Me: “I’m calling regarding your overdue bill. It’s four months overdue, and you said you were going to pay it yesterday.”

Client: “I don’t mean to be rude, but you’re not the only person we haven’t paid, and some of them are pastors. Do you think you’re more important than God?”

Client: “You ordered the wrong laptop.”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Client: “This is a left-handed laptop; we needed a right-handed one.”

I work in graphic design. I am talking to a client over a video call.

Client: “The design is great! We just want our article to go in these columns, and I think we’re good!”

Me: “Awesome! Just send me over the copy, and I’ll paste it into the design and send you some proofs.”

We ended the call, and I didn’t receive anything for the rest of the day. Nothing strange there; maybe they were still writing it up. 

The next day, I received a package sent by an expensive courier service for next-day delivery. The client had typed out the copy they wanted for their brochure, printed it out, and spent a lot of money rushing me over the hard copy so that I could retype it.

Next time, I need to specify to just email it over.

I’m designing a logo for a women’s business organization.

Client: “We like the logo a lot, but we’re hoping you can make it a little more androgynous. We represent strength, power, business… There’s nothing feminine about our organization, and we want our business peers to take us seriously.”

Me: “How about this?”

I show them an image of a woman in a power suit.

Client: “That’s perfect! Now put her in a skirt and make her breasts a little larger.”

Client’s Secretary: “Look, you seem to have a lot of talent, but I don’t think that we can use you because my boss clearly stated that we need someone who knows Adobo Photoshop.”

Me: “I think you mean Adobe Photoshop.”

Client’s Secretary: “No, there’s no such thing, and if there is, it’s really not the same software we’re using because I need .psd files that I can edit in my Adobo InDesign program.“

Me: “Well, I can promise that the kind of Photoshop that I am using can produce .psd files that can be read by any… Adobo product.”