I got this text from one of my clients at about 11:00 pm on a Thursday night.

Client: “My a**e hurts.”

I deliberated for hours about whether I should text back or not, knowing that the client would realize at some point that he had accidentally sent such a personal text to his web designer. In the end, I chose to ignore it. We haven’t spoken since.

Client: “We love the movie you’ve created for us, but it’s just not working for us.”

Me: “Okay, what would make it work?”

Client: “We want it to go viral! It needs dancing babies or unicorns!”

Client: “I don’t want to use non-moving buttons on the website for navigation. Buttons are going the way of the dinosaur.”

Me: “What would you like me to use?”

Client: “A looping movie where the customer has to click on the fast-moving objects to navigate through the site. It will keep them on their toes.”

Me: “…”

Client: “What’s that paint software you are using at the moment?”

Me: “It’s called Photoshop CS4, and it’s more than just some paint software!”

Client: “Could you make me a copy of it for my six-year-old son to mess around on? He does like painting.”

Me: “Er… no, that’s piracy, and it’s licenced to me and my company.”

Client: “I’ll provide you with a disc.”

Me: ”…I really can’t  do that.”

Client: “Maybe I’ll reconsider your final fee!”

Client: “Sorry to cancel at the last minute, but we felt your contract was just… too legal.”

Me: “Well, I should hope so. What exactly was the problem?”

Client: “I mean it’s not very flexible. You ask for payment on such and such a date with this 5% monthly penalty if we don’t make it… It’s all just too legal.”