold in Alaska?”

Me: “Yes, definitely. You should bring warm clothes.”

Client: “So, I should bring a sweater?”

Me: “Ma’am, you are going dog-sledding on a glacier.”

Client: “…so, two sweaters?”

Time Is Against You

, , , , , , | Right | May 2, 2022

I am talking on the phone with a client. I am telling her about background check requirements, and she’s giving me a hard time.

Me: “If you lived outside of the state within five years, you’ll need these extra background checks, so I need you to find out when you actually moved.”

Client: “It was either four or five years.”

We’ve been talking about this for two days now.

Me: “Well, it will still be noted on your report that you didn’t get them done when you were hired, but you may still need to get those extra background checks done now based on whether it’s been four or five years since you moved here.”

Client: “So, what’s the difference between four and five years?”

Me: “…”

But… Google IS The Internet, Right?

, , , | Right | May 1, 2022

Client: “I cannot access the Internet.”

Me: “Okay, I can help with that. What have you tried so far?”

Client: “I clicked on Internet Explorer and all I see is this MSN crap!”

Me: “That is the Internet.”

Client: “No, this is not! I want the Internet.”

I was so stumped for a while, but then inspiration struck.

Me: “Look at the top of your screen. Do you see where ‘MSN dot com’ is? Great! Click there and delete that text. Now, type ‘Google dot com’ and press enter.”

Client: “Great, thanks so much for your help!”

Well, A Little Less Busy Now…

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2022

I’ve spent weeks trying to get a client to return my calls/emails in order to book a project review meeting.

Me: “Okay. Let’s nail down the review meeting for Friday [two days later]. What time is good for you?”

Client: “Don’t kid me. You’re not that busy. All you guys do is sit around and doodle s***, and I have stuff to do on Friday. We’ll do it today.”

Me: “Okay. You can come by if you want, but I’ll be at another client’s office. The bench outside my office can double as a bed and the coffee shop next door has Wi-Fi. See you Friday.”

I didn’t hear from him again.

The Dumbest Kind Of Pirate

, , , | Right | April 29, 2022

I’m on the phone with an acquaintance of my boss. They want to host a server with all of the music they’ve copied from CDs, pirated, or downloaded from iTunes.

Me: “Legally, I need to sway you from starting a website that charges people to download all of the music you’ve copied off of your CDs.“

Client: “What? Why? There are all kinds of places you can get music for free. iTunes charges. I’m like iTunes!”

Me: “No, iTunes has paid for licensing to distribute the music and make a profit off it.“

Client: “Whatever, I’ll just get one of those… Now, on to the design. I want it to look exactly like iTunes so people think they are using them. Can we even get a web address that’s similar? Something like uTunes or iMusic.”

Me: “You know Steve Jobs enjoys suing people, right?“

Client: “Who?”